Thea * is a friendly, withdrawn woman who speaks softly. Somewhat brittle, but also surprisingly self-deprecating, she tells of a relationship in which she ended up as a prisoner.
The story of the 30-year-olds is a sad example of how manipulative, control-minded individuals exercise violence in relationships. And how much energy they use.
Flatter
Thea got to know Stefan at the volunteer fire department, he was a group leader. Almost 20 years older than Thea, open, eloquent, "a real schnacker," as she says. He scored with care, did things for her, expressed concern when her daughter was ill, made a "kind-hearted impression." He invited her to a summer party. Three weeks later, the Schnacker and Thea were a couple.
Stefan said that he also has a daughter. That he was married, he concealed. Thea got it out and wondered. Such a behavior she did not know from her parents. "What's that weird bird," she thought. When Stefan's wife later got wind of the affair, she seemed little surprised and moved out of the shared apartment after a while.
Financial dependence
"Because I did not earn much as a cleaner, Stefan offered to move in with him," recalls Thea. She agreed. With her ex-husband, she agreed that the daughter should stay with him first. And so Thea lived with Stefan and his daughter for a while. But she soon moved out because Stefan did not like her new boyfriend. Thea filled the resulting gap.
"We were suddenly alone in the house, looking for a job, but he had taken a job as a truck driver and wanted to partout that I travel with him, I did not want that, but he just got everything for the tour, me with his boss My opinion did not count, he threatened to throw me out of the house if I did not come, so I would have sat in the street. "
At that time, as Thea describes it, Stefan started to keep her away from friends and family: "He took the cell phone from me and destroyed it, so I already knew something was going wrong here." But she did not resist. Why? Uncertain shrug.
Thea had married early and got her daughter. The marriage did not last, but the couple parted without grief. Violence had never played a role in Thea's life. Until she went on a big tour with Stefan.
Loss of control and corporal punishment
At a rest area Thea wanted to stretch her legs in the evening. Stefan forbade it, he wanted to sleep. She resisted. Out of anger, he shoved her and shook her, throwing her clothes out of the cab, Thea says. Then he hit her face with the palm of the hand. Thea called a frightened friend who told her to run away immediately. She did not do it.
The next tour they have failed, says Thea. Instead, she secretly spent time with her daughter and the ex-husband. In order not to burden the two, she betrayed nothing of their situation.
Stefan found out where she was - the alleged breach of trust ended in renewed violence:
"I caught him at the train station and threw a champagne bottle at my head, passers-by called the police, they took me to a friend where I stayed for a while, I was in shock, I filed a complaint, the case against Stefan was hired but he called me and told me he loves me, 'What a sick bird', I thought. "
Nevertheless, Thea went back to Stefan. She has no real explanation for that: "We wanted to talk, I also had my furniture with him, all my things, I'm kind of always back because of all that stuff."
Isolation and escalation
Stefan quit his job as a truck driver and rented a flat in the countryside. Thea had no contact with her daughter at the time - and nobody else.
"I was completely isolated, there were only old people, we lived on Hartz IV. Once we sat in front of the TV, he just struck, from now on, just because an old friend had contacted me by SMS My lip I broke the gun and he immediately stopped beating me and when the officers arrived, he complained that I did not pay the rent. "Nobody cares, she's the victim, not here she! ', the policewoman corrected him. "
Stefan was given the order to stay away from Thea for several days. Nevertheless, he lurked on her and pursued her as she drove to the grocery store. For days she entrenched herself in the apartment. An intervention team advised her to go to the women's shelter. A friend helped with the move.
stalking
Thea had not run far enough. After half a year, coincidence brought her ex-boyfriend back into her life.
"One day I went to see the doctor and saw Stefan sitting in the waiting room, I ran out and on the way back to the women's shelter, it was like a horror movie, I thought I would never let him go, 'how nice, you're near me' he wrote to me on my old cell phone, and at some point he caught me in the street and grabbed my arm, escaped and escaped to a girlfriend. "
She knew Thea's story. However, she trusted Stefan as he passed by and stated that he had got along with Thea again. Thea left the house at the same moment, sprinting. Stefan discovered her and dragged her into his car, she says. The last chapter began.
captivity
"You're mine," Stefan said, according to Thea's report. He locked doors and windows, took her cell phone, her money, her dignity. Rapes and beatings now determine their everyday lives. "It was like a lunatic asylum, I gave up, just did not do anything anymore." Only to fire department she had to go with Stefan. He knew she would not tell anyone.
more on the subject
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Partner with Control In the end she was his prisoner
Because she rediscovered a lost SIM card, Thea eventually managed to call for help and escape from her prison. Thea went back to a women's shelter. There she had many conversations, she did a therapy and hopes "that I can change myself". Why she has endured three years with her tormentor is difficult for her to answer.
"The man was so ill, I think he would have killed me too," says Thea. "He followed me, attached all his mistakes to me, it was completely crazy." In principle, he did not care about her at all. "I was like a substitute daughter - she left and I came," says Thea. "He used to control his daughter, he wanted that control over me, too."
* All names changed