Happily Divorced: When Separation Is Celebrated With More Joy Than Wedding

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After the barrage of good separations accompanied by heartfelt statements published on the networks of the ex-lovebirds who declare eternal love, respect and loyalty despite having separated their lives (the undeniable culprits of these separations being Mrs Wonderful Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin and their blissful 'conscious uncoupling'), the ex-couples have gone a step further: Now divorces are celebrated. That's what Pelayo Diaz and Andy McDougall did, for example, recently, a gesture that thrilled figures like Paula Echevarría and Miguel Ángel Silvestre. Newly divorced! Celebrating with friends this morning that Andy and I have officially signed the divorce. Two years ago, when we talked and came to the conclusion that love was over, I remember going to bed in tears. We were so sad to become strangers and forget so many adventures, travels, and craziness together. So we looked into each other's eyes and we both made a promise: to take care of each other and respect each other, and that Pelandy would not end there," explained the influencer, who comments that they constantly talk about all kinds of topics, both serious and banal, and that they continue to maintain internal codes that show that although romantic love is over, but affection and friendship, No. As if that weren't enough, in the photos that accompany the text, the former couple poses smiling in front of a cake that reads "Just divorced".

According to data from the National Institute of Statistics (INE), the number of divorces during 2022 increased by just over 13% compared to the previous year, and that is why more and more people are encouraged to celebrate their separations following in the wake of celebrities such as Katy Perry, who organized a party at home after Russell Brand asked her (via WhatsApp, by the way) the breakdown of the marriage. In other words: breakups are on the rise, but so is the desire to celebrate.

The celebration of a new era

We asked Clara Campos, a lawyer specialising in family law, how she sees celebrations like Pelayo's. "A few months ago, attending a conference on Family Law, I heard this phrase in one of the presentations: ''We get married for a few years, we divorce for life''. You probably never think that when you get married. I don't think anyone prepares you for a breakup, let alone a divorce. Therefore, building an amicable environment to reach a responsible divorce seems to me to be a challenge. And if you succeed and celebrate it together with your ex-spouse, in my opinion you have 'played the game' of couples who manage to divorce amicably. All my respect and congratulations to them," he said.

The expert clarifies that according to her professional experience, divorces are still very combative today, but that living immersed in a frenetic world in which immediacy and wanting everything 'for now' has taken over our day to day, sometimes, the parties involved in a divorce put aside their differences to reach quick and 'amicable' agreements that allow them to start as soon as possible with their lives. new lives. "A breakup of a marriage caused by infidelity is not the same as a separation of a couple between whom there has been no apparent problem, but who simply want to dissolve their bond after years of marriage to start a new stage separately. The first may be a little more complicated than the second by mixing other feelings and emotions derived from that infidelity, although I return to the idea that each case and each family is different," he clarifies, before commenting that of course, the controversy will also depend on whether there are children in the middleor whether, For example, there is an imbalance in the economic capacity of the spouses at the time of ending the marriage, if they are married in community of property or if, on the contrary, the regime of participation or separation of property applies.

Goodbye to the burial face

Divorces are changing so much that there are not only celebrations, but divorces via Zoom such as the one between Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy in the middle of the pandemic, which generated various memes for showing the designer a smile only comparable to the extreme happiness with which Nicole Kidman celebrated her separation from Tom Cruise. when she was photographed on the street, literally, jumping for joy. Apparently, it is fashionable to extol the happiness that a divorce generates for so many.

"More and more women and men are throwing divorce parties to celebrate or commemorate theirs. Some people throw their own parties. In other cases, they make it friends as a gesture of support for a colleague who has been through hell in their relationships. A big party can bring a long and difficult process to a close, bringing much-needed fun and laughter to a time of change," writes Christine Gallagher, author of The Divorce Party Handbook. "Too often, the divorce process can drag on for an extended period and the couple is stuck in a stressful limbo. The divorce party is an opportunity to publicly declare that the marriage is over. All other major life events (birth, coming of age, graduation, marriage, death) have ritualized ceremonies that help us make the change. A divorce party provides the ritual we need to face a difficult life transition full of mixed emotions. It's an opportunity to vent, cry, laugh, scream, whatever we need to do, in the company of dear friends and family.

Erasing a stigma

In the book, Gallagher says that although increasingly common, marital breakdown still carries a stigma, with divorced people sometimes feeling left out. Therefore, these types of celebrations are perfect for the circle around the separated to show their understanding, support, and love for the newly separated person. "It's important to take care of where things are done from. If you do it with the intention of rubbing the other person how happy you are, it is an act that is not benefiting you, because you are disguising shortcomings and wounds that have not yet healed," Rocío López de la Chica, co-author with Miguel Ángel Corral of 'Separated', explains to YO DONA. "The truth is that separation, culturally, has been experienced as mourning, especially because of a social issue for women. Separation has a stigma that makes us endure in a relationship that no longer adds us up, so when we separate, we are happy and deserve to be honored. You have to give yourself permission to be well and women especially need to allow yourself to do so, especially if you have children involved, when it seems that being happy is thrown in your face," she adds.

On Instagram, the hashtag #divorceparty has almost 70,000 posts, including all kinds of cakes ("I'm free!" she says in one of them) and balloon parties celebrating separation. This is where we find nuances, as there are many parties in which there is an attitude of spite that has nothing to do with that joint celebration of Pelayo and Andy.

The truth is that as much as some celebrities boast of perfect or different separations, companies specializing in event organizations, although they have noticed interest, point out that we cannot yet talk about a trend. "Although it is true that we have asked for a favor to some clients, we have done it," says Kubalu Events.

The author of the text admits that she has planned to organize a seafood party with friends on December 20, the date on which I separated from my partner. The reasons? Simply, to celebrate that after a dark period, the light returns. And eating scallops, why deny it. In the end, to be happy it is not necessary to eat partridges as a couple, but perhaps, enjoy some barnacles with friends.

• Couple relationships