Who is in charge of your marriage?
The Collision of Reason and Law in the Betrothal Gift
"Return my 180,000 betrothal gift! That's my hard-earned money!" Recently, a video of Xiaowei, a young man from Minquan County, Shangqiu, Henan Province, hanging a banner on his car to ask the woman for a betrothal gift, aroused a lot of attention.
According to reports, in February 2021, Xiaowei and the woman met under the introduction of a matchmaker.
Xiaowei, who was 25 years old at the time, was already an "older youth" in the countryside. The two parties agreed to marry within a month of acquaintance. Xiaowei's family paid the woman a betrothal gift, part of which was a loan.
Unexpectedly, the woman later regretted the marriage, blocked Xiaowei's WeChat, and refused to return the dowry.
In a fit of anger, Xiaowei sued his fiancee and his mother to the court, requesting that the woman return 179,000 yuan of the betrothal gift in accordance with the law.
But the woman refused to repay the money, and Xiaowei pulled up a banner to ask for a betrothal gift.
The reporter noticed that since the beginning of this year, local courts have pronounced many cases of disputes over betrothal gifts, many of which are the return of betrothal gifts.
Recently, reporters from China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily learned that young people have different views on the betrothal gifts during an interview on the street. The young people believe that "the dowry is not a necessity, and there is no need to add a price to the relationship"; there are also young people who say that the dowry represents the blessings of the two families to the young people who are about to get married, but the "high-priced dowry" changed taste.
Why does your marriage let the bride price "take the lead"?
What is a dowry?
What is the relationship between dowry and marriage contract?
Under what legal circumstances should the dowry be returned?
Faced with the collision and conflict between love, reason and law in the bride price, how to balance it from a legal perspective?
How to rectify bad habits such as high-priced dowry gifts and human comparisons?
To this end, the reporter conducted multiple interviews.
The dowry has become the standard of the marriage contract?
At 11:18 on September 11, with the cheers and blessings of relatives and friends, Xiaojin, a post-95 girl in Shenyang, Liaoning, dressed in white gauze, entered the marriage hall with her boyfriend who had been in love for 5 years.
Recalling the experience with her boyfriend along the way, Xiao Jin said with emotion: "A few months ago, we almost broke up because of the dowry of hundreds of thousands of yuan, but fortunately, we finally reached a consensus. The dowry is not much, just a thought. ".
Regarding the dowry, Zhang Guo, a post-90s girl in Guangxi, believes that "Girls should have dowry, which is related to the recognition and importance of men and families to girls."
In the street picking, the reporter learned that, influenced by traditional concepts, the "wedding gift" is a convention in the eyes of some young people, generally about 100,000 yuan.
"Everyone takes it, so it is generally considered that the betrothal gift should be taken for granted." "As long as the requirements are not too high, it can be negotiated, and we can do what we can." "As long as the relationship between the two parties is good, it is acceptable"...
In Hefei, the hometown of Wenda born in the 1985s, 110,000 yuan of betrothal money is standard, meaning one in ten thousand.
In his eyes, "the betrothal gift has nothing to do with marriage." However, a friend around him had a dispute over the betrothal gift, causing the two to part ways.
Wen Da's high school classmates spent millions of yuan to buy a wedding room in their hometown, and planned to let their parents move in together after marriage, but the woman expressed that she did not want to live with her parents.
The woman believes that the marriage room is part of the dowry and has control over it.
"After more than a month of tearing up, the two still broke up, which is actually a pity."
Deng Li, a scholar at the Institute of Law of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, analyzed that the payment of betrothal gifts originated from the ancient Chinese custom of marriage-six rituals, namely acceptance, asking for name, accepting Ji, accepting levy, asking for an appointment, and welcoming in person. simulate.
From a customary point of view, the bride price is generally the property and money that the man pays the woman when the two parties agree to get married, ranging from gold and silver jewelry to cash, cars, housing, etc. "This kind of payment makes wealth transfer between families to a certain extent ".
"Marriage freedom is the basic principle of the marriage and family system. The conclusion of marriage is subject to marriage registration. Only after marriage registration can the marriage relationship be established." In Deng Li's view, there is no marriage law for this so-called engagement and marriage contract. In the sense of binding, once disputes arise over the issue of betrothal gifts, the law needs to be intervened, mediated and defined.
Deng Li bluntly stated that there is a certain degree of alienation in the current custom of paying bride price, and the amount is rising, and they are compared with each other.
For young people who are not financially well-off, it is no longer a willing gift under mutual affection, but has evolved into a heavy financial burden. Sometimes it is done by the whole family or even by debt.
"Then if both parties fail to enter into marriage as expected, unbearable losses will occur, and disputes will follow. If the negotiation fails, it will evolve into a court of justice."
Claiming property through marriage stepped on the red line of the law
In March 2021, Xiao Hao and Wen Ting from Changchun, Jilin met, and soon the two fell in love and got engaged.
According to local customs, Xiaohao gave Fu Wenting a betrothal gift of 46,000 yuan, and then the two began to live together.
However, due to the incompatibility of the two sides, they often quarreled fiercely and broke up. Xiaohao asked Wen Ting to return the betrothal money, but was rejected.
After several attempts by relatives and friends to coordinate without success, Xiaohao sued to the People's Court of Yushu City, Changchun City for a judgment in accordance with the law.
When Li Daoming, President of the Daling People's Court of the Yushu City People's Court presided over the trial, the court made a case based on factors such as the time both parties lived together, the unregistered marriage, the amount and purpose of the dowry gift, the situation of the return gift, the degree of fault of both parties, the economic level, and local customs and habits. In the end, the two parties reached an agreement that Wen Ting returned 15,000 yuan as a gift to Xiao Hao, and the dispute was resolved.
In recent years, the price of betrothal gifts has soared in some places, and even "astronomical betrothal gifts" have appeared. In some places, the standard price of betrothal gifts is 100,000 yuan for secondary school, 120,000 yuan for junior college, and 150,000 yuan for undergraduates. The barrier made many young people who have entered the age of marriage and love sigh.
Recently, eight departments including the Organization Department of the Central Committee jointly issued the "Work Plan for the Special Governance of Prominent Issues in Key Areas of Rural Change of Customs and Customs, such as Carrying out High-priced Betrothal Gifts, Great Exercises, and Great Practices", which clarifies that special governance work will be carried out from August this year to December 2023, focusing on high-priced Dowry, comparison of favors, generous burial and low maintenance, extravagance and waste, and other stereotypes and bad habits, reduce the burden of expenditure on favors, banquets, and betrothal gifts for the peasants in weddings, funerals, and marriages.
Zhang Jing, a lawyer from Beijing Lianggao Law Firm and an expert on marriage and family affairs, pointed out that Article 1042 of the Civil Code of my country stipulates that arranged marriages, buying and selling marriages and other acts that interfere with the freedom of marriage are prohibited, and it is prohibited to ask for property through marriage.
Zhang Jing reminded that arranging, buying and selling marriages, asking for property in the name of marriage, and using traditional customs as tools for collecting money are all clearly prohibited by law.
Deng Li explained that the dowry is generally regarded as a conditional gift in academic theory, that is, the property paid for the purpose of concluding a marriage with the other party and establishing a family.
When the conditions are not met, the other party no longer has a legal basis to retain the property and should return it.
Zhang Jing pointed out that legally there are three situations in which the bride price needs to be returned: both parties have not gone through the marriage registration procedures, "if both parties have not registered their marriage, no matter what the reason is, the bride price should be returned"; However, they did not live together through the formalities. "In this case, the purpose of the marriage has not been realized, and it needs to be returned." The dowry is leaving, which is prohibited by law."
The reporter noticed that in 2020, the Intermediate People's Court of Shangqiu City, Henan Province issued a special document "Shangqiu City Intermediate People's Court's Judgment Guidelines on Trial of Marriage Contract Property Dispute Cases (Trial)", which clearly stipulated that when the betrothal gift is returned, the amount exceeding 100,000 yuan will be paid. The part within 100,000 yuan will be refunded in full, and the range of betrothal gifts has been determined, including but not limited to face-to-face gifts, betrothal gifts, boarding gifts, drop-off gifts, change fees, and jewelry, electrical appliances, Communication tools, vehicles and other valuables.
Change the customs and let the meaning of the bride price return to the "ceremony"
"High-priced gifts have transformed marriage, cast a shadow over marriage, brought a lot of trouble to both families, damaged the simple social atmosphere, and made some rural families' living burdens continue to increase." During the two sessions this year, representatives of the National People's Congress, people Lu Tianxi, vice chairman of the Jinjiangxi Provincial Committee and director of the Jiangxi Provincial Department of Housing and Urban-Rural Development, submitted the "Suggestions on Renovating High-priced Bridesmaids in Rural Areas and Promoting Rural Civilization".
Lu Tianxi found through research that the primary reason for the high price of bride price in rural areas is the imbalance between males and females.
In addition, with the migration of rural laborers to cities, rural young people, especially young women, mostly choose to stay in cities to work or marry into cities, which exacerbates the imbalance in the ratio of young men and women in rural areas.
In addition, some factors such as the prevalence of the concept of comparison have also led to the increase in the amount of bride price year by year, which has overwhelmed some families.
In Lu Tianxi's view, the 2022 Central Document No. 1 released on February 22 this year proposed to "carry out special governance for prominent problems in key areas of changing customs, such as high-priced betrothal gifts", which is a "timely rain".
He suggested that governance should be intensified at the national level, so that the meaning of betrothal gifts should be returned to "ceremony".
Zhang Jing analyzed that from the perspective of social development in the past 20 years, due to the adjustment of rural population structure, changes in social ideology and other factors, the amount of betrothal gifts is getting higher and higher, but the impact and constraints on marriage are decreasing, especially in rural areas. , After the women "flash away", they are not worried about getting married. On the contrary, because of the high betrothal gifts paid by male families, after divorce, they cannot afford the betrothal gifts for remarrying, which leads to many social problems.
On September 8, at a series of press conferences on the theme of "This decade in China", Zhan Chengfu, vice minister of the Ministry of Civil Affairs, said in response to the issue of marriage customs reform that starting from 2018, the Ministry of Civil Affairs will include marriage customs reform into an important agenda, and in 2021 In April and September, 32 experimental areas for the reform of marriage customs were established in two batches across the country, and some provinces, autonomous regions and municipalities directly under the Central Government also determined some local experimental areas for the reform of marriage customs according to the actual situation.
"At present, the reform work carried out in each experimental area has indeed been effective, and has been praised by all sectors of society. The most outstanding thing is that the bad habits of high-priced brides and large-scale activities in each experimental area have been effectively curbed." Zhan Chengfu said.
In the street picking, many young people are more rational about the bride price.
Li Bo, a post-90s youth in Shanxi, said that when he got married, he took 138,000 yuan as a betrothal gift and bought some jewelry for his wife, "I think everything should be based on feelings. If you pay too much attention to money, house, and car, you should focus on There are bound to be problems with relationships.”
Liu Ze, a married young man born in the 1990s, believes that "as long as the relationship is in place, marriage will not be affected by the issue of the bride price".
(The youth interviewed in the article are all pseudonyms)
China Youth Daily, China Youth Daily reporter Han Yangxian Oujie Source: China Youth Daily