How to resolve disputes over bride price?
China News Weekly reporter Xie Xuewei
Published in the 1128th issue of "China News Weekly" magazine on February 5, 2024
Zhou Na, a 22-year-old pregnant woman, is considering breaking off her engagement with her fiancé.
She lives in a county in Guizhou and her fiancé, who is two years older, met online and got engaged after a year of dating. When getting engaged, Zhou Na considered that the man was a single-parent family and had just bought a house and spent a lot of money on renovations. Under the local gift standards of 88,000 and 128,000, she made the main gift of 68,000 yuan and only chose three pieces of hardware and jewelry.
Gradually, she discovered that whenever there was a conflict, the man would threaten her with betrothal gifts and three gold coins. "When we leave, return all the betrothal gifts and three gold coins to me. Don't even think about taking advantage of my family's betrothal gifts."
A month ago, Zhou Na discovered that her fiancé was suspected of cheating, but when faced with chat and payment records, the other party had been avoiding and refusing to communicate. Frustrated, Zhou Na wanted to separate. On the one hand, she has not yet decided whether to keep the fetus in her belly, and the physical damage and psychological shadow of her last miscarriage are still with her; on the other hand, she is worried that she will not be able to hold a wedding and register the marriage in the future. The bride price received is not protected by law.
A response from a local lawyer confirmed her fears. Article 5 of the "Judicial Interpretation (1) of the Marriage and Family Section of the Civil Code of the Supreme People's Court" (hereinafter referred to as the "Judicial Interpretation") that was implemented in 2004 clarifies that the two parties have not completed the marriage registration procedures, and the two parties have completed the marriage registration procedures but have not lived together. When the betrothal gift is paid before marriage and causes difficulties in the life of the payer, the court should support the party's application for refund of the betrothal gift.
"I had one pregnancy and miscarriage while we were living together. The man committed betrayal and domestic violence against me. I was not at fault. Why should the man demand that all gifts be returned?" Zhou Na did not agree with the above-mentioned "Judicial Interpretation". Like her, who has not registered her marriage or held a wedding ceremony, but has already lived together and even had a pregnancy history. Once there is a breakup, she is often asked by her husband to return all the betrothal gifts. Messages asking for help are constantly appearing on the Internet.
On January 18, the Supreme People's Court issued the "Regulations on Several Issues Concerning the Application of Law in the Trial of Cases involving Betrothal Disputes" (hereinafter referred to as the "Regulations"). It was pointed out that in recent years, new situations and new problems have emerged in disputes involving betrothal gifts. The Marriage and Family Section of the Civil Code explains (1) Although the issue of return of betrothal gifts is stipulated, there are still two situations that are not stipulated in legal logic.
When you are married and living together, the length of time you have lived together should be an important consideration in determining whether the bride price will be returned and the proportion of return. For those who have not registered their marriage but are living together, the actual use of the betrothal gift and the dowry situation should be based on the fact that they live together and have children together, the faults of both parties, etc. to determine whether to return it and the specific proportion of the return. The "Regulations" will come into effect on February 1.
dispute
"The bride price is originally for getting married and marrying a wife. If you don't get married or leave, the woman will definitely have to return the money." 24-year-old Zhang Qian is a young man from a rural county in eastern Henan Province. His neighbor's eldest brother is marrying a man who has been married for more than a year. Litigation over divorced ex-wife’s dispute over bride price.
According to local customs, if the man proposes to terminate the engagement, the bride price is tantamount to compensation to the woman and cannot be recovered; and if the woman proposes, the bride price must be returned to compensate the man for the reputational loss of a "second marriage".
Zhang Qian said that the two have been married for more than a year and have a daughter. Generally, no gift is required after divorce. However, the 350,000 yuan gift given to the woman by the neighbor’s eldest brother when they got engaged was considered a “top match” locally, and the gift was left behind. The woman’s natal family said, “The two of us have a small family with no money, so it would be unreasonable not to withdraw.” Moreover, the neighbor's eldest brother had to spend money to remarry after the divorce. "I already owe a lot of debt. If I don't pay it back and then take out a loan to get married, it would be very unfair to the man!"
Zhang Jing, a marriage and family lawyer and lawyer at Beijing Lianggao Law Firm, said in an interview with China News Weekly that the 2004 Judicial Interpretation stated that the payment of betrothal gifts "causes hardship to the payer's life". In judicial practice, it is usually understood that when someone borrows money to marry a wife because he is unable to pay the bride price, and spends all his money for the marriage but faces the possibility of losing the marriage, and does not realize the traditional expectations of the people for marriage and children, the law stipulates that return.
Zhang Qian described engagement and marriage as "the beginning of family bankruptcy." When he was about to get engaged, he calculated an account for China News Weekly. The engagement fee was 168,000 yuan, and the hardware was more than 40,000 yuan, and 60 to 80 boxes were needed. It costs about 15,000 yuan for gifts, tobacco and alcohol, etc., which adds up to nearly 230,000 yuan in expenditure.
When it comes time to get married, the wedding bonus must be at least 200,000 yuan to the woman. In addition, the woman felt that the new building that the man had spent more than 300,000 yuan was not enough, so she asked to buy a house in the county town, which would cost more than 800,000 yuan including decoration. Zhang Qian said that this is "standard configuration" locally.
The life goal of Zhang Qian's parents is to find a wife for their son. Since his birth, his parents have been saving money for him. From the 20 acres of land at home and part-time jobs, my parents earn about 60,000 yuan a year. Excluding favors and necessary expenses, even if my parents live frugally, they can only save about 50,000 yuan a year.
Financial pressure left him breathless and afraid to spend money, and he was reluctant to buy new clothes as his engagement approached. Zhang Qian said that he only started making money when he was 20 years old and saved 50,000 yuan a year. "Without relying on my family, even if I only paid the down payment for a house, I would have to save until I was in my 30s before I could get married."
He believes that the bride price in rural areas is too heavy, but "there is no way to recruit them." There are more than 40 "bachelors" in the village, most of them because they have no money to get married. "There are few girls. If you don't get money, who will marry you?"
A general manager of the village also bluntly told China News Weekly that many families in rural areas have saved half their lives for their sons to marry, but it may not be enough. It is not uncommon to borrow money from relatives to get married.
In economically developed areas, there are similar problems. Zhang Jing once represented a divorce case in Zhejiang. The man's parents started from scratch and suffered a lot when they were young. When their only son got married, he paid the woman 660,000 yuan and 880,000 yuan as bride price twice, hoping to tell everyone at his son's wedding, " Now our life is better and more decent."
Not to be outdone, the woman asked the officiant to publicly read out her family's dowry of 5 million yuan during the wedding ceremony. But when the two divorced a year later, the man discovered that his ex-wife’s dowry money of 5 million yuan came from his relatives. The mother-in-law explained that because the man's family was relatively wealthy and the woman could not lose face, she borrowed money from relatives to "support the occasion", and the money was returned to the relatives one after another on the night of the wedding.
Zhang Jing pointed out that this kind of custom of borrowing betrothal gifts to compare is quite common in many places across the country, and some places have even launched betrothal gifts loans.
difference
China's custom of betrothal gifts began with the Six Rites of the Zhou Dynasty's "Rituals". Among them, "Nazheng" means that the man's family sends a betrothal gift to the woman's family, which means that the marriage contract is officially concluded.
Hu Jingyang, an assistant researcher at the Jiangsu Academy of Social Sciences, pointed out that the bride price is a kind of ritual system. Through the public ceremony of paying the bride price, the man can show his financial ability and willingness to bear the cost of marriage. The woman who accepts the bride price has paid a price that she can no longer share with anyone else. Opportunity cost of entering into marriage.
In recent years, with the development of the economy and society, the continuous improvement of people's material living standards, and the structural imbalance in the gender ratio of the marriageable population, the standards of bride price have been continuously improved.
Many experts and lawyers told China News Weekly that the occurrence of betrothal disputes is inseparable from the increase in the amount of betrothal gifts. Zhang Jing believes that there were few disputes over betrothal gifts in the early years mainly because the amount of betrothal gifts in the past was not high.
Liu Shengfei, a lawyer at Guangdong Fangzeli Law Firm, pointed out that areas with relatively large betrothal gifts are more prone to betrothal disputes. For example, he said that in Guangdong and Guangxi, the amount of betrothal gifts is between 10,000 yuan and 30,000 yuan. Because the amount is small, there are relatively few lawsuits demanding the return of the betrothal gifts after divorce. However, in the north, especially in the Central Plains, the amount of betrothal gifts is relatively large, and even some families It is a debt marriage. Once the purpose of the marriage is defeated, more disputes over the bride price will ensue.
A search on the Judgment Documents Network using betrothal gifts as the reason for the case found that as of January 29, 2024, there were 176,989 documents, among which Henan, Anhui, Hebei, Gansu, and Shandong ranked among the top five.
A questionnaire survey conducted by Hu Yunhong, a professor at the National Judges College, among judges in 25 provinces and cities across the country also showed that the number of disputes over the return of marriage property is geographically more numerous in the west and less in the east, and more in the north and less in the south.
The urban-rural differences in bride price disputes are also very prominent. Zhang Jing said that the betrothal gifts in the city are more symbolic, and the real beneficiaries of the betrothal gifts are two young people, who will use them for their new families after they get married. When two people break up, if they are not yet married and are living together, and if there is a gift issue involved, it will be easier to return the gift to each other after explaining the legal provisions to them, and there will rarely be a lawsuit.
The reason behind such quick returns is that the beneficiaries of betrothal gifts in urban and rural areas are different. In cities, the parties involved in disputes over betrothal gifts and those involved in returning them are often the same party, making it easy to decide. In rural areas, it may be the girl's parents who receive the bride price, and the boy's parents who pay the bride price. The number of participants changes from two to six, making it difficult to reach a consensus.
In fact, as the amount of betrothal gifts has increased, more attention has been paid to the purpose and whereabouts of the betrothal gifts. In rural areas, the above-mentioned village steward told China News Weekly that bride price brings a heavy financial burden to the man. For the woman, the decision of whether to take it back to her husband's family and whether they are willing to repay the debt together will sow hidden dangers for the marriage.
Zhang Jing said that in some rural areas, there is a strong preference for sons over daughters, and they believe that if you marry off your daughter and throw away the water, "I raised you so big, you must give me an equal return." What's more, there will be "betrothal gift exchange", where the woman's parents use their daughter's gift money to pay the betrothal gift or buy a house for their son.
Therefore, disputes over the return of bride price are almost always brought by the man against the woman. Liu Shengfei said that the disputes are generally divided into two categories. Most of them are not married, and the man demands to "settlement" the financial transactions when they separate; a few are married but have not lived together after marriage, or the marriage period is very short, and the man demands a return of the betrothal gift money, Banquet expenses.
Game
The situation of both parties in a bride price dispute in court is not the same. Both Liu Shengfei and Zhang Jing said that under the spirit of the "Judicial Interpretation" implemented in 2004, as long as the man did not achieve the purpose of marriage and claimed that the reality was inconsistent with the woman's promise, he was "cheated" by the woman and the property he paid was not a bride price. It is the woman's request for various reasons, or she emphasizes that she has not been faithful to the marriage after marriage, or she hides in her parents' house and does not come back. "In short, she does not live a good life." If you submit proof of relevant payment, your request for refund will basically be rejected. support.
When it comes to the woman, she needs to prove the fact that she is living together, proof of pregnancy, miscarriage, etc. that may have occurred. She also needs to prove whether the bride price is used for living expenses together, such as renting a house, traveling, consumption, etc. If the woman has evidence to prove joint use, the judge will make corresponding deductions. "But the problem is that it is difficult to prove because most people do not have the awareness to preserve evidence," Liu Shengfei said, which often puts them in an isolated and helpless predicament.
Zhang Jing observed that for a long time after 2004, the main job that judges did was to characterize the monetary transactions between men and women. A grassroots judge in Jiangsu told China News Weekly that the problem of distinguishing between general gifts and betrothal gifts has become more challenging with changes in payment methods. For example, whether large-scale economic transactions through WeChat and Alipay transfers are based on betrothal gifts for the purpose of marriage or expressions. A gift of love and affection.
A grassroots judge in Henan told China News Weekly that in judicial practice, if the betrothal gift is used as living expenses for both men and women, it is difficult to provide evidence, which makes it more difficult for the court to determine the proportion of refund.
Gao Jihong, a lawyer at Jiali Law Firm, handled such a case last year. Mr. Wang and Ms. Li from Shanxi Province met through social software in August 2019. At the engagement party, the man transferred 500,000 yuan to the woman on the spot. A year later, the two registered for marriage, and the man’s family transferred another 500,000 yuan to the woman. .
About half a year after the marriage, the woman discovered that the man had cheated on her. After communication failed, she conveniently chose to separate from the man. Half a year later, the woman received a court summons from the man to file for divorce. Since the two lived together for a short time, had no children, and had no common property, the man asked the woman to return the 1 million yuan gift.
In court, the man claimed that the woman used the marriage to ask for a huge amount of betrothal gifts. After the marriage, he became disabled due to a traffic accident. He had no job and no source of income. He relied on his parents’ financial support to maintain his daily life. The act of paying betrothal gifts caused difficulties in life, and he submitted to the bank Remittance vouchers, diagnosis and treatment recommendations and other evidence.
Ms. Li believed that the man had made serious mistakes during the marriage and had improper relationships with multiple women, and provided screenshots of chat software records and WeChat screenshots as evidence. She said that although she received a gift of 1 million yuan, all the gift had been used to decorate the house where both parties lived together, buy jewelry, hold a wedding, and travel for weddings. Some of the gift had been withdrawn by Mr. Wang and has now been spent. Mr. Wang only recognized that Ms. Li purchased a 200,000 yuan diamond ring on her own, but did not approve of any other expenses.
Finally, the judge pointed out in the judgment that Mr. Wang was disabled and the large expenditure on medical expenses would inevitably make his life more difficult in the future. In order to balance the interests of all parties, Ms. Li argued that all the betrothal gifts had been spent, except for the purchase of the diamond ring. In addition to the expenses, no corresponding evidence was provided to prove the expenditure of the bride price. The court took into account factors such as the amount of the betrothal gift, the duration of the marriage, and joint expenditures, and determined in accordance with the law that Ms. Li should return the betrothal gift of 300,000 yuan to Mr. Wang.
Gao Jihong told China News Weekly that the man had no job and relied on his parents to support him. The bride price was paid by his parents who were in business, so life was not difficult in reality. In other words, it does not comply with the "Judicial Interpretation" that pre-marital payment will cause difficulties in the life of the payer. However, the judge will use discretion to balance the interests of both parties when making a ruling to show fairness.
Liu Shengfei also specifically pointed out that in judicial practice, if the "amount of gift" is large enough, it will be regarded as a betrothal gift by default and will be returned according to judicial interpretations. According to his experience, "the amount is large enough", which basically starts at 10,000 yuan in the south. In the Central Plains, taking Henan as an example, the standard for large amounts is very low. For example, the Intermediate People's Court of Zhoukou City, Henan Province made it clear that betrothal gifts The scope is limited to more than 500 yuan in cash or valuables.
Zhao Qin from Zhengzhou, Henan, was pursued by a divorced man who was more than 20 years older than her. The two fell in love for nearly three years. During this period, Zhao Qin became pregnant twice and miscarried. In order to give Zhao Qin a sense of security, the man spent more than 420 yuan. A house was purchased in full for 10,000 yuan and an agreement was signed to clarify that the house was a gift from the man to the woman in order to maintain and enhance the relationship between the two parties. It was not a betrothal gift for the purpose of marriage, and the gift would not be revoked in any form.
Later, Zhao Qin discovered that the man was not only unclear about his ex-wife, but also had a long-term affair with his best friend. In anger, she no longer wanted to marry her husband and broke up with her husband.
The man subsequently sued to return the 4.2 million house purchase price. Even though the woman submitted their agreement to the court and proved that there was no coercion or fraudulent signing, at the first instance at the end of October 2023, the court ruled that the agreement was for the purpose of marriage. If the woman does not want to get married, the property must be returned. Zhao Qin refused to accept the appeal and the second instance upheld the original verdict.
Liu Shengfei said that in fact, there are indeed large-scale financial contacts between men and women that are not for the purpose of marriage, and there are also men who give women a lot of money just to prevent her from asking for marriage. However, judicial practice tacitly assumes that as long as the amount is large, it is a betrothal gift for the purpose of marriage, which is difficult to effectively connect with the reality of social marriage and love models. "Judicial practice has not kept up, and it is difficult to be fair to many individual cases."
Ran Keping, a professor at Wuhan University Law School, also pointed out that in the past, the "Judicial Interpretation" adopted an "all-or-nothing" approach to the return of bride price, which "seems fair but is actually unfair" and ignored the fault of the parties involved in the specific case, the fault of both men and women. Due to factors such as the length of cohabitation and the actual use of the bride price, it is stipulated that the bride price will be returned as long as the legal conditions are met. This is a "bride gift custom aversion type" norm. It essentially reflects the legislator's sympathy for the payer and has caused some unfairness in practice. The result is obviously unreasonable.
Change
On January 18, the Supreme People’s Court issued the latest “Regulations” on betrothal gifts. The "Regulations" clearly point out that three circumstances reversely exclude the payment of property from the category of betrothal gifts, including gifts and gifts of small value given by one party on special commemorative occasions such as festivals and birthdays; daily gifts given by one party to express or enhance feelings. Consumer expenditures; other property of little value.
Article 5 of the "Regulations" points out that if both parties have registered their marriage and are living together, and one party requests the return of the bride price paid in accordance with customs during divorce, the people's court will generally not support it. However, if the time of living together is short and the amount of the betrothal gift is too high, the people's court can determine whether to return the betrothal gift based on the actual use of the betrothal gift and the dowry situation, comprehensively considering the amount of the betrothal gift, the circumstances of living together and pregnancy, the fault of both parties, and other facts, and taking into account local customs. The specific proportion of return.
Article 6 of the "Regulations" clarifies that if both parties have not registered their marriage but have already lived together, and one party requests the return of the bride price paid according to customs, the people's court shall take into account the actual use of the bride price and the dowry situation, and comprehensively consider the living together and pregnancy situation, the faults of both parties, etc. Facts, combined with local customs, determine whether to return and the specific proportion of return.
In Zhang Jing's view, the "Regulations" are a collection of feedback that conforms to the current social status quo and integrates the problems discovered by front-line judges in the process of handling specific cases in recent years. Many lawyers and judges believe that the "Regulations" are more detailed and specific, making it easier for women to find the right direction to defend themselves, better safeguarding their own rights and interests, and helping to guide lawyers to prepare relevant evidence in a more targeted manner during litigation. For judges, the rules of trial become clearer.
However, Lu Dewen, a professor at the School of Sociology of Wuhan University who has long been observing urban and rural society, pointed out to China News Weekly that it should be noted that in many places, men need to give "three gold" to women before marriage. The value is not small, and this is not a It is a customary category of betrothal gift, but it has the nature of betrothal gift, which may bring controversy to the determination. Gao Jihong also believes that although the "Regulations" distinguish between betrothal gifts and general gifts, how to divide the amount of betrothal gifts and the time and method of payment remain to be clarified.
The issue of discretion was also raised by interviewees. Liu Shengfei believes that Articles 5 and 6 of the "Regulations" will give judges greater room for discretion, and judges in different regions will make conflicting judgments due to differences in local economic development levels and personal cognition.
He mentioned that a son from a wealthy family in Guangzhou paid more than 3 million yuan in property to the woman. When the relationship broke down and the man sued, the judge believed that more than 3 million yuan would not put too much pressure on the man's family. Unlike ordinary families, who spend all their efforts to raise betrothal gifts. The nature is different and therefore does not constitute a bride price.
In addition, whether it is the 2004 "Judicial Interpretation" or this year's "Regulations", it is difficult to fundamentally solve and curb the endless problems of bride price disputes. Liu Shengfei said that as the amount of betrothal gifts has soared, the meaning of "profit" in the betrothal gifts has become more important, which is difficult to solve by simply issuing or updating judicial interpretations.
In fact, as the vicious incidents of betrothal disputes and social conflicts caused by high and sky-high betrothal gifts have attracted attention, more and more documents have been issued to curb high-priced betrothal gifts. Since 2019, the Central Government’s No. 1 Document has repeatedly raised the issue of controlling sky-high betrothal gifts and high betrothal gifts.
In 2020, the Ministry of Civil Affairs issued the "Guiding Opinions on Carrying out Pilot Work on Marriage Custom Reform" and identified 32 national marriage custom reform experimental zones in two batches the following year, involving 22 provinces and cities. In order to curb the high or even sky-high price of betrothal gifts, some places have set up special funds to vigorously promote collective "zero betrothal gifts" weddings, take the lead in "zero betrothal gifts" for the marriage of the children of party members and cadres, and include the issue of betrothal gifts in the performance evaluation of village cadres.
Ran Keping emphasized that bride price, as a custom rooted in the people and that has existed for thousands of years, is a special "area of life" that existed before national law. Legislation can only reasonably regulate it on the basis of respecting existing customs. As long as the social basis for high betrothal gifts still exists, trying to adjust high betrothal gifts through administrative means will have limited effect.
Hu Jingyang also believes that high-priced betrothal gifts have become a major pain point for society and the marriage crowd. Although relevant laws and regulations have been regulating betrothal gifts, betrothal gifts cover traditional marriage etiquette and customs, including equality between men and women, the concept of marriage and love, as well as people's livelihood, economy, and family life. , various factors of marital happiness, and assume complex social functions. It is difficult for social groups to reach a consensus on the issue of bride price, and it is also difficult to cure the problem of bride price disputes.
(Zhou Na, Zhang Qian and Zhao Qin are pseudonyms in the article)
"China News Weekly" Issue 5, 2024
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