“When we decide not to focus on what is missing our lives, or what is not among the existing assets that we have in our hands, then we decide to enjoy heaven on earth!”
(Sarah Prithnash, Simple Abundance)
Many are the temptations that surround us every day, streets full of cafes and shops, stores that display the most beautiful clothes and the latest electronic devices every day, sellers call you to lure you with the latest offers on Internet subscriptions and other services, advertising boxes break into your phone screen for the latest tourist offers that you will like, and many temptations almost We are certain that not everyone is able, but rather out of sight or ambition. Because one of the characteristics of each society is the material disparity between one class and another, there are certainly layers that are able to respond to all these attempts that lead you to spend on luxury that you may not need. It is also certain that the members of these classes merge and meet in many places where no physical condition is required for their presence, for example: school.
Many students come from the school, who come from close but different classes at the same time. The student can distinguish the deprived student from the other deprived, or judge his situation, which lacks a lot compared to his colleague who has a lot of things. In a previous episode of the radio program presented by the media and educational consultant, Hamsa Younis, "Children of Dot Com", I talked about managing the problems of the brothers at home during the summer vacation period that coincides these days, and the questions of the followers were many, surprisingly, a question that was not actually linked to a topic The episode was, “Since you are talking about summer vacation, how do we, as families, in normal financial conditions, provide our children with the luxury of summer vacation? Is it not fair for the poor to enjoy the summer too?” Professor Hamsa’s answer was about one idea. The conviction, if the parents are basically convinced that what is in their hands is sufficient for them, as this will instill in their souls the contentment and enjoyment of what they possess, not caring about what they do not possess. Out of the theoretical debates that may not be reflected in the behavior of our children, how can conviction be instilled in the hearts of our children who drown in the temptations of this era?
Self-acquired or acquired?
There are three ways to teach a child; the first, for example, the second, for example, and the third method, for example.
(Albert Schweitzer, German doctor and philosopher)
In an interview with " Maidan " with the doctor and family counselor Khalil Al-Zyoud, and by asking him about the origin of the conviction if it is subjective to the formation of the child himself or whether the parents have a role in giving their children the advantages of this benign characteristic, he says: "Conviction is acquired, and it is possible to define its concept as contentment Parents begin to reinforce this conviction with their children by their coming, and that these two parents have the conviction that they are suitable for each other, and that this son who is coming to them is a trust that must be paid attention to, and that he needs to be mobile models to reinforce and instill some of the traits that Conviction is one of them. " In an article (1) for the American writer and lecturer Rachel Cruz, who draws attention to a situation that occurred when she was young, the meaning of which is that the family is a compass of attributes, it says that at the time of the celebration of New Year's holidays, a separated mother lived near them with three children, and the author's parents knew That this mother is unable - materially - to bring gifts to her children and celebrate this occasion, so they decided to bring gifts and give them to this family. While shopping, at a young age, as the author points out, she did as the kids did and asked for a toy for her since they were in a place packed with toys, and since they also bought gifts for neighbors.
The mother refused, and reminded her daughter of similar toys that she owned, and also reminded her that they came to buy gifts for their neighbor and it was not planned to buy gifts for others, and the mother fixed her position despite her child's attempts to change her mind and buy a toy that she actually owns at home. To complement this, Dr. Al-Zyoud mentioned to Meydan some mistakes that parents make, which in turn make the child selfish, jealous, dissatisfied, whatever:
* Giving the child everything: for the parents to respond to the child's persistent efforts to persuade them to buy or do something that is absolutely unnecessary or not in need of it.
* Failure to clarify basic needs: to provide the child with his needs without clarifying what was needed for him mainly or why it was provided for him, which in turn will not make the child able to estimate what he has.
* Not explaining the reason for the ban: Some things are prevented from the child without providing clear reasons for the prevention, and this will distract the child and will not make him able to distinguish the reason for the refusal.
* Permanent complaining between parents: pessimistic conversations in front of the child that complain about the responsibilities of life and mention their shortcomings in some matters in front of the child, here a child is raised that is not satisfied with what is in it.
Signs reveal the child's lack of conviction
He who is not satisfied with what he has, will not be satisfied with what he will get
(Socrates)
There is no doubt here that raising and creating a satisfied child who is satisfied with his hands and what is available despite all external influences is a challenge to the parents, and it cannot be an easy task. Complementing with Dr. Khalil Al-Zyoud, he explains to “ Meydan ” the signals and signs that the child shows that parents can take into consideration to assess and correct their child’s situation. Some of these signals are in the form of:
* Embarrassing weapons for parents: the absence of the idea of dialogue by the child when he requests what he wants, as he resorts to screaming, crying and unjustified intransigence.
* The absence of his preferences: The child's pursuit of something only because he saw it in the hands of others is a sign of the absence of what he loves. For example: it goes directly to another game or something as a tradition, not as desire or preference.
* Destroying what is in the hands of the other: A child who is not content tends to destroy what is in the hands of others - even if it is a mother or father - and when discussing or discussing, no answer is shown except for negative stubbornness.
After reviewing these points, the reader comes to the mind that children usually have similar reactions, and that their child may not be the child whom these points described as dissatisfied or not satisfied. And to find out if the child really acquired this trait by his or her parents without them, Dr. Khalil Al-Zyoud gave some advice that will help the parents to deal with their child if he is not satisfied, or to correct some errors, if any. Dr. Al-Zyoud imagines a five-dimensional shape, the five sides of which work to raise children who are aware of the financial situation of the parents, and differentiate between their basic needs and non-productive luxury:
* The first rib: for a child to learn how to save and save money, and to tell him that whatever he desires will be purchased from non-essential matters from his personal savings, such as games, sweets, and others.
* The second leg: An explanation that the mother’s or father’s special needs are from their personal savings and not from the budget allocated for home expenses.
* The third leg: Discussing the son's request to ask him to ask some questions, such as: What is the need for him? How much is it? What is the use of it? Are there more affordable alternatives?
* The fourth leg: presenting options to the child that meets the same requirement and respect for his choice, even if it is the opposite of ours.
* The fifth leg: Opening the way for children to discuss parents about their purchases, so that they also judge their family’s conviction or whether they resort to unproductive luxury.
At the end of his dialogue with Meydan , Dr. Al-Zayoud says that the child may not understand terms such as selfishness, contentment, and well-being, but over time, by focusing on the content of these concepts, we will have helped our children to set their priorities, which will become clearer with them as they become more aware of their responsibilities towards Themselves are too. We have also taught them the meaning of gratitude for what is available. In October of 2018, a study (2) was conducted by "Journal of Positive" and found that adolescents who were keen to jot down and write down the things they wished to exist in their lives on a daily basis were more Convinced, less material and more inclined to donate, the researchers suggested adding this habit to be in our children's diaries, so that gratitude becomes a routine that refines their outlook on life. (3)
A clearly defined financial map
"Be grateful for what you have now, you will end up reaping more than you. If you are not convinced of what you have, nothing will suffice you."
(Oprah Winfrey)
Likewise, in a short interview with Maidan , the media and educational counselor, Hamsa Younis, adds that the family's financial situation should not be a secret or an issue that is not disclosed to the children. The child must be notified that he is part of the family and is fully aware of what he is going through, and that he has an active role if he understands what is going on in the circumstances around him. This is confirmed by writer Beth Kopliner in her book "Make your child a genius in money (even if it is not)", and comments in one of her lectures that parents are more open to discussing their children with things like sex, drugs, alcohol, but the issue of money is still Among the prohibitions that are not discussed with the child, and this from her point of view is wrong, but it also provides several things related to money that should not be shared with your children: (4) (5)
* Your monthly salary: There is no need to share your child with the numbers specified for your monthly salary, and there is also no problem with his participation if you like. But whatever number you share, it is too big for your child and will build in his mind an idea that you have enough to fulfill all his important and unimportant demands.
* Whose parents earn more: If both spouses work, avoid discussing who gets more, no need to share specific numbers, especially with young children. This sends a message to their brains that one parent is contributing more than the other.
* Your personal views of your relatives in terms of money: You should not share your opinion of the uncle or uncle or any member of the family as a prodigal, stingy, and other descriptions. This makes the child believe that family relations are based on the financial quality of each individual.
* How much did the "gifts" cost you : The joy of the bid will be distorted if you disclose the cost of what was provided. The child must learn that the gift is not valued at its cost, and that he should be grateful and thankful for the gifts, no matter how low they cost.
* Don't deal with the gift as a punishment / reward: a study (6) (7) in 2014 from the University of Missouri, Colombia, found that children whose parents used these techniques were more likely to believe that success in life is determined by the quality and number of physical things that Own by the individual, or getting certain things will make them more attractive.
* Your concern about the costs of their future studies: The idea of paying university costs for a family that has more than one child is a frightening idea. There is a difference between talking about the university and its costs, and talking about radioactive anxiety. Avoid excessively negative talk about how much the college / university costs. It is easy for our vibrations to be misinterpreted by our offspring, and they may conclude that the college is a huge burden they don't want you to bear.
It came in the judgment and stories of ancient China that a king loved to reward a man, and he said to him: Go on the land and plant it, so that when you arrive on foot, it is all yours, no matter how large it is. The man rejoiced and rushed, running quickly to the land quickly and madly. He walked a long distance and felt tired and thought of returning to the king until he was rewarded, but he considered making the greatest effort and traveled a greater distance, and walked, and after thinking and effort he thought about returning, but he changed his mind and decided to walk more until he got lost and did not return - and in another account he is said to have died from fatigue - . This man did not know what it meant to be satisfied, and was not convinced enough. Our Arab proverbs are not without mentioning contentment, as I described them as an inescapable treasure. Raising and cultivating values is not an easy task, but it is one way or another that deserves fatigue, and plays an important role in drawing personalities for our future pleasures, and it even makes it easier for us to deal with them present.