Most couples are "ashamed" of resorting to it
Women .. the most requested family counselor in "marital disputes"
Dissenting spouses turn to a family counselor when they want to perpetuate marital life.
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Family counseling helps the couple to restore their relationship, which has been subjected to violent shocks, by providing advice to both parties that paves the way for them to overcome their crisis and be free from its causes, whether they are psychological, social or financial pressures.
While wives express confidence in the family counselor’s ability to resolve marital disputes, many men still view it as an admission of defeat or failure, or a loss of control, and are ashamed to resort to it. Most of those who answered a question expressed the possibility of resorting to a family counselor to resolve Their marital differences, strictly prohibited.
On the other hand, two family counselors stressed the necessity of thinking about family counseling as a possible opportunity to overcome a complex.
They said that family counseling eliminates any negative situations in their infancy through resolving conflicts and a problem-solving approach to the situation, revealing that they receive cases in the courtship stage that suffer from deep differences.. that puts both sides of the relationship at a crossroads.
In detail, “Khadija” has long suffered from her husband’s financial stinginess with her and their children, despite him being well off financially, at a time when she had to answer his constant questions to her about what he considered exaggerated spending, or a waste of money, on small things, or trivial.
She said that the differences escalated between them recently, until they reached the limits of separation, as she decided to ask for a divorce from him.
However, the family counselor, to whom she and her husband had to explain their problem before reaching the court, restored calm to their lives, after he persuaded them to agree to set a minimum weekly expenses that both parties would abide by.
The marital life of "Yasmine" witnessed a violent shock, as a result of her husband's constant control over family choices.
She said that resorting to the family counselor was the last decision for her to find a solution, expressing her happiness that the decision was correct, as the counselor was able to explain many details to the husband and wife, which helped them overcome their crisis.
Many people strongly rejected the idea of resorting to a "family counselor", considering this as evidence of a weak personality and a loss of wisdom.
They said that "disagreements within the home are normal," and they are "part of marital life," noting that their existence does not justify introducing strangers into their personal lives, and informing them of their details.
On the other hand, the head of the Social Support Department in the General Department of Human Rights, Dubai Police, Fatima Saeed Al-Kindi, stressed the importance of the spouses resorting to a family counselor in the event of a dispute between them.
She added, "The couple turn to the family counselor, as a neutral person, as a result of their inability to communicate, and because he is qualified to know the deep causes of the problem."
And she stressed the need for him to be “clear and honest with both parties, and to respect and accept the mistake of either of them, and accept either of them as they are and not as they should be, so as not to give one of the parties to the problem the opportunity to exploit the mistake of the other and remind him of it in the future, which causes problems to arise again.” ».
She said that he should be keen to know the problems of the two parties, each separately, before bringing them together to discuss a solution.
Al-Kindi stated that "the husband and wife contribute in one way or another to the problem. The weaker person gives the other the opportunity to persist in creating problems because of his negativity."
She pointed out that resorting to a counselor specialized in family issues achieves multiple advantages, the first of which is that he is a specialized person and can read the details of the problem, its causes, symptoms and the matters that led to it, and the second is that he enjoys impartiality, and then he is fair between the two parties, and this is not available to parents in most cases, because of the tendency The third is the ability of the family counselor to study and diagnose the problem correctly, and not to read its external symptoms, as the problem may be deep, but the dispute arises for a simple reason, so the problem appears simple in appearance, but it is large because of previous deposits, and the fourth is that the family counselor can measure on cases It is similar, and to benefit from it in solving the current problem based on his experience, except that “every problem has its own specificity, as it is considered like a person’s fingerprint.”
Al-Kindi stated that the spouses resort to the family counselor when there is no dialogue, and there is no communication and silence prevails between them, as a result of reasons beyond their will or the will of one of them, or intended, explaining that silence prevails for a reason beyond the control of the spouses because they do not enjoy a method of successful dialogue, such as patience and listening. It is good not to interrupt and not to escalate when problems arise, just as there is silence when one of them is very urgent in exchange for someone who is not interested, because the desire for a solution is one-sided, and as a result they need a specialist to solve their problem.
She stressed that women are more able than men to seek help to solve the family problem, because the emotion affects them clearly, in addition to the fact that the man does not want anyone to know about his life matters, or he may have doubts about the choice of the family counselor by the wife, especially if he The counselor is a woman, for fear of her inclination with the wife at his expense, noting that the recent period is witnessing a state of awareness among young people to accept the idea of resorting to a family counsellor.
For her part, the family counselor, Dr. Hayam Abu Mishaal, said that “family sessions to resolve marital disputes are not limited to the spouses, but rather include the entire family, with the aim of creating an atmosphere of affection,” stressing the need for the family counselor to have a number of characteristics, the most important of which is that He should be an academic specialist, have experience that qualifies him to solve problems, he should have great patience with both sides of the problem, and he should be ready to follow up on the situation after the sessions.
She said that the different spouses resort to the family counselor when they want to perpetuate marital life, and the presence of children who fear that they will be affected by their differences, stressing that family disputes have increased now more than before, because marriage in most cases takes place far from the correct foundations, the most important of which is the parity of the spouses, and the absence of differences multiple between them.
She stated that "resorting to a family counselor when a dispute arises is better than resorting to a family member, because he is neutral, not affected by either party, and gives solutions on correct and scientific grounds."
Abu Mishaal pointed out that "most husbands are not convinced of the role of the family counselor, and do not want others to know the secrets of their homes."
And she continued that 70% of the cases in which the wives take the initiative to resort to the family counsellor, adding that the success rate of the family counselor in resolving family problems reaches 80%, based on the desire of both parties for a solution.
Also, the highest percentage of cases that refer to a family counselor are those who have children and want to preserve the continuity of the family entity.
She said, "We have recently noticed the multiplicity of cases of engaged couples who resort to the center for advice about whether or not the relationship will continue."
Virtual advisor
The Ministry of Justice has provided the "Virtual Family Counselor" program, which can answer questions and inquiries related to personal status, alimony, custody, vision, and others.
Family counseling services are also available free of charge through seven official government channels at the state level, in support of the stability of families and society and the consolidation of marital relations in society.
The family counselor must know the problems of the two parties, each separately, before bringing them together to discuss solutions.
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