Sudden and parasitic thoughts sometimes block all desire while having sex. Liliane, for example, imagines the look of her parents at this moment. In the show Sans rendez-vous on Europe 1, sexologist and psychiatrist Catherine Blanc explains where these thoughts come from and how to get rid of them.
Liliane's question
"While I'm having sex, I often get disturbed by extraneous thoughts, which completely block me, like a parent's gaze at me. What's going on? Escape it? "
Catherine Blanc's response
The parasitic thoughts that arise during love can be of many kinds. We can first think of something else, to be caught up in our daily worries, like making our shopping list. There Liliane evokes a second case. During our sexual intercourse, we summon a sum of fantasies, in a completely unconscious way, since our sexuality represents desires of power relations, dominant or dominated, excitations linked to these positions ... Obviously, this recalls all our constructions, our ties with our parents, in the way we looked at the relationship between father and mother, or their look at us, or our look at them.
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When we make love, as it is our fantasies that are at work, in a completely unconscious way, it happens that some of these fantasies go back to the level of consciousness, with sometimes the prohibitions related to these fantasies.
Can one have these fantasies even if one has a completely conventional sexuality, with one's spouse?
Absolutely yes. It is not because I am an adult and I am making love - so a priori completely legitimate to be in this position - that I do not see myself from the point of view of the child who has sexual thoughts. Suddenly, it is the child who calls the relationship to the parents. I think for example of a patient who made the simplest love in the world and who suddenly imagined systematically the door open and her parents enter, as if she were a teenager, caught in the act of making the love for the first time.
She was a very worried woman, and that is why her sexuality was very classic. She was afraid of any eccentricity that could have been the revelation of her desire for a woman.
Are these blockages going back to childhood?
Absolutely. This is often because the parents have made a lot of judgments. In the case I am talking about, it was a judgment on her femininity, her way of dressing. The young woman then gets stuck with these sentences. It is not related to the man, to the way he would have to make love or to what is played between one and the other. It's really a very personal story, an anxiety that comes to the surface. But it could have been played in the way of dressing, in the way of moving in the street. To get out of there, you have to understand the origins of these prohibitions that it updates, before you can break free.