Is it unromantic to talk about love and pull numbers? We apologize in advance, but a study published by the FAD's Reina Sofía Centre on Adolescence and Youth reveals that one in three young people want to be an influencer. What should be warned is that having a lot of followers can trip up your love life. This is what Marta tells us, who prefers to remain anonymous but who has a large number of followers for work reasons. "When I've been with a guy and he's seen my profile, at first he's liked it because of the type of photos I upload, but then it's something that has pushed him away, considering that, because I have some exposure, more people will have access to me, which can be a risk for a future relationship. As a rule, a guy on the street prefers a less public person to a more exposed one," he says.
Ester López Turrillo, psychologist, specialist in gender studies and author of 'Maternar consciente', warns from the outset that if a suitor is jealous because his partner is exposed on social media, we may be facing a case of possession. "Let's not forget that the belief that jealousy is evidence of love is still widespread. However, it may also be that the person fears that their partner is saying something that they are not comfortable with. But a timely conversation could calm that insecurity. Good communication should be an essential part of relationships from the beginning," he explains. Marta comments that the insecurity of the other is what comes into play on many occasions. "I think it's in the man's DNA. He likes to have his partner all to himself, and the fact that she exposes herself on a social network makes him displeased. That can bring out insecurities and generate fear that someone else will appear that you may like more," she says. Although, of course, that would imply that those who have a partner are open to meeting someone new, and those fears are not always far-fetched. In fact, Meghan Markle wouldn't have stopped by Buckingham Palace if her friend hadn't uploaded a photo of herself on Instagram that captured Harry's attention, and the recently separated Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner began their romance through private messages on Instagram.
The Devastating Effects of Phubbing
There is no doubt that the telephone and social networks affect relationships, and not only in their early stages. It is so common that there is an anglicism that gives its name to the behavior of paying little attention to the other person because they are aware of their mobile phone: phubbing. Its consequences have devastating effects on dating, because according to a study carried out by the dating app Hinge, almost eight out of 10 users of the application become disinterested in their date if the other starts talking on the phone during it. "In the times we live in, social media is very integrated into our lives. Of course, this will have an effect on the way we relate to each other. I don't know if it's so much when it comes to finding a partner, but it is in how we bond with each other. In our patterns of attachment, wounds and insecurities," explains Ester López Turrillo. He adds: "In terms of mental health, we could measure an excess of social media use in terms of addiction. Does it make me anxious not to share every day? What if what I post doesn't have the impact I expected?" And this relationship with social networks will necessarily also influence our own relationships.
Where is the limit?
The presenter Ares Txeidó, who can currently be seen on the television program 'Zapeando' (La Sexta), comments that sometimes, the number of followers she has and her hypervisibility bother her more than her partners. "Sometimes I get the feeling that people come to me because of that. I'm always scared, thinking that what they can look for is visibility on social media. However, I confess that my partners have never been scared by mine when they have been people outside the networks or my profession. We've been adapting it: I've had relationships where the other person tried to stay more on the sidelines and others who were in my networks more organically, so I've given visibility to that relationship in the digital world," she says.
But it's not all easy. "Since I'm recently separated, I feel like there are people who have insisted, and even almost forced, me to explain on my social media that my relationship is over. They make the excuse that I've always told how the relationship was going when it was good, so they want me to let them know about the bad times as well. In the end, I do and undo whatever I want on my networks. Any breakup needs a grieving process, and I've suffered a lot of demands from fans to tell something I don't want to tell."
However, the presenter does not deny her networks. "I have friends who don't want to go out on my networks and I respect that, and if I find a partner who asks, of course, I will respect that. Sometimes I even think it's better, because that way, I don't repeat the story I've been living these months... But that's the way I am, and I'm sure I'd make the same mistakes again, because when I'm happy and I share my life with someone, I show that part of my life as a couple," she adds.
Alicia Gonzalez, author of 'Better Friends', interprets that there will be those who see someone's intimate life on social media that they are repulsed and consider excessive. "However, for others, seeing a photo of a person who is emotional, crying or expressing their vulnerability gives them a sense of warmth and humanity, and therefore they are attracted to them." In any case, says the expert, referring to who publishes the photos, "the most important thing is to do it consciously, to choose how much of my life I share and where the limit would be."
Networks and ego
On the other side of the scale, there are those who find those unicorns who do not have social networks extremely attractive, something that they strive to point out in the profiles of dating apps, aware that there are those who believe that people who stay offline will be less narcissistic. Sadly, neither likes nor followers nor lack thereof guarantee that the ego is absent. If Narcissus had had a front-facing camera on his mobile phone, he wouldn't have approached a pond to look at his reflection, would he?