Why envy can hurt as much as a kick in the stomach

If the society chronicle is useful for anything, in addition to satisfying our curiosity, it is to reflect on culture and its values, as well as

The funeral of the Queen of England (who rests in peace) gave us the opportunity to look at the

, shared and increased by their respective wives.

It is not the only European monarchy that is going through delicate moments.

The Danish made her controversial bet this week by withdrawing, Queen Margaret, the titles of princes to her four grandchildren, children of her youngest son Joaquín, thus increasing his conflicts with his older brother and heir to the throne, Federico.

Their stories, royal as they may be, generate the same

that are so common and so little talked about.

These feelings are better accepted in children, however, envy is an emotion that is in human nature and that appears with any age, sex, status or educational level.

Having "fuzz", however, has such a bad press that it is necessary to have excellent self-esteem to say out loud:

.

The usual thing is to think that others are envious of us.

What is envy?

Have you ever felt a

when you see that your co-worker has been promoted and you have not?

Does it bother you to see the happy face of your brother / sister when he talks about his trip to your dream place?

Do you find yourself thinking that it's not fair that, with everything your bosses do, you don't publicly recognize your merit and other 'weaker ones', yes?

Do you look at what your acquaintances get and

?

If someone comments on an achievement, do you immediately talk about what you have achieved?

Answering yes to the above questions means that

, not that you are envious.

Envy comes from the Latin 'invidere' (to look with bad eyes).

To envy is

.

It should not be confused with

, which means the

.

It is a social emotion because it appears as a result of the comparison with others and of considering that you are in inferiority conditions.

Whether it turns into positive or negative actions will depend on

(around the age of three the first envious behaviors are seen in the relationship with parents and siblings)

The feeling it produces is one of

.

Outwardly, we envy luck, money, success, an achievement, beauty, position, etc.

but, in truth, what is longed for is the

.

It's not the money, but how well your neighbor knows how to handle financial matters.

Brain imaging studies conducted by researchers at the National Institute of Radiological Sciences in Inage-Ku, Japan, published in the journal Science, indicate that

in the anterior cingulate cortex. (fundamental part of the social brain).

I mean, it's the same as a kick in the stomach.

What happens in the mind of the envious?

This envious discomfort makes a

by thinking that what the other has is not within your reach.

This thought

and is conditioned by a sense of lack that appeared at some point in the past.

The answer is to 'take a mania' from the other, get angry or complain about what he has.

If the envious person attributes his disadvantage to injustice, resentment appears.

The

emerges making you a victim of circumstances: things are not as they should be.

Deep down, in envy there is a person who is judged through the other.

That is why it is difficult to recognize it in oneself.

It becomes

.

The German term schadenfreude (malicious joy) is used, which we can translate as gloating over the evil of others.

Deep down, if you compare yourself to someone who has fallen from grace, your self-esteem is not so bad.

The same Japanese experimenters verified that the brain activated the reward circuits (it produced dopamine in the striatum, center of motivation and emotions) when it saw the misfortune of the envied person.

The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said that 'schadenfreude' (joy) is

".

Indeed, tell me what you envy and I will tell you what you lack.

Harmful envy and healthy envy

The true envious is the one who wants the person to lose what he already has.

He goes from being the classic 'offended' who, deep down, hates his neighbor as himself - as Unamuno would say - who doesn't stop to think about the

, to being a guy who yearns for justice of the lack of empathy.

I mean, if I don't have it, neither do you.

Does someone close take away your illusion?

If you get a success, does he congratulate you with a small mouth?

Doesn't he ask you about how you got a good result?

If it goes well, does it disappear?

Does he criticize you and if it is in public better?

Does he tell you he's going to do something that he doesn't do?

Does he compete with you by talking about himself?

Does he want to generate your envy by showing off his own?

Do you tend not to introduce yourself to your environment?

These are the faces of envy.

.

There is another way to react to the pang of envy:

turning rejection into admiration for the other person, frustration into curiosity to know how you got it, and blocking into action to overcome your own limitations.

It consists of using the defense mechanism of sublimation,

.

Does this make us 'copycats' as the children say?

It is possible, but no one creates from scratch so, put to copy and not suffer, improve and customize the original version.

It is true that many times we do not realize that we want something until we see it in the other.

A positive aspect of envy is that, being a social emotion, it seeks equality among people, everyone having

.

It fulfills a role related to the "regulation of power", according to some authors.

In an experiment by scientists Sarah Hill and David Buss at the University of Texas, people who were asked to activate envy with memories

into the subsequent task (reading), were more attentive, had better memory and they expressed more details than the group without envy.

I am not going to suggest that to have these cognitive abilities you become envious, but when you feel envious you take advantage of their qualities as an impulse to improve and improve yourself.

Evil envy blocks development, healthy envy activates it.

Going from one to the other requires large doses of self-control.

'Cain Complex'

We all understand that a small child gets angry if he does not have what he wants, but we hope that in adults these issues are resolved.

But

: the closer the bonds, the more powerful the emotions they arouse, including envy.

The differences between siblings become more evident as they grow older, since all ages look for our place in the family photo.

Envy

now made up of couples and grandchildren who are also infected by the conflict.

The situation can become especially dramatic if there are inheritances, to the point of appearing in the chronicle of events or society if you are a media star.

In the 'Cain Complex', originally, the firstborn nurtures a deep envy towards the younger brother that can even lead to hostility and aggressiveness.

This attitude can also be applied to other brothers.

.

Now observe William and Henry and draw your conclusions.

Isn't using media bombshells a great way to bring others down from the pedestal?

TIME AS AN ANTIDOTE

Envy is a natural emotion that will always arise in social relationships.

One way to mitigate it is to use the right 'moment' to communicate the good that happens to us.

If they are going to give you a prize, tell your 'fluffy' friends in advance, better than when we prepared to pick it up.

because having illusion is, by definition, a highly envied state.

It is said that the Spanish are a country of envious people.

If this is so and envy informs about the fact that we are at a disadvantage or feel inferior to others, what is our national solution to handle it?

Do we stay in the complaint and if I can't, you can't either or do we use it as an incentive to improve ourselves?

You have the last word.

Guidelines to overcome envy

dropdown

ISR

Going from complaining and anger to searching for and developing personal resources is not an easy task, but it is not impossible.

It involves a series of complicated steps:

If you are the envied one, keep enjoying being yourself, the Castilian proverb "if you were silent, your neighbor would not envy you" is prudent, but it does not favor the evident reality that differences enrich.

ISABEL SERRANO-ROSA

is a psychologist and director of EnPositivo Sí.

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