CCTV News (Reporter/Yao Shuting): Under the topic "Have you ever been bullied at school?", some netizens took the initiative to reveal the scars in their childhood memories. In thousands of comments and replies, they were isolated, The experience of being ostracized and beaten is shocking, but this is just the tip of the iceberg of campus bullying.
Relevant data from 144 countries released by UNESCO in 2019 show that among students around the world, on average, 1 in 3 has experienced school bullying.
School bullying happens “for no reason”
"I started being bullied in the second grade of junior high school, when I was about 13 or 14 years old. Once after school, I just walked a few steps outside the school, and I was covered by a school uniform. I didn't say why, and several people took turns hitting me on the head. , they were all the 'little bullies' in school." 30-year-old Wu Hui recalled that this was a scene she could not forget to this day.
Wang Kui, associate researcher and second-level psychological counselor at the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences, believes that minors may use bullying to improve or confirm their "social status." There are also some bullies who choose "social status" because they are afraid of being excluded and bullied. Follow the trend”.
"Later, my good friend also started to bully me coldly. She tore up the painting I gave her and threw it into the milk tea, and then spilled the milk tea into my drawer." Wu Hui couldn't figure out why her good friend also wanted to Do this.
"I don't think there is any origin. Maybe it's because I'm new here. The initiator thinks it's fun and likes to conquer and bully others." Cheng Wei once experienced campus bullying in fourth grade. After self-study every night, he returned to the dormitory with the same dormitory. All the female classmates asked her to take off her clothes, and once a boy suddenly broke into the dormitory and witnessed all this. Cheng Wei deeply felt the feeling of being humiliated.
Sun Jinlu, an assistant professor at the School of Humanities and Social Sciences (Public Administration) of Beihang University, concluded through long-term research that the psychological needs of underage bullies can be divided into five types: intentional play type, attention-grabbing type, pressure-releasing type, and peer belonging type. , and the property-acquisition type, they usually develop a sense of deprivation and control over others during the bullying process.
The bullied who grew up: "The body is out of danger, but the psychology is still inflamed"
Wang Kui introduced that the impact of campus bullying on the bullied will not end when the bullying ends, and will most likely be lifelong.
Ever since she experienced campus bullying, Wu Hui has become very sensitive to everyone and everything. She is afraid that she will say the wrong thing. Even if some things have nothing to do with her, she will fall into internal friction and self-blame first. She is timid in doing things and extremely insecure. feel. While in college, she realized she was suffering from depression. After constant self-regulation, Wu Hui gradually relieved her depression. Exercise and interests made her spiritual world richer. However, until now, whenever she sees news incidents about campus bullying, she still gets very angry and even wants to cry.
Campus bullying is like broken glass to the victim's psychology. Once it occurs, it is difficult to recover. In the cases that Sun Jinlu came into contact with before, minors who were bullied generally left psychological trauma, and their self-evaluation system was damaged, which seriously affected personal happiness and improvement of quality of life. In addition, there were some serious consequences. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Cheng Wei used to be an outgoing and cheerful girl in everyone's eyes. "Since then, I have been very introverted. It's just that I pretend that nothing happened in front of my family, but when I talk to friends and teachers, I actually don't realize it." The ground was shaking, and only I knew how nervous I was." When she was in college, Cheng Wei had thoughts of suicide, but she gave up the idea in time, "What doesn't kill me will eventually make me stronger."
Sun Jinlu said that campus bullying incidents may cause some stress reactions to the victims, and these reactions will also be generalized to all aspects of life, causing them to encounter some difficulties in establishing and maintaining interpersonal relationships, such as social avoidance or Tensions in relationships with peers, etc. She suggested that victims seek treatment from a professional psychological counseling team and improve their mental state through behavioral training.
"If I had to choose again, I wouldn't tell my parents or teachers."
"I don't like to make things big, and I don't think anyone can stand by my side. Even if I tell them, it will be of no use. Instead, it will make those who bully me worse." Even if I reply to Wu Hui again, When given the chance, she still refused to tell her parents about being bullied.
After Wu Hui was bullied by her classmates, the first person she told was her older brother, who hired several taller classmates to escort her to and from school. This indeed "scared off" some classmates who wanted to bully her outside school, but inside school The bullying that occurred continues…
"Bear it alone" is the choice of almost every victim of campus bullying. Why would a minor choose to face this kind of pressure alone?
Sun Jinlu's survey found that 78.7% of students believed that teacher intervention could not fundamentally solve the problem and would even lead to intensified retaliation. Once a child who is bullied has a strong sense of shame, and when he is unable to face this emotion and cannot find help from others, he will choose to hide it all silently in his heart.
"I was embarrassed to tell my parents at the time. I felt really embarrassed. I wanted to solve this problem myself, but I couldn't, so I kept enduring it until I finally succeeded in changing dormitories. This matter was on me It’s over.” Cheng Wei said. However, the bullying of the roommates was transferred to the next girl who moved in as Cheng Wei left.
Endless campus bullying has broken down the wall of trust of those being bullied. It’s not that they don’t want to ask for help, they are just coping with it all in the way they think is right.
Sun Jinlu analyzed that children who are easily bullied usually lack support and trust in social relationships and family relationships. Moreover, there is an unwritten "rule" among minors: what happens between them must be resolved between them. If told to adults such as parents and teachers, it will be considered a betrayal and informing.
"Child, it's not your fault"
According to Wang Kui's observation, those who are bullied are often disadvantaged in some aspects, such as being unsocial, weak in body, too fat, and have low self-esteem. They know that they have these "weaknesses", which may lead them to mistakenly judge themselves from themselves. Find the reason in yourself.
"Bullying often occurs more covertly, but there are still some behaviors and phenomena that can provide clues to attentive parents and teachers." Wang Kui sorted out some common characteristics of bullied people: low mood; unexplained scars on the body; Clothes or belongings are always lost; sleep suddenly becomes bad, and you may even be awakened by nightmares at night; inability to concentrate; sudden decline in academic performance; finding various reasons not to go to school; sudden unwillingness to contact previous friends and avoiding social interactions; There's no use blaming yourself; wait. If you find that your child has the above characteristics, you should understand the situation in time and actively establish communication with your child.
So, how to communicate with children correctly? Wang Kui suggested that when adults deal with children being bullied, they need to give the bullied person 100% confidence that it is not his fault that he is being bullied, but the fault lies with the bully. Especially avoid saying "If you..., how could they bully you?" Don't blame the child for not telling you before, and don't blame the child for not having the courage to resist. Such language itself lacks empathy and implies that the bullied child needs Take responsibility for bullying.
“Parents should establish an open communication environment so that children can talk freely and relaxedly with their families when they encounter problems, guide children to understand the essence of bullying on campus, encourage them to stand up bravely when they encounter bullying, and ensure that parents can Give them enough support." Sun Jinlu suggested.
In addition, if you want to try to fight back bravely, you also need to have a certain foundation, such as having a strong body and learning some methods to protect yourself. Sun Jinlu reminded that if you have been bullied, you can try to collect evidence. Once you think there is no way to deal with it on campus, you can consider protecting yourself through legal means.
Bullies are often also “victims”
School bullying not only has a negative impact on the victim, but also has a huge negative impact on the development of the bully.
"Parents must not be happy because their child is a bully, thinking that he will not suffer in the future." Sun Jinlu mentioned that violence is a process of continuous accumulation and enhancement. If the best time for correction is missed, bullies will enter society in the future. This may result in more serious bullying, or even criminal offences.
Wang Kui said bullies are more likely to drink alcohol as adults and are more likely to get involved in fights. As early as the 1970s, Norwegian scholar Dan Olweus’s tracking research on Swedish children and adolescents showed that bullies had higher crime rates as adults. About 60% of bullies had at least one crime before the age of 24. One criminal experience; 35%-40% of bullies have had three or more criminal experiences before the age of 24. It can be seen that the behavioral and psychological correction of bullies is even more important.
For students who participate in campus bullying, families, schools, and even society must provide timely corrections. Through continuous education, minors should be cultivated to be tolerant, kind, and respectful of others, and build a healthy campus culture and environment.
School is the first front, but not the only front
Schools must be the most important link in stopping bullying on campus. Sun Jinlu believes that schools should formulate a clear anti-bullying policy, clarify how the school will deal with bullying incidents, and ensure that students, parents and all staff are aware of it, so that everyone can stand up and stop it. For campus bullying incidents that have already occurred, schools can provide some support services, allowing counselors or professional psychological counselors to help victims of campus bullying heal their psychological trauma.
Preventing and controlling campus bullying is a very complex task that requires the cooperation and efforts of minors, parents, schools, society and other aspects to jointly protect the physical and mental health of minors.
(CCTV.com requested pseudonyms in this article at the request of the interviewees)