How do you deal with a partner who lives the victim? Is there a solution to the problem?

In some cases, the victim mentality of one of the spouses may lead to divorce (Pixels)

Marital relationships go through many natural challenges, which the spouses usually work to overcome together.

But living with a partner who has a victim mentality is one of the difficult challenges that causes the collapse of many relationships.

Psychologist Dr. Salam Ashour defines victim mentality as “a pattern of thinking in which a person sees himself as a victim of circumstances or the behavior of others, without bearing any responsibility for his experiences.”

In the context of marital relationships, this mentality can manifest itself in several ways, such as:

• A constant feeling of injustice:

  He feels that he is being wronged by his partner, whether through neglect, abuse, or lack of appreciation.

• Constant blame:

  He tends to blame his partner for all marital problems without acknowledging any role he has in them.

• Feeling helpless:

  He feels that he has no control over his marital life, and that everything is beyond his control.

• Surrender:

  He gives in to the situation and believes that he cannot change anything, which may lead to feelings of despair and depression.

Salam Ashour: If a person finds it difficult to overcome the victim mentality on his own, he should seek specialist help (Al Jazeera)

Victim mentality causes marital problems

Specialist Ashour explains that the victim mentality may cause many problems that affect marriage, such as:

• Feeling resentment and anger:

  A constant feeling of injustice and blame can lead to the accumulation of feelings of resentment and anger, which may threaten the stability of the relationship.

• Loss of confidence:

  A person may lose confidence in himself and his partner, making it difficult for him to express his feelings and needs.

• Emotional distancing:

  Feelings of injustice and anger may be reflected in the emotional relationship between spouses, leading to emotional distance and separation.

• Divorce:

  In some cases, a victim mentality may lead to divorce, especially if it is not addressed appropriately.

How do they play the “victim role”?

For her part, family counselor Dr. Amal Burshak says that some couples sometimes play the “victim role” because “they see it as a way to achieve what they want at the expense of others. These types of people usually lack the ability to bear responsibility, and tend to stay in comfort zones, because of The compassion shown by those around them.”

Victim mentality is a pattern of thinking in which a person sees themselves as a victim of circumstances or the behavior of others (Pixels)

Burshak explains to Al Jazeera Net, “Whoever plays the role of the victim remains trapped in his comfort zone, without trying to make any effort, and does not bear the consequences of any decision. Rather, he blames those around him, and complains a lot about what he suffers. So if you make sure that he is skilled at playing the role “The victim, you are dealing with someone who is overcome by feelings of unhappiness, or who is suffering from the onset of depression or psychological disorder.”

This style of thinking affects marital relationships and children, “so you should avoid sympathizing with those with a victim mentality or holding yourself responsible for what they feel. Restrain your strong desire to give him advice and solutions. Tell him: Why do you repeat and repeat what you are going through so often, and accuse me of not being able to Is it resolved?

The family counselor says that dealing with him in this way “makes him tired of his frequent talk and repetitive complaints. Try to humorously denounce and be surprised at describing his tragic situation in a funny, joking manner without mockery. He is trying to attract attention and absorb your energy by blaming the government, children, or others. Being with someone “Complaining a lot” is psychologically stressful and costly to the other partner, morally and physically.

She added, "The person with the victim mentality reflects his unhappiness on his partner and children, and they are not at all happy with their presence by his side, due to his great dissatisfaction, anger, and dissatisfaction. He does not appreciate the efforts of others, and does not make any effort to make his relationship with them successful. Rather, he demands from the other party more than his capabilities."

Amal Burshak: The “victim” often complains about what he suffers without bearing the consequences of making any decision (Al Jazeera)

How to overcome victim mentality?

Ashour offers some tips to overcome the victim mentality:

• Self-awareness:

  The first step to overcoming victim mentality is for a person to become aware of his feelings, thoughts, and behavior.

• Taking responsibility:

  A person must take responsibility for his feelings, thoughts, and behavior, and stop blaming his partner for everything.

• Effective communication:

  The partner must learn how to communicate with his partner effectively, and express his feelings and needs clearly.

• Empathy:

  A person must try to understand his partner's point of view and feelings, and show empathy for him.

• Seek help: 

  If the partner finds it difficult to overcome the victim mentality on his own, he can seek help from a professional therapist or marriage counselor.

People with a victim mentality tend to blame their partner for all marital problems (Pixels)

Important steps

The Healthy Marriage website proposed several steps that can be taken when a partner adopts a victim mentality, and it has a negative impact on the marriage, including:

• Allow your partner to express his opinions:

  If your husband feels like a victim, interrupting or talking to him will only make the situation worse, so it is essential that you allow him to speak without interrupting, often with the help of a counselor.

• Rephrase what they say:

  The victim often feels unheard, so it may be a good idea to rephrase what they said.

• Stay calm:

  It can be difficult to discuss some things with someone who has a victim mentality, because they do not usually take responsibility for their actions.

  If you can remain calm and objective, both of you are likely to make some progress.

Source: Al Jazeera + websites