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My colleague Christian Stoecker wrote yesterday that he does not do well when inventing gods, and he is right, but he left out the most German of all gods: the white asparagus. The asparagus cult is indispensable as a para- religious practice from Germany. When discussing the setting up of new holidays, there are always talk of minorities and historical events, but presumably no campaign would gain more approval than one that speaks in favor of the white asparagus.
Of course, asparagus tastes very good. So much in the lead. Asparagus is delicious and healthy, it drains and detoxifies, but it also poisons. The sixth season, the so-called asparagus season, is a time when the asparagus is not only revered and consumed, but simply ubiquitous. Any pizzeria, no matter how orthodox it is, and having its own dungeon for people asking for pineapple, puts out a sign saying that there is also asparagus pizza here, of course, because asparagus is the most privileged vegetable in Germany. It can be anywhere and anywhere, there are asparagus from the grill, asparagus from the oven and from the wok, asparagus pasta, in risotto, in the salad, asparagus also just pure, asparagus leftovers as soup, asparagus ice cream.
Asparagus is of course a superfood, but also the Loriot among the vegetables. He's okay, but completely overrated, the old white man of the culinary arts. Not liking asparagus is definitely worse than not knowing the text of the national anthem, for example. Just as one expects one liter of vodka per person at Polish weddings, in Germany asparagus season one calculates about one kilo of asparagus per capita per day, like in the varieties "Hannibal" or "Rambo". On the internet, the asparagus posting is the thickpic of the season. Basically nobody really wants to see the asparagus of other people ("just nice with butter"), but they do not ask. Anyone who has paralyzed reports of it - a sacrament in which the relationship of Germans to asparagus is affirmed. Look, I too am one of you, a simple servant of the pale rod.
Swell, be swollen, be cocky
The white asparagus, which actually and not without reason is called common asparagus, bears in the name the Greek "spargáein": to be full of swells, to be swollen, to be cocky, and that will be done in such a way. The asparagus has an integrating function in this sense, but a divisive one among the vegetables.
For the glory of the asparagus is based on myths and contradictions. Supposedly white asparagus is the "nobler", but mainly the more expensive asparagus. People who take part in the hype of the asparagus like to emphasize that it is so nice to eat something seasonal ("It's nice that there is not asparagus all year round", Markus Söder), while the asparagus celebration is already starting for many if the asparagus in the supermarket still comes from Peru, but because you like to close an eye.
Who buys white asparagus, often without knowing it, pays not only for the taste, but also for the color. The cultivation of white asparagus is so costly, among other reasons, because the soil around the asparagus is repeatedly piled up and the crop must be done extremely punctually and outrageously early in the day. The lovely German, but just so much that they do not prefer this work then, but traditionally like to let run by Polinnnen and Romanians. Since these are not so numerous, Germany go out the harvest helpers. "Germans do not want to do this work in any case," complained an asparagus farmer in 2018 on SPIEGEL ONLINE, and considered offering his workers free Wi-Fi.
Green asparagus is far inferior in fame
But back to the asparagus and the cost of the cult. When the tip of the asparagus has made it to light, it turns blue-purple and tastes then not worse, but is immediately as a loss of value. Green asparagus does not have the problem because it grows above the earth, it is also healthier and does not have to be peeled, but it is far inferior in fame to the pale colleague.
While wind power plants are considered to be the destruction of nature, the common German has no problem that asparagus is often grown in monocultures under plastic film, which look at least as ugly.
Actually, there is still no problem in worshiping a seasonal vegetable like white asparagus, but there are no good reasons why other vegetables will not do the same. Other types of vegetables and fruits that are fresh in Germany for a short time, but far less deified, include strawberries, rhubarb, spinach, raspberries, cherries, zucchini, beans, peas, blackberries, wild garlic, cucumbers, celery , Purslane, sweetcorn, most lettuce and tomato.
Especially with strawberries and tomatoes there would be plenty of potential. Pascale Mueller and Stefania Prandi have spoken in an elaborate research for "Buzzfeed" and "Corrective" with harvest workers in Spain, Morocco and Italy: The women pick under inhumane conditions strawberries and tomatoes that sold in Germany sometimes certified as "safe and sustainable" become. At work, they are regularly humiliated and often raped by their superiors.
However, this does not interest German consumers as much as the question of what it is really all about with the phenomenon of asparagus pee. No editors can be rude when it comes to informing the people about the side effects of his cultic activities. Great table talk too. And maybe that's one of the reasons why asparagus has brought it to such an excessive deity status: finally talk nicely about excretions. Thanks for nothing, asparagus.