Xiang Hang, who just graduated from Fujian Normal University and is about to go to graduate school, is often recommended by relatives and friends in his family as a blind date. Before the admission notice is "hot", his mother pushed him to the "blind date".
"When I was a senior, my mother started urging me to fall in love." At first, Xiang Hang would prevaricate on the grounds that he was "too young" and "too busy with homework". Slowly sprouting in the bottom of my heart, "I have time to think about some of my own problems after the postgraduate entrance examination. I still yearn for love, and I feel that marriage and love can indeed be considered at this age."
Putting on a large padded jacket as long as the calf, putting on snow boots and a thick hat, Liang Xiaohua pushed open the door and walked into the cold wind in Beijing at the end of November.
She is not going to "winter practice three-nine", but to go on a blind date.
Four months after graduation, her father's friend introduced her to a boy.
At first, she thought that she had just started working, and it would be good to know more people her age.
However, the other party called before adding her WeChat: "We can meet offline." Liang Xiaohua's scalp tightened, "I don't really want to meet, and I'm a little uncomfortable with his 'direct' and meeting arrangements." But after all, it was introduced by the elders, so embarrassed to refute the elders' face, she still agreed.
But the embarrassing experience of that blind date made her quickly tell her parents to stop looking for a blind date for herself.
"Blind date" is a topic of young people's marriage and love that has attracted much attention. Topics such as "what's the experience of a successful blind date", "new methods of contemporary blind date", and "those blind date scenes that make you want to escape" have reached tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of views on Weibo.
There are different opinions about the experience of blind date. The Chinese youth school media launched a questionnaire survey on the topic of blind date. A total of 3,089 valid questionnaires were collected by young people who studied or graduated from 204 colleges and universities.
The survey results show that 44.84% of the respondents can accept blind date, 20.39% do not accept blind date, and 34.77% are not sure whether they will choose blind date.
39.86% of the young people surveyed agree that "a blind date cannot be a friend"
"I have some 'social fears' and rarely meet new people of the opposite sex. Blind date provides me with a channel and opportunity." In Xiang Hang's view, young people don't have to regard blind date as the "shackles" of love. "Blind date is more like a It creates fate for love and provides us with a way to contact the opposite sex. Blind date can also be love at first sight, you can judge by yourself whether you need to further communicate with the other party, and you don't need to put pressure on yourself." Xiang Hang said that she prefers direct contact, The frank communication method, "In normal times, friends and classmates will be more shy when they meet. Because of face, no one dares to ask each other for dinner, and eventually miss a relationship."
According to Chi Yukai, an associate professor at the School of Psychology at South China Normal University, more young people can accept blind dates, which is generally a good phenomenon.
"Young people don't think blind date is old-fashioned and only accept free love, nor do they insist that only lovers who have been examined by their parents are reliable. They agree that finding people who love each other does not require a fixed pattern, which shows that young people have an open and mature personality and mentality, and have a social atmosphere. We are open to all forms of marriage and dating.”
The China Youth School Media survey found that some respondents can accept blind dates because they are usually busy with study or work and have little time to meet the opposite sex (44.78%). Narrow, no chance to meet the opposite sex (39.58%), with the mentality of "it is best to find a boyfriend and girlfriend, if you can't make it, you should meet new friends" (39.86%), parents arrange, and they do not exclude themselves (38.44%) and so on.
Introduced by family members, friends and colleagues (66.62%) is still the most preferred blind date scene by respondents.
On the first blind date, Wang Xiao, who graduated from a college in Shanghai, was curious and wanted to see what the blind date was all about.
Now, he has regarded blind date as the fastest way to meet the opposite sex.
Before the official blind date, Wang Xiaohui and the introducer stated their own standards, "The introducer will recommend the opposite sex for you according to this. If you can accept it, you can meet. If it is not suitable, you will not see it. This will save everyone's time." , overall quality, and appearance requirements, but he still feels that the two people get along well and comfort is the first, and he chooses to meet the inherent qualities that the introducer does not necessarily understand, such as "doing things for others" and "understanding other people's emotions". Observe carefully.
Participating in social activities organized by schools or units (48.69%) and participating in social bureaus of friends and colleagues (45.74%) are also popular methods of blind date among the youths surveyed.
While vaccinating his parents for "refusing blind dates", Liang Xiaohua "scrambles" to sign up for the single youth networking event of his brother unit.
"I heard that the number of places for the event is very tight, so I quickly 'started'." The event was full of attractiveness to Liang Xiaohua, and several units belonging to different industries jointly organized the main itinerary to climb the Xishan Mountain in Beijing.
Not only can you meet new friends, you can also exercise outdoors, exercise, and if you are lucky, you can find a boyfriend. "This kind of activity is just in line with the preferences of young people."
She and more than 100 young people who participated in the event were pulled into a WeChat group, and before they met offline, everyone "played hi" online.
The young man took out the treasure emoji pack at the bottom of the box, and started a wave of fighting pictures; Xishan was far from the city, so everyone discussed in the group, who can carpool with whom, and who can drive a few nearby.
At the foot of the West Mountain, the organizer gave everyone a number plate that was posted on their body, with the group serial number written on it, and they also used a marker to fill in their name in the blank.
The group she is in is all post-95s of the same age as her. After understanding, she found that the groups were divided by the organizers according to their age. "The post-80s will be divided into the post-80s group, and the post-00s and the post-00s group."
In addition to the "big project" of more than 100 people heading to the top of the mountain at the same time, each group has to complete a small game that can only be completed by several people on the way to the mountain. During the game, several young people who were originally unfamiliar gradually became familiar with each other.
Some people hope to "long flow", and some people hope to "go straight to the goal"
Chen Yulong, who is studying at Jinan University, said bluntly that he would not consider a blind date at the moment: "If one day my parents urge marriage, I would probably resist." He hopes to fall in love and get married at his own pace, and blind date is more in line with the love of his parents. However, young people have more distinct personalities and have many different pursuits for love and married life.
"Couples have to run-in and consider many times before they can confirm whether they can become lifelong partners. The blind date is a bit impatient, and it may speed up the progress of the intimate relationship between the two, but it also omits the process of mutual understanding and running-in."
According to the survey results of the China Youth School Media, the reasons why some interviewed young people are reluctant to choose a blind date include preferring to go with the flow to meet the right person (56.32%), the blind date is very utilitarian (50.32%), and the blind date scene is too embarrassing (37.62%). %), it is difficult to see the true side of each other on a blind date (33.81%), and they do not want to be measured by labeled indicators such as appearance and salary (32.38%).
Qu Yuan, who graduated from Communication University of China, does not reject blind dates, but she is looking forward to a love that goes with the flow.
"I feel that a blind date means getting married as the primary purpose, rather than meeting and falling in love naturally, and then making a decision to marry, which will affect the concentration of feelings. Too much geographical consideration of practical interests may also ignore people's character and personality. The essence. So even if it's a blind date, I hope to start with being friends."
Liang Xiaohua resisted the two of them going on a blind date alone because the embarrassing experience of the first blind date lingered.
The location was in a park. In the winter when the temperature was close to zero degrees Celsius, the two circled around the lake in the park. Liang Xiaohua was shivering from the cold.
What made Liang Xiaohua even more conflicted was that the boy who had been working for several years expressed his wish to get married within a year.
"I just saw the first time, and I kept pulling my life progress bar forward."
But there are also young people who give different answers to this.
After several rounds of rehearsal and rehearsal in his heart, Xiang Hang began his first blind date experience.
"Our parents have been friends for many years, and we all know the bottom line, so I think it's quite reliable." The atmosphere that night was not as "embarrassing" as expected, "The boy is quite talkative and will take the initiative to find topics. Talk about some interesting things about yourself at school. Parents will also 'assist' by the side, and from time to time they will mention that we have a lot of fate, and we will go to school in Henan together in the future."
In Chi Yukai's view, both the blind date model with strong purpose and the form of friendship with strong social attributes have value.
"Some young people are really eager to get married. For example, when someone reaches a certain age, the purpose of a blind date is to find a marriage partner, and there is a need for a direct and efficient blind date model." In the eyes of some young people, it is necessary to meet for the first time. Labeling oneself as "appearance", "family background", "economic strength", "work unit" and other Facebook labels are too utilitarian, but for some young people, this is a way to improve communication efficiency and avoid detours. a way.
The more urgent needs of some young people or their families to make friends have also given birth to seemingly extreme models such as "Dating Corner in the Park" and "Speed Dating".
"But many young people don't want marriage and love to be so 'naked', especially when they don't have the idea of starting a family as soon as possible, they prefer 'slow water'." Chi Yukai observed that some young people are willing to go through companies, school groups or some associations Organizing hobby activities to meet friends and the opposite sex, these activities are not so utilitarian, and you can also meet people who have common hobbies or like-minded people in the activities.
Create a flexible dating scene for young people
Although he doesn't want to go on a blind date yet, Chen Yulong is not completely against the "fast track" of blind date.
"If I am of marriageable age, but I am still single, I will also consider getting to know some people outside the circle quickly through blind dates." He is optimistic about some "emerging blind date methods" at the moment.
"I think 'script kills a blind date' is very interesting. In this process, both parties can quickly get acquainted with each other, and through the opportunity for dialogue through the plot, they can also observe the real emotional expression and potential behavior logic of many people."
During that mountaineering activity, Liang Xiaohua noticed that some boys and girls were very close. Although she didn't know what to do next, she felt that the atmosphere of the activity was really friendly to making friends, "It's easy to see the characteristics of each person in the interactive activities, Moreover, it is a unit organization, and the identity of the participants will make people more reassuring." Although he did not make a boyfriend in this event, Liang Xiaohua gained a lot of good friends from all walks of life.
Later, as soon as she had time on weekends, she would have dinner and play ball with friends she met during the event, and spontaneously formed a "mountain climbing, eating, drinking and having fun" group.
However, Liang Xiaohua admitted that not all social activities between units are so popular.
She has friends who participated in the networking activities organized by the company in a large auditorium, allowing many young people to interact with each other, and also organized boys to send flowers to girls.
This was characterized by Liang Xiaohua as "so embarrassed that you can pull out a suite with your toes", "it is possible but not necessary", "some companies and units want to organize single youth networking activities, but still need to consider the preferences of young people, young people rush for good activities. To sign up." Liang Xiaohua said.
Chi Yukai believes that young people have normal and reasonable needs whether they want to meet directly on a blind date, or to meet the opposite sex through friendship and daily social interaction.
"Nowadays, some young people have no time to find boyfriends and girlfriends and cannot meet the opposite sex because of their lack of spare time and a narrow social circle. On the one hand, the society requires young people to decompress and ensure sufficient personal life time and space. On the other hand, how to Flexibly creating a friendship model recognized by young people also poses challenges to social units and institutions." Chi Yukai said that different young people prefer different friendship models, and social units and social institutions should strive to provide them with a variety of activities The scene allows young people who have the need for marriage, love and friendship to find their own way to adapt.
It is not that when some young people find it difficult to accept purposeful blind dates, or that ordinary dating activities cannot solve their needs, it is difficult to find other forms of friendship.
Not long ago, Wang Xiao met a girl on the outdoor "Hot Pot Game" of the friend group.
"She sat next to me, and my first impression was that she looked very comfortable. She was very quiet and didn't talk much. We didn't communicate verbally, but I would take the initiative to take care of her in action." After dinner, The girl added Wang Xiao's WeChat, and the first message was: "Thank you for taking care of me today." The two met for the second time at a western restaurant.
"She was wearing a light blue dress and light makeup, and she was not as quiet as when we first met. We had a good conversation, and I hope we have a good result." Wang Xiaoxiao.
(At the request of the interviewee, the youth interviewed in the article are all pseudonyms)
China Youth Daily and China Youth Daily trainee reporter Bi Ruoxu Luo Xi Tan Yali Source: China Youth Daily