Fathers really want to, but when it matters, there is doubt about their competences. Then it would be better for the mothers. Many fathers, who take care of their children in everyday life, are confronted with it. At the pediatrician, in the kindergarten or in the partnership.

Three Fathers - A Podcast # 6 - The Prejudices: How Fathers Are Being Discriminated in Everyday Life

  • Subscribe to
    • Apple podcasts
    • Spotify
    • Deezer
    • Google
    • RSS

All podcasts

However, such situations are not immediately clear: "Every day I experience 10 to 20 discrimination A lot of positive discrimination I am praised, what a great father I am," says Björn Süfke, men's therapist and author. "Behind it is the prejudice: If a father can push his child right around in the stroller, then he must be praised."

Süfke also experiences negative discrimination: "In the day care center, I'm not even asked if I can bring new diapers." At the parents 'evening in school, the teacher says:' We write in the protocol that the gym linen must be changed, there are many fathers here today. '"This is not meant to be evil. But in paternity, men too experience it: discrimination.

So far we have - Jonas Leppin, Axel Rahmlow and Markus Dichmann - in the podcast of SPIEGEL ONLINE talked about the roles of the father, the birth, the first weeks, the parental leave and the reconciliation of family and work (here an overview of all episodes). In this issue "The Prejudices: How Fathers Are Being Discriminated in Everyday Life" we look at the stereotypes about men - and the implications.

Is it just a nice compliment when fathers are praised to travel alone with their children? Is it overblowing when a strange woman offers to "take over the child" because it cries?

"Fathers often have a lean foot"

In episode six of Three Fathers - A Podcast , we also meet journalist Martin Benninghoff, who wrote about his "vice-role" in education. He states: "As a non-principal responsible person, I must fight for my place in education."

But Benninghoff also says: "Fathers often walk a slim foot, for example, they jump straight to the terrace with a beer at a party, and the mothers take care of the children inside, and the parenting role is given."

The mothers have a share in it for him. For Benninghoff, they also carry a piece of responsibility: "Even women have more classic attitudes than you think," he says. "Many of those I know have a very strong motherhood, which is sometimes too tight, and they leave no room for the father."

"Many women want the guidelines competence," says men's therapist Süfke. "And that's not something that women can blame, which has been imposed on them for centuries."

There is evidence to support this feeling: according to a robust survey, 45 percent of mothers say their dad may not be as good with the child as they are. Incidentally, 45 percent of all fathers agree with the same. Apparently, men do not dare to talk about this topic themselves.

But how do you get out of this? According to Süfke, more education is needed above all else: "We have to deal with it a lot more." Gender research could help there. Just like the intense questioning of relationships. The new role of the fathers? "We're just starting on it," says Süfke.

Lina Moreno / Photo: Sebastian Schneider

Best father joys: Jonas Leppin, Axel Rahmlow and Markus Dichmann

What is a good father in 2019? Every week, SPIEGEL ONLINE wants to approach this question with "Three Fathers - One Podcast". We talk about expectations of ourselves, about claims of mothers and society. For this we go out, observe in reports fathers, mothers, children or talk to psychologists and midwives.

This podcast is made with the support of podcast label Four Thousand Hertz. 4,000 Hz produces even podcasts - for example, "Do you know?", A child-friendly podcast quiz (Listen to the first season on multi-purpose aircraft, Scharfzahnheuler or Schlauchnasentrampler and find the hidden clues).

How do I subscribe to this podcast?

You will find "Three Fathers - One Podcast" every Tuesday on SPIEGEL ONLINE (just click on the red play button above) and on the well-known podcast platforms.

You can listen to this podcast for free, where and when you want. For example, go to Apple Podcasts and iTunes, Spotify, Soundcloud or Overcast. Subscribe to the podcast by pressing the "Follow" or "Subscribe" button. Do not miss a episode anymore.

For all other podcatchers and podcast apps you will find the podcast's RSS feed here.

You want to tell us something? Have questions? Praise? Or criticism? Then write to drei.vaeter@spiegel.de . Or leave us a podcast review on iTunes!