Xiaoli is a senior art student at a middle school in Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region. Xiaoli has a quick thinking and maintains her grades in the upper middle of the class. "The results of each weekly exam are not bad, and there is not much gap from the target university." Xiaoli's mother said. As the college entrance examination approached, Xiaoli's mood became more and more tense and anxious, often falling into depression, sleeping hard, and her grades lagged behind a lot.

The mother's heart was "hanged" at once, and the mother and daughter often fell into tense and anxious quarrels.

"None of the results are online, you disappoint me so much, how can it go on like this?" Her mother's scolding doubled Xiaoli's pressure, and she often fell into self-blame and fear. "I knew my mom loved me, but she always said things that suppressed me. I used to understand it, but now I really can't stand it. ”

In the increasingly tense emotional pressure and quarrels, Xiaoli's mother took the initiative to take her child to the Xinjiang 12355 Psychological Counseling Center for psychological counseling.

Kui Jing is one of the consultation counselors in Xinjiang 12355. When she first saw Xiaoli, Kui Jing obviously felt Xiaoli's mood down. "The girl has her head down, her eyes are blank, and her hair is oily." Subsequently, on the basis of consulting Xiaoli's opinion, she and her mother were counseled psychologically in the form of individual counseling.

Kui Jing believes that Xiaoli's mother is a typical anxious parent. This type of parent is often overly concerned about their children's grades, supervises and forces their children to learn, and neglects to express love and support for their children. "Before the college entrance examination, many students and parents will have a certain degree of anxiety, but unbalanced care will only add invisible pressure to children."

In fact, there is no doubt about the love of parents for their children, but no matter how strong the love is, it needs to be based on science. To this end, Kui Jing agreed to carry out weekly family counseling with Xiaoli and her mother to effectively guide the interaction mode of Xiaoli's family. She believes that Xiaoli's mother should properly distract her attention from her academic performance and pay as much attention as possible to her children's daily needs and daily emotional problems. "Usually pay more attention to the overall situation of the child, and tactfully ask her what happened, so that you can establish a smoother communication channel."

With the college entrance examination approaching, how should parents treat their children's grades correctly?

Kui Jing said that parents should first formulate academic plans based on their children's actual learning ability and reduce expectations and goals. "It is necessary to help children find their own learning strengths to strengthen, stabilize the learning shortcomings, improve learning efficiency, and increase practice time." On this basis, parents can also arrange some progressive goals to help their children progress step by step. "After such planning is done, parents will see the hope of their children's later development, parents' anxiety will be reduced, and children will be more confident."

Secondly, emotions are conductive, parents need to stabilize emotions, maintain good parent-child communication, accept children's negative emotions for positive guidance. "Don't disturb your child's emotions and increase invisible stress because of your own emotions."

In addition, parents should actively guide and accompany their children to tide over the difficulties of the college entrance examination. Before and after the college entrance examination, children are in a period of high anxiety, will be extremely sensitive and anxious, and are very concerned about parents' language, expressions and interaction patterns, and need parents' trust, respect and support at this time.

Kui Jing believes that in the face of children during the college entrance examination, parents should play the role of listeners and establish a relationship of mutual trust and encouragement with their children. In daily communication, it is necessary to communicate with children in positive and affirmative language to create a safe and comfortable physical and psychological environment for children. "This not only helps children build self-confidence, but also helps children perform at their due level in the college entrance examination."

It is reported that the Xinjiang Communist Youth League 12355 youth service hotline actively responds to teenagers' growth troubles and development problems. For adolescents with more serious psychological problems, the Xinjiang Healthy and Happy Growth Center for Adolescents has set up psychological counseling expert seats and 8 supporting function rooms to provide standardized and professional mental health services such as mental health counseling, mental health assessment, psychological relaxation experience, and mental health education to adolescents face-to-face.

In recent years, the Xinjiang Communist Youth League, together with the Lawyers Association of the Xinjiang Autonomous Region and authoritative psychological counselors in the autonomous region, has set up the "Youth Legal and Psychological Volunteer Service Team of the Autonomous Region", composed of 21 legal experts and 20 psychological counselors. Relying on the Xinjiang Communist Youth League WeChat public account to open a sub-section of "legal and psychological consultation", combined with online consultation and offline assistance, 24 hours a day for teenagers of all ethnic groups to answer legal questions, relieve psychological confusion, help solve practical difficulties encountered in life, study and work, and provide high-quality psychological counseling and counseling for psychological problems encountered by teenagers of all ethnic groups in parent-child education, marriage and dating, emotional management, etc., as well as legal problems in marriage and family, contract disputes, tort compensation, etc.

Li Yue, trainee reporter of China Youth Daily Source: China Youth Daily