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Can a couple massage be devoid of eroticism? Better to consult upstream, otherwise the situation can quickly be confusing. On Thursday, at the microphone of Mélanie Gomez in Sans rendez-vous , the Europe health show 1, the psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc explains why it may be nice to not always consider massage as preliminary to sexuality.
The question of Marie-Laure, 33 years old
"To eroticize our relationship, I asked my husband for a massage, but his hands inevitably slip towards my sex and my breasts, which, instead of excitement, makes me angry. you? "
Catherine Blanc's answer
"There is a misunderstanding, the purpose of the massage, for her, would rather be to enter into the desire for sexuality, delay a little the deadline and want to wake up her body and sex. While she was waiting for the expression of tenderness, a recognition of all the geography of her body, ambivalence is there: for her, it is not necessarily about sexuality.
Why, in this case, not just go see a masseuse?
His request is also to be touched. Many couples do not touch each other except in sexuality. This is not particularly difficult for men, because that is what they tend to reduce. For a woman, this poses more problems because she is very 'mothering', very affectionate. Or not, but generally women who want to be caressed are quite cuddly. It's often more maternal than sexual, and that's why men do not go there.
Should not she be happy to arouse so much desire in her husband?
Of course. But by asking for a massage, she also said 'see that I have an elbow, feet, a head ...' But her husband does not know what to do areas that tell nothing of sexuality, nor nothing of his excitement. She does not want to be just a sex or breasts, she wants to be a whole body.
Her husband can also stick to the massage and not behave like a pre-pubescent teenager ...
Absolutely. For a man, it is also the occasion to discover the emotion, the softness and the abandonment of this body that is offered to the hands. Taking the time to feel the pressure of this skin is very pleasant, even if it is not erotic or sexual. To reduce to that, it is a pity. The problem is that many men also know very well that when they massage their companions, they fall asleep and therefore sexuality is not the appointment.
Should she continue in her request?
She must say that it is not erotic, that she has the right to exist naked and under her hands, without being eroticized by him. Her mistake is to ask something in the name of the eroticization of the relationship, when in reality she needs something else to ensure trust in their relationship. This will bring her another day to sexuality.