REBECA YANKE
@RebecaYanke
Madrid
Updated on Sunday, 8august2021-01: 02
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Female orgasm The phenomenon that has been studied for decades and is still not understood
Manual to understand a clitoris The great enigma of the female body
De facto, it doesn't really take up that much time in our lives. Another very different thing is the space it occupies in our thinking. The orgasm is linked to the human being since it exists and, although in 2021 it seems that every barrier has already been overcome and that sexual freedom is at its best, the truth is that the numbers continue to say otherwise. Tomorrow is the International Day of Female Orgasm and surveys indicate that "60% of Spanish women admit to having faked their climaxes." Some, it is understood.
The date has been celebrated for more than a decade because in a Brazilian town,
Esperantina
, they already found it alarming then that 28% of their women admitted not reaching it, and they decided to make it a matter of public health. To this day, however,
4 out of 10 Spanish women admit that they are not very clear about what an orgasm is
(they confess not to identify it, according to the erotic products firm Lelo) and "60% have difficulties to achieve it" (according to the specialized brand in Sexual Health Control). The question is almost obvious: What is happening?
"
We have gone from such a brutal repression to such a brutal hypersexualization that there are new pressures and fears
. We have improved a lot in terms of sexual freedom but now we are obsessed with orgasm," sums up sexologist
Valerie Tasso
, also Lelo's ambassador in Spain and member of the
State Association of Professionals of Sexology
(AEPS). Professionals speak of an "orgasm industry" that has been inoculated "through social networks" and even mention a certain "search for the supreme orgasm". The
newest
for health and wellness.
"Orgasm by prescription: 'Auntie, you have to come, it leaves your skin great'. 'Orgasms induce sleep, they are my best anxiolytic'. 'I have been told by an expert that having orgasms improves the pelvic muscles'". With these phrases
Diana Fdez. Saro
, sexologist and professor of Sexual and Couple Therapy at the
Autonomous University of Madrid
(UAM),
summarizes
the current situation. August 2021: is orgasming overrated?
"All of the above is true but ... how to have orgasms without having desire? With the help of some stimulus? It could be ... and if the human sexual response works, there you have it, but what about the perception of satisfaction? Is that what fills us, satisfies us, fills us? ", Fdez Saro deepens. This professional believes that
"with orgasm we lie, we say what we think is more widely accepted
, that we cum a thousand times, that we have vaginal orgasms, that we have bought the latest gadget that was advertised by our
favorite
youtuber
or our
favorite
instagramer
, who we recommend to everyone, who had never had an orgasm like this,
blablabla
... "
Meanwhile, alone, there are those who wonder "if you have a problem for not having orgasms easily and feel ashamed because everyone proclaims theirs as if they were achievements on their LinkedIn." "As if that makes you better, more valuable or more valid and no, it is not like that, all bodies have the capacity for pleasure, you just have to listen to it, but
perhaps we have gone from sacralizing orgasm to sacrificing it
."
"Now women are expected to be goddesses of sex," says Tasso. And he denies the way in which we have become accustomed to living our pleasure, "stating that we are going to have it or telling how it was on social networks, like someone who does not stop posting photos of the
Maldives
while they are in them, instead of turning off the mobile and enjoy them ". Spanish sexologists do not seem to believe that we really live our sexuality freely. And there are even those who, like
Nayara Malnero
, spokesperson for Control, deny the greatest: "We do not experience a sexual openness."
"Another thing is that we have sexual overstimulation, and that everything is sexualized to commercialize.
Of course we have become obsessed with the search for orgasm, because the alleged openness is only to talk about sex constantly
and use it as a marketing resource. Someone who talks a lot about Sex is not someone who has sexual openness, it is only someone who talks about sex. Someone who talks a lot about sex may seem very open but, really, has many demands, insecurities, myths, taboos ... ", Malnero reads.
Someone who talks a lot about sex is not someone who has sexual openness, he is only someone who talks about sex
Nayara Malnero, sexologist
"An insatiable monster of social approval", affirms Fdez Saro, who generates in many people what the therapists call "resolution anxieties that block and do not really let us enjoy the journey." This is explained by
Iván Rotella
, also a member of the AEPS, who believes that, "in recent years, we have experienced a kind of commercialization of orgasm as the sole objective and purpose of erotic exchange or autoeroticism itself". "Striving to get the medal that we believe marks our success in a relationship is not erotic at all," he says.
Rotella defends that rather than thinking about orgasm, "or skills and techniques, we should try to make body and mind go hand in hand because
climax needs to give permission, to abandon itself, to let go, each person at their own pace and in their format
. This The sexologist defends, above all, that "the orgasm belongs to us, it is ours, it can be used to relax, improve mood, beautify, improve personal and partner well-being, feel ... but whether or not it comes does not mean more than where we are at that specific moment. "" It is only a difficulty to wish to have it and never have it;
only in this case, the ephemeral pleasure that orgasm means may need the help of professionals of sexology to be felt ".
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