• Real motherhood Myths and truths about sex after children
  • Sex The taboo surrounding the female orgasm: "It's quite common not to arrive only with penetration"
  • Routine Does sex as a couple (the same as always) seem boring to you? Take a spin and liven up your bedroom

For many it is not easy to talk about what happens in their bedroom. Some, considering it an intimate matter that does not require ventilation; and others, by complex or embarrassment. Sex is probably one of the most everyday and at the same time most silenced acts of the human being. It is also a breeding ground for taboos that are difficult to break down, especially when it comes to less conventional sex.

Getting out of the pot, that is, having inclination or desires linked to practices such as BDSM (acronyms that come from 'bondage' / discipline domination / submission and sadism / masochism) does not make you a 'bedesemero', but someone related to 'kink' sex, that is, free of prejudices and willing to fulfill fantasies. The traditional, on the contrary, is called in these circles vanilla sex.

But what exactly is kink sex? Cecilia Bizzotto, sociologist and spokesperson for the liberal platform JOYclub Spain, explains what it consists of and what its codes are.

What does kink sex have to do with BDSM? BDSM is a set of practices related to submission and domination, with sadomapsychism and 'bondage' [based on the immobilization of a person's body with ropes, handcuffs, fabrics, etc.]. There is a lot of variety in here. Those who practice it are 'bedesemeros' and it really is a lifestyle. It is part of their identity and transcends the purely sexual realm. The 'kinkies', on the other hand, only want to spice their relationships with some specific practices: to be tied, to make a game of submission, to whip or to be whipped with a whip ... But occasionally. So, isn't BDSM just about sex? Not necessarily. They move it to many areas of their lives and can have a partner on the one hand, and submissive on the other, with whom there does not have to be sex. It is a whole subculture that manages its own codes. They function almost like an urban tribe and are part of their identity. In fact, they have a holiday that is celebrated on July 24, referring to the fact that BDSM is part of their lives 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Bedesemeros may use certain costumes to declare to other members of the community whether they are dominant or submissive. These details go unnoticed by the rest of the people. For example, submissives can wear a leather collar with a ring that passes through a simple accessory. They also sometimes carry a mark on aesthetics that links them to those who dominate them: if I am dominant and identify with a cat, my submissive will carry a feline symbol.

Shutterstock

Is there a specific type of people who practice kink sex? When there have been surveys of the population about their sexual preferences, most people have declared to have some fantasy related to BDSM. We can all be 'kinkies' no matter how 'vanilla' [conventional] we are. It is true that it is more likely to have fantasies than to really put them into practice.How can we propose to a couple to perform this type of practice? One of the dialogues that you have to have with the couple, and resume it from time to time, is what your fantasies are. As it is sometimes difficult to say, for example, 'I want you to slap me, I propose as a tool to watch erotic cinema or read literature, and that it serves as an excuse to bring up the subject. In addition to being very exciting, it allows you to know much more about the other. There is also a useful game: each one writes on his own a list with fantasies and the other has to fulfill some of them within a certain period. This normalizes taboos and since almost everyone has some 'kink' desire, no one will think you are weird. Some time ago, actress Emma Watson showed her admiration for the 'kink' culture because they are the ones who most present have consent. Of course, because you have to have a lot of confidence and respect to agree on limits. That's why you need to have a relationship with that person, to also dare to communicate your desires. For example, you can agree on a certain degree of violence if it is what you like, but with the limit that it does not leave marks. That requires the other to be very aware of the damage he does to you so as not to exceed that agreed limit. It is essential for the relationship to be healthy and consensual.How can someone enter this world and find like-minded people? If you prefer to turn to the internet, I recommend specific social networks. They are open to many practices and you will not find taboos. In addition, when you register, you answer according to your preferences and that allows you to filter to find people who are looking for the same thing as you. That information is in the profile so you don't waste time. You can also know what events, meetings or clubs [dungeons, exchange of couples, etc.] are in your area and go to them. Concrete networks are best. There are people searching on Tinder, and that's a mainstream platform. Non-consensual situations occur that are normalized in porn and, for example, they grab the other person by the neck, hit them or spit on them without asking first. That is abuse.

  • Sex

According to the criteria of The Trust Project

Learn more