Columbine: How survivors of the school massacre help themselves

On April 20, 1999, two teenagers stormed into Columbine High School, Colorado, and launched a massacre. They shot twelve classmates, a teacher and then themselves. Other people were injured, others survived unscathed - outwardly. People like Heather Martin, meanwhile 37 years old, can not let go of the memory until today.

"I barricaded myself together with others for three hours in a room that was near the library, where most of the shots were fired," she says. "We heard exactly what was happening, but I did not see any of it, so for years I thought I should not mind that much, I should handle it, but it's just not like that."

In July 2012, thirteen years after her high school rampage, Martin recaptured the experience: emergency sirens sounded as she was driving in her home town of Colorado. Tachycardia, the brain was running at full speed. The next day, Martin learned from the news that a gunman had shot and killed a dozen people in a nearby movie theater in Aurora.

Martin deliberately tried not to deal with the details of the bloody deed. Nevertheless, the feelings of that time, the grief, the fear, the helplessness had been back immediately, she says. Shortly thereafter, another Columbine survivor, Jennifer Hammer, approached her with an idea: How about starting a self-help group for people who have survived rampage?

Martin says she agreed immediately without hesitation. That's how the "Rebels Project" was born - named after the mascot of Columbine High School.

"Rebels Project": We still need help

Within a few days, the first meeting was organized. Dozens of people arrived, including several survivors of the Columbine massacre. Many burst into tears when they told their stories, reports Martin. "It became clear that we still needed support 13 years after the rampage." The group organized to help the victims of Aurora and many others.

The Columbine case has burned itself into the collective consciousness of the United States as one of the most shocking massacres of firearms. It was and still is not the only one. After that followed many more who left endless suffering. In the years 2000 to 2017 alone, according to the FBI, there were 250 cases in the United States, with offenders shooting at them. Nearly 800 people died, more than 1400 were injured. Other statistics explicitly point out incidents at schools and universities.

One of the worst "school shootings" of recent times is the killing spree on February 14, 2018 at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. A former student had killed 17 people there. The horror in the country was then great, the grief huge, but also the anger.

Parkland students launched massive protests against the comparatively lax gun laws in the US - fueling the year-long debate over stricter rules in the country. Many supported the youth, but met with massive resistance from the gun lobby and US weapons advocates. As so often.

Just before the anniversary: ​​Amok alarm in Columbine

The dispute is not resolved to this day, the topic does not let go of the people in the US. Shortly before the anniversary of the Columbine High School attack, authorities feared another attack on the school. Shortly thereafter, a suspected 18-year-old was found dead near Denver, Colorado. But in the rest of the country it comes again and again to amok threats and "school shootings".

How many people remain physically intact after such attacks and then suffer massively is barely comprehensible in numbers. Especially for them, the "Rebels Project" is intended. Certainly a thousand survivors of massacres have turned to the non-profit organization so far, say the initiators. Those affected want to help themselves - and others.

Once a year, survivors meet for a weekend to learn techniques that help them to process their trauma, and above all, to exchange ideas. They are people who understand each other because they went through the same thing. The same unruly fear. The loss. The destruction. The ongoing traumatization and overwhelming grief. The many funerals and memorial events.

Parkland students: felt less alone

So in July last year, Columbine survivor Michelle Wheeler came across Chad Williams, who survived the rampage in Parkland. His best friend, on the other hand, died. After talking to Wheeler, he felt less alone, says Williams, 19. "Last year, I felt like my world was falling completely down," he says.

"Just hearing the stories of other people who've been through things like that, hearing how they got along with it, made me feel a little better."

In addition to the annual meetings, the "Rebels Project" organizes monthly group evenings in Colorado where those affected will find support. In addition, those affected exchange views in a private Facebook group. And survivors go to schools and other facilities to talk about the project. And about her experiences.

The funding of all these activities is often difficult and hard to get hold of government funds, the organizers say, but at least people suffering further would find their way to them. Like Sherrie Lawson.

Scared in the supermarket

In the middle of the night, around 3 o'clock in the morning, she was once again awakened by nightmares, unable to sleep - and googled on the Internet for help with her problems, Lawson says. She had seen a gunman shoot in Washington on September 16, 2013.

Months later, the woman still suffered from the experience - and met with little understanding in their environment. Sherrie Lawson says: "Even my friends said that the whole thing had been over for a while, so I should not have a problem with it anymore," she says. She had already struggled to cope with her normal everyday life. She was terrified when she went shopping in the supermarket and could not see the exit between the corridors with the high shelves.

Only in the "Rebels Project" did Lawson find people who made it clear that it is normal to suffer for months or even years under the experience, no matter what uninvolved people say.

"Trauma is not about competition, you do not have to compare it to traumatizing other people, it's yours," says Heather Martin.

The healing process is "never really over"

"People can be traumatized in a variety of ways during a massacre, and then suffer different levels of violence, even if they themselves have not been victims of violence," confirms Erika Felix, psychology professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara. "Such an experience shakes the belief in living in a safe environment."

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It is this message that Heather Martin now passes on to, for example, the two students at Stoneman Douglas High School, who interview her for her student newspaper. Every year in April, she is irritable again, tearful and slightly fizzy, says the 37-year-old. The healing process is "never really over".