"From 40 up do not get your belly wet", the grandmothers sentenced pulling Spanish proverb to remember that prudence should accompany you from now on because the fateful date made you an older man (at a time when life expectancy was much shorter than now).
The Canadian psychoanalyst Elliot Jacques named this stage and coined the term "midlife crisis" to define the awareness in the maturity that time passes, the body changes and the moments of youth are left behind. They will not return. In short, the awareness of mortality itself in Jacques's words.
At the time of our grandparents, when you entered the 40s, if your life had followed the canons, you had already had children, you had been working for many years, your tastes were defined, your group of friends had taken hold and you could leave back that period of your life.
The psychoanalyst, Erik Erikson - who defined the tasks to be carried out at each stage of the life cycle - came to the conclusion that it is up to middle adulthood to reach a good degree of generativity, that is, to deal with leaving your legacy to the next generations and balance work and fun while maintaining an enthusiasm for life that was still to be lived (being stuck meant not being able to see one's contributions and assume a passive and defeatist attitude).
CRISIS OF THE 40 OR THE 50?
Today the term "middle age" is more confusing than in the time of Jacques or Erikson. We find 30-year-olds who continue to live in their parents' house , by choice or because economic precariousness does not give them another chance, women of 40 who face maternity for the first time and couples who are 40 and many are raising small children.
In the labor market, having 45 or 50 years does not necessarily imply security. In the fifties, geriatricians took care of people in their 60s, now the octogenarians are the biggest users of their consultations and if someone dies at 70 we say with some naturalness that "he has died young".
In this way, it is from the age of 50 (and more) when people begin to think about their life path . The crisis is posed with many questions: is this work what I want to do or that occupies the center of my life? Is it my partner who accompanies me in the photo of my future? How do I want my path to be from now on?
As in the adolescent crisis , with its well-known mourning for childhood that is left behind, the crisis of the 40s, which is now that of the 50s, can become the second puberty, that is, at another time of transition in He who decides what will be of our life until old age begins.
IN SEARCH OF LOST SENSATIONS
At this time, some people (it does not have to happen to everyone) are upset and a restlessness that can lead to ruptures of customs, habitats and even family and couple ties trying to find lost sensations again. They can resort to fantasies of omnipotence, idealization and obsessive control characteristic of other eras.
Said in Christian, they begin to dress like youngsters just out of "insti", they assume risky behaviors, they become rebellious, they want to change their lives or just physical so they point to the waiting list of the beauty centers or the gym express .
Divorces usually occur in these situations since the marital union is lived as a prison against the desire to fly. The French call it the 'demon of midi' (the demon of the noon) consisting of the desire to have other relationships, according to the topic, preferably with younger people. It is about living a relationship that restores vigor and restores youth through the new couple .
Not everyone makes the changes of the 50's stage in such an abrupt way, Jung has already suggested that the metamorphosis that occurs in individuals towards the dusk of life - we could now say towards the new dawn or the second time of game of life as Antonio Banderas said - it is full of meanings and possibilities just like the rebirth of the adolescent, although the purposes are different.
ENJOY THEM!
It is time to feel oneself, to recognize, develop and mature as a complete human being. To do this, we must admit the end of past times and welcome the following serenely . And, in addition, with many advantages also:
We care less what others think. The stage of exacerbated narcissism has finally been left behind and we are more owners of ourselves .
We work more the spiritual part . The awareness of the union of body and mind increases interest in all aspects that can promote well-being, including spirituality, far from that sense of immortality of young people.
Self-esteem is more accomplished. Precisely because over the years we have a capacity to see ourselves with more perspective and honesty and, if we are not too critical, we can find the best of ourselves.
Better decisions We must have more reflective capacity and better weigh the imponderables of life. We are better equipped to keep moving forward, if we avoid the attitudes of escape from the changes that age brings.
There is no hurry. Precisely because the perspective of time makes us enjoy more quality than quantity and because we are more aware that moments do not come back and you have to savor them.
Happiness is U-shaped
Drop down
In 2008, economists David and Andrew Oswald published the article 'Does U-shaped well-being in the course of life?' They were based on surveys of individuals of all ages asking them about their satisfaction with life in general. Adjusting for income, marital status and employment they discovered that the level of happiness declared had a soft U-shape starting high in youth, reaching the lowest around 46 and ending high in old age. The pattern was repeated in 72 countries and was similar in men and women. These authors also made a study with chimpanzees where they evaluated their mood and social integration and met the U-shaped pattern again, so there is also a midlife crisis in the apes.
People reach the highest levels of well-being at 20 years and from 50 . Once the work adaptation processes and the empty nest have been overcome, when the children leave home, they begin what may be the best years of life and marriage.
For this, some suggestions are: 1. Take the time to express personality and desires; 2. be aware of the opportunities; 3. the experience will help us; 4. have support; 5. not fear the feeling of vulnerability; 6. Ask for professional help to make the transition.
Isabel Serrano-Rosa is a psychologist and director of EnPositivoSí.
According to the criteria of The Trust Project
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