The hormonal discharge released by orgasm can cause unexpected reactions, such as tears, which in this case are usually the expression of very intense joy. But when these come to flow during the act, they can be the symptom of a real discomfort. In the show Without appointment on Europe 1, the sexologist and psychiatrist Catherine Blanc responds to a listener who is worried to see his girlfriend cry during their lovemaking, even if this one assures him that it is only a question 'a manifestation of his pleasure.
Benoît's question
"Very often, during our sexual intercourse, my girlfriend starts to cry. She reassures me by telling me that these are tears of joy, ecstasy, but that makes me really uncomfortable. J would love your opinion. "
Catherine Blanc's response
"There are quite curious reactions after intercourse, or at the time of the enjoyment. It can be a burst of laughter, or cry with hot tears. It’s an emotion that suddenly emerges, in the same way that while enjoying one emits sounds which one does not control. Generally, it does not last very long, unless it is an emotion which expresses a trauma.
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And when these tears arise during the act?
When the tears appear during, we are not at all in the expression of an emotional leap. In this case, questions may arise for the partner: am I not hurting him? Isn't she reliving something painful? Am I participating in something that troubles her?
If there is a letting go during the sexual act, it is not yet the letting go of the orgasm, the moment when the valves are released. Crying before enjoyment therefore raises the question of what is at work for her. She hears it like 'tears of joy'. But maybe she also needs to sell it like this to reassure her partner and preserve her privacy? We cannot always say what is happening in us, and sometimes we protect the other, especially since we do not know very well what is happening to us.
Can these tears reveal something serious, like a trauma related to a strict education or an abuse?
Indeed. It may be the awakening of pain, the fear of what we are doing and which refers to something that we have seen or suffered.
How to react in this kind of situation?
When a woman cries, men are often very upset. They would like to console them with their virile arms so that they stop crying and, in reality, being in the arms of the virile man allows you to let go a little more taken, and therefore to cry more beautifully. The woman has to be clear enough with herself to be able to speak about it and, if these tears are due to the resurgence of a trauma, make this conversation an opportunity to resolve this. "