The whole world is calling for the abandonment of "crying shame", because crying has many benefits.
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Just past Qingming Festival, many people expressed their thoughts of their deceased relatives and friends on social platforms. Some of the copywriting was sincere and touching, attracting many netizens to comment and forward. It's just that some of the expressions in the comments at first glance seem out of place with the touching atmosphere, leaving people scratching their heads: "the eyes are sweaty", "the eyes are fogged", "the eyes are peeing" ... It wasn't until someone said "I didn't cry, but my eyes got into the sand" that others understood: it turned out that everyone was using expressions such as "sweaty eyes" to avoid directly saying "tears" and "crying".
Why, is the word "crying" so difficult to say?
Shame on crying is not necessary
From an early age, parents teach their children to "be strong", "don't cry", "don't cry", "no need to cry", and even say "still cry, not shameful" when their children cry. It seems that "crying" and having negative emotions are not decent enough, it is shameful, and even this expression makes people feel embarrassed.
This reduction of subjective emotional experience by suppressing the hope of emotional expression behavior is called "expression inhibition" in emotion regulation strategies. According to a number of studies, this regulation strategy of expression inhibition will make people have more negative emotional experiences in the future. In other words, it is not necessary to be ashamed of crying and not to cry.
This is not just a characteristic of Chinese culture, and we are not the only ones who need to shame crying. There is even a profession in Japan called "tear living teacher", or "tear therapist", which specializes in "tear seeking" classes to help people let go of the concept of "we shouldn't cry" and cry freely and get better. From a mental health perspective, the world is calling for the abandonment of "crying shame", because crying has many benefits.
Crying is actually very beneficial
Crying is a way to regulate emotions. Physiologically, crying requires us to take deeper and longer breaths, and deep breathing is an important way to calm the heart rhythm and calm emotions. Research by Limesey Medical Center in St. Paul, Minnesota, USA, found that tears contain hormones related to stress, which means that tears take away some of our stress. Crying also helps us produce more endorphins, a neurotransmitter that can make people feel good, so "you'll feel better after crying" is not an empty phrase.
Crying can even make people healthier and live longer. Tears can expel human waste, keep the eyeballs moist, wash away eye dust, and the lysozyme contained in them can also sterilize the eyes. Studies have suggested that women live longer on average than men, and one of the reasons is that women cry more often.
Crying also brings people closer. When we cry, we let go of our defenses and expose our vulnerability, which means you trust the other person. Therefore, friends who have experienced negative events together and cried together will have stronger relationships. When there is conflict between friends, crying can also play a role in promoting reconciliation, because crying digs deep feelings of helplessness out of the surface anger, allowing both parties to see each other's desire to need each other's support. In the counseling room, when the client who has always been depressed begins to cry, the counselor will know that the relationship between the two parties is safer and the opportunity for change has come.
Crying works better this way
If you want to make better use of the role of crying, you can try the following methods.
When you want to cry, cry out loud. When we want to cry, our emotional energy is often stronger, and if we choose to cry silently and sobb softly at this time, these energies can only be released very slowly, making us cry for a long time and still want to cry. Crying for a few minutes can quickly release energy and allow us to return to a calmer state faster. However, you don't have to cry when your emotional energy is not strong, otherwise you may make yourself very tired; After crying, it is best to drink more water to moisten your throat.
There are many specific places where we can cry, and it is better to choose a place with air circulation to cry rather than a small and closed space. A 2021 study found that when mice were confronted with a traumatic stimulus again in an environment with higher carbon dioxide concentrations, the traumatic response lasted longer and was more difficult to recover, possibly because carbon dioxide reinforced the memory of the traumatic experience. Therefore, although crying with your head covered in the bed can make people feel safe, in order to recover faster, choose to go to the balcony and cry.
In addition, if you want to cry in front of other people, it is best to first assess whether this person is "safe" for you, and whether they will engage in behaviors that make you feel more uncomfortable in your heart, such as preaching, contempt, etc. Crying can bring people closer, but the effect of bringing people closer also depends on how the person is.
Of course, if it is replaced by others who can't stop crying in front of us, we must also have an attitude of acceptance and tolerance, allow them to cry, and accompany them to vent. Chizuko Ueno said, "When people come to this world in a weak state and eventually leave in a weak state, we should admit that we have a weak side, and on this basis, support and help each other." "There is nothing to be ashamed of crying", let us cry if we want to cry, and say "cry" if we want to say "cry" directly.
Yin Jinxiu Source: China Youth Daily