Illustration of a couple in love.
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Pixabay
The last few months have been an opportunity for exes to meet again.
Some single people have given in to the temptation to call back their former spouse, a little for ease.
For others, the health crisis has given them time to revisit their past, to ask questions about their love life and to regret having lost an old love.
According to Florence Lautrédou, psychoanalyst and couple therapist, this flashback can only work sustainably if everyone is able to question themselves and not reproduce previous patterns.
This Valentine's Day, they will live it in an intense way, because they have given themselves a second chance.
The last few months have indeed been an opportunity for exes to meet again.
A stroke of fate that they had not really anticipated, largely facilitated by the health crisis.
Because with the confinements and the curfew, cafes and restaurants closed, it is difficult to meet new people.
Of course, there are the dating sites: “But after a few messages, people usually see each other in the street chatting, with a mask that blocks their expressiveness.
And because of the curfew, they can't have dinner together.
The conditions are not ideal for forming a new relationship, ”notes Florence Lautrédou, psychoanalyst and couple's therapist.
Emotional security
The libido and the need for tenderness did not disappear, however, and some single people gave in to the temptation to call their ex back, a little for ease.
“It is emotionally reassuring, especially in this period when all our bearings are disturbed.
Especially since his ex, we met him in the world before the coronavirus, which gives him a dimension of freedom.
And for many, it is better to have a relationship with someone we know, even if he has disappointed us, than to remain alone during this period ”, analyzes Florence Lautrédou.
This is what happened to Marie, who answered our call for witnesses and who reconnected with her ex-husband: "He found pretexts to come to my house and the solitude of confinement helping, I left him little by little come back to me.
At the beginning, it was a matter of discussions of a few minutes, which evolved into an aperitif, then into dinner and more if affinities.
For three months, rare are the evenings that we do not spend together, one at the other's.
Sometimes we dream of moving back together and getting back to family life that we shouldn't have stopped, ”she says.
For Elodie, luck did things well, because she found her ex on a dating site during confinement: “We had not been in contact for three and a half years.
He sent me a message and we spoke again, from time to time and then more and more regularly.
We saw each other several times before getting back together, and even now living together, because we have become inseparable ”.
Revisiting your past with a more conciliatory gaze
These last months have also been an opportunity for many single people to devote themselves more to their inner life, to revisit their past and to ask themselves questions about their love life.
“This period invites introspection and return to basics.
Many people have matured, have questioned themselves and want to invest in a more serious relationship.
Some have understood that they missed their ex and that the breakup had undoubtedly been a mistake, ”observes Florence Lautrédou.
Kevin experienced this saving flashback: “After a difficult separation three years ago with my girlfriend, we each reflected a lot on our own.
We have taken the time to evolve, with different lives and experiences.
The containment finally made us realize we needed to reconnect.
We are happy and are considering taking an apartment.
"
Laurent also felt this taste for the unfinished with his ex-wife: “After seven years of silence, we were able to discuss our separation and thus drive out the old demons in order to move forward.
I am very happy with this new relationship which allows us to appreciate each other again and to see that life without each other was not so interesting ”.
"We have never been so happy and in love"
And this flashback seems to make those who let themselves be burnt high.
Like Estelle, who found her ex twenty years later, by reconnecting with him on Facebook: “After a few messages, we saw each other that same evening.
We kept in touch and over time, we fell in love even more than twenty years ago.
It's been over six months.
We have lots of projects ”.
Same enthusiasm with Antoine: “This period made us want to try our luck again.
Teleworking helps us a lot because it is easier to move around to see each other.
Everything has been going well since then, we have planned to spend the February holidays together, especially for Valentine's Day!
".
And yesterday's disappointment is viewed in a new light: "The period sometimes allows us to consider the other's faults with more leniency, to question the merits of a break-up and to review their romantic demands. », Analyzes Florence Lautrédou.
And the old demons come back
Still, this return to his old loves is sometimes only fleeting.
As Jessica says.
“It happened at the very beginning of the confinement.
We had been separated for two weeks and being confined and away from him worried me even more.
I was still very much in love and wanted to be there if anything happened to her.
We did it again and it lasted until June.
But bad habits were coming back.
So I definitely left this time around.
"
John-Lewis experienced the same disillusionment: “We got closer in August.
We made concessions out of love for our baby.
Then the second confinement arrived, the situation was more and more gloomy and burdensome.
We are separated again.
The old demons have returned ”.
Because for Florence Lautrédou, there is no miracle: “A second chance, it works.
If the couple remains stuck on these old dysfunctions, it does not work.
You have to know how to modernize your relationship and make it evolve in a new context ”.
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Sexuality
Couple
Valentine's Day
Society
Love