How a toxic boss manipulates you without you even realizing it

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Toxic leaders are masters at manipulation.

Only those who know their behavior patterns can see through their tricks and protect themselves from them.

For this reason, a research group from Switzerland has come together.

With their research, Anja Oswald, Pablo Hagemeyer and Jan Gysi want to create more awareness of so-called toxic leaders and provide their victims with helpful tips.

"Toxic leaders want power and control above all else"

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The experts understand the term “toxic leader” to be toxic people in positions of power.

They have a combination of characteristics of the so-called dark tetrad: Machiavellianism, sadism, sociopathy and narcissism.

Pablo Hagemeyer, specialist in psychiatry and psychotherapy

How strong these characteristics are in each case varies from person to person.

Machiavellianism, however, is found in every toxic executive.

"Machiavellians are very strategic to achieve their goals - regardless of losses."

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But what are your goals?

On the one hand, they are driven by the greed for recognition and wealth, explains the psychiatrist.

“But above all, they want power and control.” Nobody would want such a person as a manager.

However, identifying you as a toxic executive right away is extremely difficult.

You can come across as incredibly charming, eloquent, and engaging at first.

Pablo Hagemeyer, psychiatrist

This is not least due to a skill that they have mastered almost perfectly: cognitive empathy.

Cognitive empathy: the ability to turn empathy on and off

Most of us understand empathy to be the ability to empathize with the feelings of others.

Toxic executives cannot genuinely empathize with their fellow human beings, but they can pretend to be deceptively good. In this way, they first develop a bond with their employees.

Once the trust is there, they can start manipulating.

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"After the employee has been showered with admiring compliments, he is checked for loyalty," the researchers write in a scientific publication.

“The boss asks him to easily handle cross-border tasks.” Because he doesn't want to endanger the relationship of trust with his boss, the employee doesn't ask critical questions.

After all, the boss knows best what is right and what is wrong.

Or?

"The employee has already got caught in the spider's web of the toxic manager."

However, this phase is only the first of many, far more uncomfortable phases.

"It gets particularly bad when the toxic boss has chosen someone he wants to kill," says Hagemeyer.

The weapons of toxic executives

In their publication, the researchers list a variety of weapons that toxic people use against their victims.

A popular tactic is making fabricated claims about the victim.

By making superficial, diffuse allegations without any factual basis, toxic executives find sympathizers in their work environment.

They shoot stories the way it is useful to them.

In this way, the victim is cornered - and isolated from colleagues.

If an employee has no colleagues to communicate with and who understand him, he is alone and helpless.

Pablo Hagemeyer, psychotherapist and book author

Source: Getty Images / Cultura RF / Fiona Jackson-Downes

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The division of the team is very important for toxic managers.

They achieve this, among other things, by specifically giving preference to individual employees and discrediting others.

Or they lure their employees with false promises, for example by whispering to each individual that they have the best chance of becoming a department head.

Of course, you shouldn't tell your colleagues anything, as they are also keen on the position

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"Then nobody trusts the other," says Hagemeyer.

This spreads fear - and gives the manager more control.

This is how victims can protect themselves

Does the behavior described sound familiar to you?

Then you should record everything down to the smallest detail.

Save evidence such as text messages, emails, and screenshots.

“Even the smallest of facts can become important in court,” the authors write.

You can only defend yourself against lies, allegations and accusations with a detailed protocol.

It is just as important to strengthen your network in order to defend yourself against the isolation attempts.

But be careful: Since toxic executives are convincing to tell stories, part of those around you will believe them and turn away from you.

The experts therefore advise caution when choosing the person you trust.

“The boss's secretary is certainly not neutral.

Even if she takes your side for a short time. ”You can also network outside of work, for example with a therapist or a lawyer.

These will help you reflect on the situation and regularly review your options.

The final tip from the experts: never underestimate a “toxic leader”. “Never forget his lack of remorse and conscience. He only knows grandiosity and worthlessness. In between is the free fall. So for him there is only victory. Defeat would go hand in hand with one's own worthlessness. In order to prevent this, every lie, every manipulation, every means is right. Only when he has made you worthless in his eyes does he feel almighty again and for a brief moment good. This is why narcissists are so addicted to approval. It is their only chance to feel something. "