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In an episode of the American series 'Modern Love', Lil, always in love with Vince, says: "I know you have feelings for me." He replies, "You're my best friend!" That word like no other is the one that punctures the balloon of the love illusion, the one that disrupts all plans, the one that fulminates like lightning to those who expect a 'yes' without 'buts'.

What happened along the way? Did she misunderstand? Was he sentimentally or sexually interested? Although it is crucial to send the right signals so that there are no misunderstandings, it is also essential to know how to read the messages wisely. Thus, it is easier not to see love where there is only friendship or, simply, a desire of the other to be kind and attentive. Keep in mind that this interest in pleasing, known as social desirability, is innate to the human being and seeks to be accepted by the group. Nothing to do with flirting...

We asked four experts how not to live in the first person as if it were a comedy of misunderstandings so as not to confuse flirtation with other intentions. Have you ever doubted if that nice neighbor threw the yew trees at you? Or if that newcomer office mate is looking for more than just a friend in you?

Elva López, graduated in Psychology; Itziar Jiménez Sevilla, expert in couples at the Cláritas Psychological Institute; Sara Navarrete, director of the Center for Clinical and Health Psychology of Valencia; and Inmaculada Martínez, psychologist and member of Doctoralia provide these keys to clarify confusing moments, although they insist: nothing like using language to get out of doubt.

Although it requires some courage, since being so direct in these situations has always been a taboo, the best tools to avoid wasting time analyzing clues and making conjectures is to talk to the other; prudently but also clearly.

If you don't talk about it openly, watch for these signs

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  • If a co-worker meets with you for a drink when leaving the office, but would do it or does the same with any other colleague, you are not interested as a couple.
  • Nor if he tells you that he wants to know more about you, know your tastes, values, etc. It's not proof of anything, especially if you think he behaves like that with other women. He may simply want to have a good relationship with you.
  • If he is someone sensitive who likes to talk and does not find someone to do it with his group of friends, it is likely that he approaches you looking for a certain sensitivity with which to connect. Nothing else. You may even be going through a difficult personal situation, a divorce, for example, and look for a confidant to vent.
  • If you maintain a relationship with him that involves some flirting or flirting, but you find that he does not prioritize you or show interest in including you in his social circle, you are not interested.
  • Nor if he does not propose breads or projects together that involve strengthening the relationship.
  • And attention to non-verbal communication: when a man is flirting, he often seeks eye contact, smiles, and has an open posture towards the woman he is interested in. He leans toward her when he speaks, seeking physical contact, touching a shoulder or arm in communication. If you don't do any of that...
  • And also eye to verbal communication: some use compliments about the physical appearance of the woman, her personality or any other aspect that stands out. However, it is important to consider the frequency and nature of praise. If the compliments are constant and have a more romantic or suggestive tone, it is more likely to be an attempt at flirting. In the event that there is no romantic or sexual interest, and only has an attitude of kindness, communication is more neutral, without the need to use flattery.
  • If a man is flirting, he is likely to make use of a sense of humor, with funny comments and adopt a playful attitude. It will seek to make the woman laugh and establish a relaxed atmosphere. Also indirect and double meanings, in some cases of a sexual nature, can be indicators.
  • If he's not looking for a conversation with you or to coincide in some activity, he probably has no love or sexual interest in you.
  • If he doesn't speak to you in a different tone than he does with other people, women or men, he's not likely to want to flirt with you either.
  • Psychology

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