• Relationships Find a partner at age 30. The age of demand
  • Book It is neither up to you nor can you do everything. And besides, you suffer more. Love in the XXI century, according to Tamara Tenenbaum
  • Health Stress promotes alcohol consumption in women

Think about this scene: day back from vacation, several suitcases to unpack. If there are children involved, things get intense. Gossip everywhere. She (almost always) wants to open Pandora's box and throw winds and storms to wash. He (pardon the stereotype) does not feel that urgency and leaves his 'trolley' anywhere, so richly. There is also a need to fill the fridge, make food, ventilate the house, water the geraniums that have survived, and as if it were a transplant, she wants to do everything and do it now. A mosque is brewing there.

We continue: how long can you live with an unpacked suitcase? As long as clean underwear is available? Days, weeks, (my God) months? Now this is no longer an anger, but a major anger.

More: at an indeterminate point in time in history, nothing is perfect (not even right!) and whatever happens. She is a hurricane, she raises her accusing finger and, simply, she messes up brown. Is she too demanding, hysterical? He, a dysfunctional adult? Is a suitcase so important?

And where you read suitcase, you can put dishwasher, 'whatsapp' of school, make the income statement, call the insurance ... And other tasks, not 'mandatory' but that you want, such as the management of family leisure, birthdays, children's piano, children's tennis, children's robotics ... Let's add work, be great, take care of parents and finally, the requirements of adulthood in general.

Sonia Díaz Rois is a coach specialized in anger management and Enneagram, a self-observation tool that allows you to know nine basic personality types to understand yourself and others. From her experience working with emotions, she has created the three-month GTI (Manage Your Anger) program, with the aim of helping women who are tired of being by life, to regain their peace of mind and improve their relationships. There is nothing. We ask him about many things and also, of course, why we do with that suitcase...

Sonia Diaz RoisFERNANDO DC

In the nineteenth century, women were diagnosed with hysteria, a 'fake' disease that has fueled prejudices such as that we complain a lot and about everything. Let's treat this with care. Of course. They carry clichés like boys don't cry, and women are conditioned by many others. For example, it is frowned upon for a woman to get angry. We have only recently started to get angry in public and we are learning how to do it. If we are not more angry, why is your anger management program focused on women? Nine out of ten people I deal with are women. We generally have more interest in improving. We are more self-critical, reflective and humble when it comes to recognizing patterns that can be modified. We demand a lot from each other, and society does too: you have to be beautiful, be smart, make many plans ... What is your program to manage anger? The first thing is to be aware that you are cranky and stressed. You have to detect that signal and see what makes you angry and when it happens. The second, think with the other how you can reach an intermediate point and also see what others around us need. Finally, we have to look for ways out to prevent that anger. It can be using a keyword with your partner, for example. What we are doing is being aware that we are getting angry and cutting it off. You distinguish between anger, anger, and anger. Please explain. Anger is a basic emotion, it tells us that something is happening but it is a neutral message. It is striking that it is so normalized. If we do nothing to cut it, anger comes, which is the next step. It's like a risqué anger fed with our thoughts. The anger can still be stopped. But if we have not been able to, we leave our mother and fall into anger, where we get toads and snakes. This state is like a mental hijacking. It is important to know how to manage that anger so that the storm is not triggered: something is happening, stop, see what happens. That's what I work on. Okay, fine, but what do we do with that undone suitcase that is in between? You have to think if it really is something so serious and why nobody has to remove the suitcase when you want. Women who tend to anger need to have their environment ordered so that their anger does not arouse, that is, they do not demand it just because, they are not hysterical or crazy. Order gives them calm. And the other person may simply not need it and flows with some chaos around. But for that you have to analyze what your personality is like and ask, not accuse. It would be something like 'help me keep some order', instead of 'you're on the couch with this mess'. Being flexible is something you train. Let's relativize. A middle way is an unpacked suitcase in a corner, not in the middle of the living room. However, if the other person does not offer any collaboration for what you need, he may not be the person of your life. You have to know where your limit is. And where we say suitcase, we say clean the bathrooms... The important thing is to recognize that the suitcase or the bathrooms do not disturb everyone and that whoever does not take care of it does not do it to bother you. That anger you feel cannot be managed within him. You have to talk about it before the whiplash of anger because maybe the other person hasn't even found out! If you need more cleaning and he doesn't, why not consider hiring theguide or pay you to do it before the situation becomes entrenched? Why do we sometimes believe that if we are not present, nothing goes? Many women have had decisive responsibilities since childhood and adulthood, that pattern is activated. They believe that if they are not, everything will go to waste, and they live in overexertion. It doesn't just happen in a house, but in work teams. They take care of many things, they don't delegate. If you recognize yourself there, you can start to release ballast and see that things can be done differently and come out more or less the same, flow. There are other ways to experience life besides our own.

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

Learn more