Bullying is a problem that plagues communities around the world. Bullies are defined as people who intimidate others or try to control them to achieve their goals, and they lack fairness or honesty in their dealings and actions.
People generally assume that bullies have low self-esteem, but their behavior is actually a response to "inner shyness" and the sense of shame they feel, due to their lack of self-confidence and abilities.
Although some people who live with shyness have low self-esteem, those who act like bullies tend to have increased self-esteem, ego inflation, and arrogant pride, and attack others to get rid of their shame and implicit shyness, allowing them to remain unaware of their true underlying feelings.
People usually develop different styles of responding to shyness early in life, and at puberty these coping responses become essential personality traits.
Typical coping responses to feeling ashamed are divided into 4 types: attacking others, attacking oneself, avoiding and withdrawing. On the extreme side of the scale, people become narcissistic and deal with the deep shame they feel by constantly attacking others.
Bullying comes in many forms, including what happens in the school or neighborhood, and some of what comes in the workplace, such as bullying a fierce colleague on some colleagues, or bullying managers on their employees.
Another type that is perhaps among the most dangerous, and is often not visible on the surface, is the bullying of employees on their line manager, which takes several forms, such as circulating malicious rumors about him, spreading the idea of his incompetence at work, exaggerating his mistakes, minimizing his achievements, withholding information necessary for the development of work from him, and many other images.
Bullies form groups to undermine the authority of the person in the leadership role (Shutterstock)
Bulliest bullying
A managerial promotion may give you a new title and more money, but it won't protect you from bullying even by your subordinates and the employees you manage. Curiously, this kind of bullying is rarely acknowledged by HR in companies and organizations.
Maureen Cain, an expert on bullying and discrimination in the workplace, has repeatedly experienced cases of "bulliest bullying" throughout her career. "Formal authority could have eroded from the team leader for various reasons, or the offender could have the support of senior management within the company," she says, according to the Australian Institute of Human Resources' HRM platform.
"Bullies can form groups to undermine the authority of the person in the leadership role. This is a really pernicious kind of bullying, as bullies don't care about the development and prosperity of the company, but rather demolish and get rid of their manager instead of building. It's an informal power that the bully has over the person in power."
Leading workplace bullying researcher Sarah Branch has studied cases of upward bullying for more than 20 years and has noticed that this type of bullying is often not recognized by companies and organizations. Therefore, it is not dealt with or scientifically planned to confront and get rid of it.
"One day, a manager at an organization was bullied by a male subordinate, and the organization's senior management assumed that the reason she was being bullied was because the manager was female," she says. So, they moved the manager to another department, and brought in a male manager who they thought would be able to deal with the problem. But, six months later, they found him crying in his office."
It has nothing to do with whether the manager is male or female, or whether he is competent at his job or not, but it has to do with the personality of the bully himself, and the ulterior motives that drive him.
Perhaps the most important question that should be asked is: how to deal with this form of bullying, and how can you as a manager confront it in light of the lack of attention of the majority of companies and institutions to it, which throws the burden on you as a manager to deal with it.
How do you deal as a manager with bullies?
Many cases of bulliest occur from co-workers towards one of them who has been promoted to become their manager. Here, new factors come in, such as envy and jealousy of employees towards their colleague who has become their immediate boss.
It's not easy to become the manager of employees you've been in the same job grade, as it often causes "friction" after the power dynamic changes. This can be difficult for anyone, not just you.
Therefore, if you are being bullied by your subordinates, we recommend that you take the following steps provided by the Harvard Business Review (HBR):
Have a one-on-one meeting with the bullying employee (or bully) to inquire about the problem, and tell them directly: "I know that since I became your line manager there has been a shift in the way we work. But in the past, we were colleagues who were very cooperative with each other, and our relationship was constructive and productive, and I look forward to continuing with us."
Then ask him clearly how he feels about the new change, and offer to help you, "and what can I do to support you better?" If the employee denies the problem and refuses to work toward a solution, know it's time for decisive action on your part.
Have a one-on-one meeting with the bullying employee (or bullying employees) to inquire about the problem (Shutterstock)
Document everything that goes on between you and the bully, including emails exchanged between you, phone conversations, and direct messages, and specify the dates and times when all of these things happened. This will help you keep the bully accountable, and give you evidence of your bullying cases to submit to management in a timely manner.
If it's too much or too much for you to bear, talk to your line manager or HR at your organization, and present the evidence you've gathered from documented examples of what happened, when, and how, providing as much detail as possible. The bully may try to play the victim or cover up his tracks, but you will make his behavior officially recorded and documented.
Finally, take care of your mental health when it gets stressful, remind yourself that your work life isn't everything, and try to engage in relationships and activities that bring you happiness outside of the workplace.
If the situation continues to deteriorate, then you have to make the choice that the administration supports this bully or other "bullies." And here, consider looking for a new opportunity, there is no job worthy of your health.