After 1995, refused to be kidnapped by the "hidden rules" of the lottery
Sino-Singapore Jingwei Client, October 7 (Fu Yumei, Zhao Jiaran) "Do you want a wedding gift?" "How much?" The thought of facing these problems makes Jiayi, a post-95 girl, a headache.
This National Day, she will also attend a wedding in her hometown in Guangdong. She can expect that relatives at the dinner table will surround her to ask about "lifetime events", and then popularize a series of wedding customs in her hometown.
The post-95 marriage army has begun to face the "soul torture" about the bride price.
Wu Xiaomiao, who had just obtained the certificate with her boyfriend in August, told the China-Singapore Jingwei reporter that she believes that the bride price is a symbol of the importance of the other's family to her and is still an indispensable part of the marriage.
However, Jiayi believes that the existence of the bride price is likely to become a hidden danger for future conflicts between the two parties.
Regarding the meaning of the bride price, what answer will this post-95s give?
The troubles of the bride price
The wedding is approaching, and the worries of the bride price fall on the 1995 boy Wang Le.
Wang Le comes from a second-tier city in Henan. He confessed that since there are more single men than women, when discussing marriage, whether or not to give the gift, the amount of the gift, and other matters are mostly determined by the woman.
"When we get married here, the man needs to bear the cost of the house, car and wedding, and the bride price is an additional expense, mostly to the woman's parents. In recent years, the'average price' of the bride price has been rising, although the specific amount depends on personal circumstances. , But you can still feel the changes. For example, if you needed 50,000 yuan three years ago, you need 60,000 to 70,000 yuan now." Wang Le said.
Wang Le said that in addition to this, there is an unwritten agreement, that is, the bride price is roughly proportional to the age of the bridegroom, and it costs less for young people to get married.
"This is also the reason why we were urged to marry." Wang Le said dubiously.
Although the bride price takes more family factors into consideration, communication is a matter between young people.
When discussing the bride price, Wang Le and his fiancée had a big disagreement due to different concepts.
"I think the bride price is just an idea, but the fiancee believes that the amount is directly linked to sincerity, and it is also related to face." Fortunately, the two parties agreed to make concessions and each bear part of the marriage expenses, which resolved the storm.
Wang Le said that perhaps the biggest advantage of his family is the only child.
Judging from the situation around oneself, if there are two children in a family, then the brother or sister will most likely be urged to marry early.
"If I still have a younger brother, I would have to rush to get married when I was about 20 years old. My parents would hope to settle my gift as soon as possible and start saving money for the gift."
As for Zhao Ke, although he has held up the pressure of being urged to marry, he has also refreshed his understanding of the bride price.
Two years ago, Zhao Ke's younger brother got married in his hometown in Henan. The price of the bride price given by the matchmaker was 110,000 yuan, which has the meaning of "one in ten thousand", and this figure is not a small burden for the Zhao Ke family.
Zhao Ke's younger brother told the China-Singapore Jingwei reporter that the rules of the bride price are local customs and marriage in his hometown cannot be spared.
The matchmaker and his parents handled the whole process, and he didn't ask too much.
After watching the whole process, Zhao Ke felt a little unhappy.
In her opinion, her brother and sister-in-law are still young, and the decision to get married is mainly based on the arrangements of their parents, and the concept of money is not mature enough.
In the use of such a large gift, the two will inevitably have some friction and quarrel.
In addition, in addition to the bride price, the entire pre-marriage expenses include hidden expenses such as preparing the "three golds", banqueting with relatives and friends, and purchasing materials, which actually cost about 300,000 yuan.
Is the role of the bride price really so?
Why not spend it on the blade, but use it for a ceremony?
Who is responsible for the bride price?
Under these questions, Zhao Ke even had a sense of "resistance" towards the lottery.
"Seeing what happened to my younger brother, I think it's okay that I'm not married now, and I can think about my views on the bride price." she said.
"The game between the two families"
Many interviewees said that parents play an important role in the issue of bride price.
Wu Xiaomiao, born in 1997 from Xiamen, Fujian, received a marriage certificate with her boyfriend one year after graduating from university. He is expected to have a wedding in December this year. "I didn't expect to join the post-95 marriage army."
When dating, Wu Xiaomiao negotiated with her boyfriend about the bride price.
"The'average price' of our Xiamen Xiang'an piece is between 100,000 and 200,000 yuan. When my two sisters got married, they used the custom of 128,000 yuan and an additional 30,000 yuan. Fei'. I also decided in accordance with the rules of my sisters, the total is 158,000 yuan." She said.
The boyfriend is from Jining, Shandong, and the customs of the two families are different.
"The custom over there is that the bride price is less than 100,000 yuan, but if the woman wants to marry a car worth 200,000 yuan, it will give more dowry and give her daughter face and confidence. And in Xiamen, it is how much the bride price has. Then equal the amount as dowry."
After the discussion, the husband's family stated to Wu Xiaomiao that everything should follow Xiamen's customs.
The husband’s mother also told her: “You are priceless. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend on marrying a good daughter-in-law for your son.” At the same time, his parents are also very tolerant of the bride price. They think that if the husband’s family is in difficulties, the bride price can also be used. No.
The transparency of both parents moved Wu Xiaomiao.
"If parents want the new couple to live a happy life, don't'bury thunder' on the bride price. If both parties really bargain the bride price, it will be a knot after marriage."
New Jingwei Zhang Yanzheng in the data map
"The bride price is actually a game between the two families." Jiayi, who was also in 1997, also expressed such emotion.
She grew up in a small county in Guangdong, and has always lived in a clan culture that promotes etiquette.
Therefore, since she had the idea of "don't give gifts to reduce conflicts", she also worried about not getting the approval of both parents.
After graduating and working in Beijing, Zhao Ke slowly understood the meaning of the bride price from the experience of the people around him. “For women, it may be a guarantee before marriage. In reality, it may also be a guarantee for two people in the future. Investment in life."
As for whether he needs a betrothal gift, Zhao Ke still believes that he does not value it.
"I pay more attention to whether the other half is like-minded people. I will conflict with my parents in the future. This matter should be inevitable. There is no way to avoid the conflict. I think about how to resolve this conflict. Make money." Zhao Ke also said jokingly, "I'm also very thankful. Relatively speaking, my parents have reached an age beyond me."
Who will "untie" the bride price?
On the Weibo platform, there are hundreds of millions of readers on topics related to "beauties" such as "Is it necessary to get married?" and "Should I give up marriage because of the beauties".
Wu Xiaomiao feels that in fact, many girls don't really think about how many gifts a man can give, and the attitude and handling of the gifts are used to confirm whether they are valued.
In fact, there are different standards for the amount of the bride price.
The reason for being overshadowed by the "sky price" may be related to the amount of hundreds of thousands in some areas and the disputes caused by it.
After entering the keyword "beautiful gift" on the search platform, news such as "netizens were overwhelmed by XX Wancai gift", "going to court due to bride price after divorce" and other news emerged endlessly.
Recently, a netizen on Baidu Tieba said that because he couldn't afford the 500,000 gift, the family sold the only house to make money. The younger sister said "Brother, our family is rich", which became popular online.
Subsequently, the netizen said that the above content was not true, but the discussion about the bride price triggered by this post was still going on.
Tieba chat screenshot uploaded by netizens "almost got it"
A total of 1,606 people participated in the poll on "How much do you think the wedding gift is appropriate?" initiated by Zhongxin Jingwei Weibo.
Among them, about one-third of the netizens chose "50,000-100,000" as the highest option; the second was "It's hard to say, the two sides negotiated"; 124 people also chose "no betrothal".
In recent years, with the frequent occurrence of "high-priced gifts", relevant departments have issued opinions several times to curb the spread of these phenomena.
In May 2020, the Ministry of Civil Affairs issued the "Guiding Opinions on Carrying out the Pilot Work on Marriage Customs Reform", stating that it will carry out rectification of unhealthy practices such as high-priced gifts, extravagance and waste; in October 2019, the Central Rural Work Leading Group Office, etc. 11 The departments jointly issued the "Guiding Opinions on Further Promoting the Transition of Customs and Building a Civilized Countryside", and also emphasized the resistance to sky-high price gifts.
Local initiatives and regulations for the bride price have also been issued one after another.
Recently, a marriage reform proposal issued by Yishui County, Linyi City, Shandong Province stated that the bride price should be no or less, and the bride price should be controlled within 10,000; the wedding car should not exceed 6; the wedding banquet can only invite immediate family members, and the scale is not large. For more than 10 tables, it is recommended not to exceed 200 yuan etc.
There is a view that the "high limit" of the elementary money and the limited scale of treats undermine the freedom of the people to do wedding events.
The local government of Yishui responded that the content of the advocacy was in line with the local villagers' habit of holding wedding events and was recognized by the villagers. This proposal is not mandatory.
Earlier, Qinghai Haidong City implemented the "Regulations on the Promotion of Customs and Customs in Haidong City" in July to curb high-priced beauties, and stipulated that residents in Haidong City should not receive beauties or only receive courtesy beauties when they get married; at the end of 2019, Handan City, Hebei The "New Rules of Red and White Matters" in Yuanqu Village of Shexian County became popular, including the total price of wedding gifts and shopping for villagers not exceeding 80,000 yuan, no more than 100 people sitting in relatives, and less than 10 yuan for smoking.
The key to the implementation of the new rules of bride price lies in people.
Reasonable control of the amount of the bride price and the use of the bride price in the future lives of two people have become practices that most interviewees believe should be promoted.
"I declared at the time that no matter how much the gift, my parents would not ask for a penny. They would give me the money as private money after marriage, but I would take it out to repay the mortgage. I have always given it to my man. My friends have said countless times that the bride price is just a formality, we will not ask too much." Wu Xiaomiao said.
(Zhongxin Jingwei APP)
(All interviewees in this article are pseudonyms.)
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