• The syndrome of Bisbal's ex: why the other triumphs... when you leave him

  • The Almudena Cid case or the reasons why it stings to know that your ex-partner is getting married or going to have a child

If Sofia Coppola

is an expert at anything,

it is in portraying what it means to be a complex, young woman surrounded by the strong masculine influence of an adult man, and without a doubt, 'Priscilla' stands as the epitome of her specialty.

The filmmaker has made sure to make us see that the

love story

between

Elvis

and

Priscilla,

far from being a fairy tale, was actually a

nightmare of control

in which

aesthetics

were a

weapon of domination.

As the film's wardrobe manager,

Stacey Battat,

told 'The Cut', the musical idol's extremely controlling personality led him to

mold the young woman's wardrobe

to her whim.

"We not only wanted to make the fashion denote how she was growing up, but also the growing influence of Elvis."

Therefore, as the relationship falls apart, she

rebels through her wardrobe,

opting for more prints and colors, since he despised

prints

("you're too short to wear prints" and brown, which reminded him of the army.

Does your relationship seem like 'Your style on trial'?

Alert

The story of Elvis and Priscilla is marked by

domination

, and that is why we did not want to miss the opportunity to ask ourselves what to do if

our partner

tells us

how to dress

or begins to

criticize

our wardrobe.

We spoke with

Anna Vicen Renner,

who as a

coach

specialized in

self-esteem

and

relationships,

finds it essential to address this problem that

many women

face in their romantic relationships.

"Some of the bases of a healthy relationship are mutual respect, trust, communication or acceptance of individuality. If

your partner

begins to

impose his preferences

on how

you should dress

, your

alarm

should go off. And, in fact, the from the other party as well. The time has come to

establish clear limits

and, of course, to communicate openly, honestly and with respect, how you are feeling in the relationship so that the other's way of dressing is being judged. ", he assures.

"If your partner is controlling the way you dress, express how his insistence makes you feel and how it affects your freedom of choice, as well as your authenticity and individuality. This can even affect your

self-esteem

, as you feel that the way you dress What you wear makes him not like you. It will also be important to encourage

dialogue

so that he can explain the

reasons behind his suggestions,

and here it will be essential that you both maintain assertive communication to be able to listen to what is really happening to the other. Of course, make it clear. that the last decision about your clothing will be yours," he explains to Yo Dona.

This is how domination is woven through fashion

Although the case of control through Elvis's aesthetics is the one that, for current reasons, before the premiere of Coppola's film, is the one that is most commented on today, we cannot forget the figure of

Ye

(previously known by

Kanye West) ,

who in a worryingly open way, has done the same with their partners.

Amber Rose

explained to 'Elle' magazine in 2009 that her ex-partner

tried to make her his Barbie,

something we were able to see in his brief but high-profile relationship with

Julia Fox,

to whom on their first date he gave a

complete wardrobe of clothes

( the fashionista version of a book

love bombing

), and to whom he dressed as he pleased.

The case of

Kim Kardashian

is now even part of pop culture for having been portrayed in the reality show 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' in an episode dating back to 2012. In it, after a couple of months of relationship, Ye and a stylist They are responsible for

removing

every garment and accessory

that the rapper

didn't like from

Kim 's closet.

As if that were not enough, six years later, also on the

show

, Kim commented that her partner had flown to Paris to be with her for 24 hours.

The reason?

Don't think this is a romantic gesture: Yeezy's creative director had seen some images taken by the paparazzi in which Kardashian was wearing clothes he didn't like.

The final twist came when he tried to stop Kim from wearing the impressive

Thierry Mugler

look with which she dazzled at the

MET gala,

and that was when the businesswoman stopped her.

"You're my wife and it bothers me that the photos are too sexy," she told him the night before the gala.

"You made me a sexy and confident woman; just because you are on a journey of transformation doesn't mean I am in the same place."

As we well know, Kim wore the iconic look.

Now, Ye is making sure to make the closet of his wife, Bianca Censori, an antagonistic fashionista spectrum in which, as we already mentioned in Yo Dona, many believe that she is

hypersexualizing

and even

objectifying her partner.

Clothing, a form of control like any other

But how is aesthetics used as a mode of domination?

"The fact that someone tells you how you have to go, what you have to wear or not wear, is a

form of control.

When we control, we put ourselves a few steps above the other person, disavowing them. Deep down, those stairs we climb, what they really say about us is that, inside,

we feel a lot of insecurity.

You may be wondering what other people are going to say about you when they see this person next to me. The

most extreme part

Of all that is when I order or emotionally manipulate you to go or not go in a certain way. Some examples: when I tell you that if you go like that I won't go with you. When I make you

feel ridiculous

because of how you are dressed. When through words affectionate things, I make you feel bad or modify your wardrobe, body, features... You may reach a point where

you don't know what is right or wrong,

and then turn to that person to tell you what to wear. Or you may even start to

modify your wardrobe

to avoid arguments," explains the author of 'How to Stop Being a Good Girl',

Mireia Rodríguez.

"Although we are talking about clothing, this is a topic that ends up being extrapolated to many more areas of the relationship: which

friends

you can go with and which ones you can't, what

activities

you can do and which others you can't... In situations like this, I take a step Little by little, the person has climbed steps, and from the height, he manages to have absolute security through control, making you feel small, afraid and deprived of that freedom of expression and choice that you have for the simple fact of being human. In cases like this, I recommend

asking for professional help.

Remember that you are an adult and free person. No one has the right to make you feel small, much less in the name of love," he says.

Things never stay in the closet...

Cristina Soria,

author of 'The book that will save your relationship', delves into the importance of differentiating when your partner makes a

comment praising

how a garment fits you and when he tells you

what to wear,

intimidating your freedom. and your decision making.

"If what he does is the latter, we find ourselves with

controlling behavior

with which he wants to

crush your self-esteem and destroy your will.

There are many options to set limits, but possibly, that is not the only control he wants to have over you. Does he look at your cell phone? Does he distance you from your friends? Is there more criticism towards you?

Run away, and seek the help of a professional,

if you need it, to work on your security and self-esteem. It may be difficult for him to see it the first time, with What I would say to anyone who finds themselves in such a case is to stop for five minutes to observe how their body receives this way of imposing itself on them and what sensations they have, because they are sure to find signs of discomfort, they feel violated and they do not receive it. as a gesture of love. You have to set limits and break the relationship, if necessary," he explains.

Fit reality into a fantasy

That Priscilla that Coppola's feature film portrays is the

idealized vision

that Elvis had of his wife, whom he wanted to portray as a virginal icon whose wardrobe would reinforce that aura

devoid of sex and perversion,

which he sought outside of marriage.

In this way, his looks are a trap and, as we have mentioned, an element of control that we must pay attention to when he transcends the big screen.

"In conclusion, in a healthy relationship, individual freedom, respect and open communication are essential. Aesthetics is a personal expression that must be enhanced, and it must be a terrain where both parties feel free, also allowing each other to communicate. In fact, in a healthy relationship, often the other person's suggestions can motivate you to find new clothes that flatter you even more, help you explore a new wardrobe, or help you dare to wear something that you've never worn before," says Anna Vicen Renne in closing.

In short: it is essential that neither hip movements, nor love bombing gestures, nor absolutely anything (not even the 1.98 of Jacob Elordi, who plays Elvis in Sofia Coppola's film) are capable of ' make up' the control that finds in aesthetics and its domain a dangerous element of manipulation and whipping of self-esteem.

  • Psychology

  • Couples