Tatyana * writes:
Three of my housemates are all my age, from early to mid-twenties, and study, the fifth has been living here since 1997 and is now in her 50s. She works the day over, but as soon as she gets home in the afternoon, she starts to drink and is usually completely gone by 8 pm.
In addition she smokes, meanwhile only in her room, but she often forgets to close the door properly or to open the window. In the meantime, we are even afraid that she is burning the apartment with her cigarettes.
The other roommates including me are all non-smokers, and also according to the lease smoking is prohibited. Nevertheless, the entire apartment stinks when it's there. Before a small renovation, the corridor ceiling was completely black compared to her room.
When she gets drunk, she sometimes runs down the hall and insults us or starts arguing. She often feels assaulted when we point out to her that she does not comply with the plan.
Of course, we are to blame for everything in their lives. In fact, she often appears like a teenager instead of an adult. Earlier roommates have moved out because of her.
Meanwhile, we only feel uncomfortable in the apartment because of her and sometimes even threatened, especially when she screams drunk through the apartment again. Unfortunately, she no longer has any rational thoughts and is completely headless.
From the landlord we unfortunately get no real help, although she already has a warning. Speech works only conditionally and for a short time, and also agreements are not kept. Slowly we are finished with our Latin. How can we proceed? "
* Name changed
Sabine Stiehler answers:
"Dear Tatyana,
You have written that you are not getting any real help from the landlord. You can not accept that: He has to give notice to the woman. Make him realize that you are afraid of the roommate. Tell him you're worried she might set fire to the apartment if she smokes drunk.
It's best to talk to your three other roommates. If you come in the group, you can underline the urgency of your concern. If the landlord is not on site, then go to the property management.
More help from the WG-therapist
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If you are afraid again that your drinking roommate will endanger you, then speak directly with her when she comes home from work and is not yet drunk. Tell her you're worried that a glowing cigarette might remain. For this conversation, add a second roommate.
If your older roommate screams drunk, you better avoid her at that moment. Avoid contact with her, or you might get carried away by something you might regret later. Maybe they could shout at you - that would only escalate the situation. If this roommate wants to talk drunk, tell her you will not talk to her again until she's sober. "