You feel like your life has come to an end. You have been in a relationship or a marriage for a long time. All of a sudden, it is over, and you are angry, sad, depressed, and feeling totally alone. It really feels that you’ll never be happy or love again.
Take a step back and take a deep breath. You are not the first person ever to have had this happen. Others have recovered, and you will too.
Here are 11 tips to make it happen.
Getting Over That Breakup
Understand the grieving process – The First Step
A breakup/divorce is like a death. And when you lose someone who was near and dear, you have to grieve that loss. There are stages you will need to go through, while you take part in all of the other tips you find here. Those stages are:
- Denial – “This can’t be happening. We’ll get back together again.”
- Anger – “How can they do this to me? After all I’ve done for them?”
- Bargaining – “If we can just get back together, I’ll never criticize them again.”
- Depression – “I’m so sad; I’ll never be happy again.”
- Acceptance – “it’s really over, and I need to move on.”
Now all of these other tips can work while you go through this process, and they may help you get through it faster and easier.
Don’t Do Something Rash or Make Any Big Decisions
This includes everything from getting your hair cut off or a tattoo to major decisions like quitting a job or moving to a new place. These are reactive behaviors that you may really regret later. Just wait.
Don’t Agree to Be Friends or to Keep in Touch
It’s just not wise right now. If you keep talking to them or decide that you can be friends, you are kidding yourself. Right now, the break needs to be clean, so you can get over them. This may be a possibility in the distant future, but not now. Block them from your phone and all of your social media accounts. Then you won’t be tempted.
Allow Your Emotions to Flow
Let them out. If you feel like screaming, do it. If you feel like crying, do that. It’s called catharsis, and it’s a good thing. What’s not good is keeping them bottled up inside.
Get Physically Active
Here’s the thing about physical activity. It activates “feel good” hormones in your brain, and that will lift your mood. And you’ll feel better that you are getting fit. Walk, run, ride a bike, and join a gym. See if you can get a friend to do this with you.
Focus on Your Own Future
Make a bucket list of all of the things you’d like to do. Go back to school? Take gourmet cooking or an art class? Travel to certain places?
Do Some Volunteer Work
Nothing makes us feel better than doing good for others. And it lets us get outside of ourselves and our problems when we see those of others. Do you love animals? Volunteer at your local animal shelter. Do you like to work with kids? Volunteer to tutor or read. Do you love helping the elderly? There are all sorts of things you can do to fill the time that you would otherwise spend feeling sad.
Have Some Retail Therapy
You don’t have to go overboard, but it feels good to have some new clothes or accessories if only to wear them to work or school. Or just buy a new painting or something else for your place. It’s just a good mood lifter.
Hook Up With Old Friends
Sometimes when we are in a relationship, we don’t see our old friends as often. Now is the time to do that – make plans for lunch or to meet up for drinks after work. Just avoid places where you and your ex used to go and try to avoid mutual friends you had. The wounds and the memories are just too fresh.
Make a Playlist of Music that Puts You in a Good Mood
During your commutes, while you are cleaning up around the house, put on those headphones or earbuds, and play music that you have always liked – music that picks up your mood. You can even add some strong breakup songs if they focus on how you will be strong and survive.
Examine What You Have Learned From This Relationship
Were you too accommodating? Were you not accommodating enough? Did you try to control your partner too much? Did you not communicate enough? Did your career become so important that you ignored their needs? Once you have identified the underlying causes of the breakup, you will know what you want to avoid in the future when you meet your partner. If you need some professional counseling to work through this, get it.
Ready to Get Back “Out There?’
Only you will know when the time is right. We all grieve and get over our grief in different time frames. One thing is for certain. If you follow these tips, you are likely to heal faster and be ready to seek a new relationship. Get going!