“A child without a family, a family without a child,” this is the equation in which the idea of ​​“embracing” or “home sponsorship” tries to solve the crisis of thousands of children without a supporter, and the crisis of thousands of families who have been deprived of having children and want to have a child, these children They were born to face conditions that were imposed on them and were not chosen by them, to find themselves in a care home, and to face since their birth a more than cruel life, all they express for others is that they are a number added to the number of children who have no breadwinner or shelter, and families suffer deprivation Of another kind, perhaps some of them feel that they are completely deprived of life, and want to have a child who will be an extension of him and a companion of life and Anisa in growing up. Just continue reading the following lines to learn more about the idea of ​​"embracing" and how to provide a good life for both sides of the equation.

"I used to feel lonely eating my soul. I got married ten years ago, and I traveled with my husband where he works in one of the Gulf countries, no family or friends, no work or study, nothing. All I could do was watch television or read, or spend hours on end. I see the lives of others on the social networking site Facebook, I did not talk to anyone, I just watched remotely and in silence, hoping that I could find in the follow-up what makes my loneliness, I used to see my husband only two or three hours a day, those few hours between his coming from work and his sleep, These hours are full of stress, impatience and unwillingness to do something or talk about something, I used to see him exhausted and I did not want to overburden him by complaining, he was the only person I could talk to, to hear his voice and see his facial expressions while I was talking to him, Even so, I was feeling what I was telling him to not add to his exhaustion. "

With these words, Najwa S., a pseudonym, the forty-year-old woman, described

her marriage years to

Maidan

, adding: “The difficult and heavy years have passed. I have been waiting for the children with eagerness and eagerness to make the days less difficult and less heavy. I am waiting for my child who will illuminate the darkness of my world, and conserve my unity. , And he would be my companion and my family, but this did not happen, we went to many doctors inside and outside Egypt, we performed the ICSI procedure more than once, to no avail, the truth is that my husband was not concerned with the effort or money, he was doing everything he could to bring our child to life, but this Not achieved".

This made Najwa's psychological condition worsen, so the further the dream of childbearing moved away and the more evident the picture became that the matter might be among the impossible, her life became more severe, and on one of the times she browsed to the social networking site Facebook, Najwa found a woman telling through a video clip her story with embracing, and how it became A mother after she sponsored a child in her home, at this moment, there were a hundred unanswered questions in Najwa's head, is it possible to actually get a child through sponsorship?

What is the guarantee in the first place?

What are its procedures?

Does the mother really feel the feelings of motherhood by embracing a child she did not give birth to?

Will the rest of her life live with her?

What can her husband say about all this?

After seeing this clip, Najwa watched dozens of other clips, examined the procedures, knew that she could embrace a day-old child, and she could breastfeed by following up with a doctor who gave her milk-producing drugs, so that his mother became breastfeeding, and after Najwa got the answers she needed, and she learned On the dozens of other experiences that women who have hugged, Najwa learned more about the "alternative families" system, which was launched by the Egyptian Ministry of Social Solidarity in 1959 AD, and is based on enrolling children deprived of family care, especially of unknown parentage, with families chosen according to conditions and criteria that confirm the validity and safety of the family. Its purposes are to take care of these children without exploiting them or for self-interest. (1)

The time has come for Najwa to go with all this information to her husband. Najwa says to "

Maidan

": "It was never easy, my husband got upset, and he said that he will not bring a child into his house that he does not know anything about or about his parents. He said that he does not know whether his father was a thief. Or his grandfather a murderer, he said that "race is intrusive", so why should he bear this burden and remain anxious for the rest of his life? He said that he will never feel the feelings of parenthood in this way, and that we can sponsor whoever we want from the orphans and spend on them without living with us at home. And the sons of our nephews are the first to pay attention to this, so let us help our brothers in the expenses of their children and their upbringing, and their children will become our children. He said dozens of things that completely close the discussion of the matter and make it difficult to open again.

Najwa fell silent and withdrew from the discussion, she knew that this was only the initial reaction, and that when her husband calmed down and ran the matter in his head, he would find himself what he argued with all his previous words, but her thought was disappointed, so the husband became more fierce than the first time the second time, a year passed And the other, during which Najwa tried a lot to persuade her husband to embrace, and she prayed a lot for God to open his heart to the matter, until he came one day of his own accord to ask her about the procedures required for home sponsorship, Najwa did not believe her ears, and when she asked him about the secret of changing his position, he said that he spoke to some The clerics who told him that this is a great reward, and that this way protects a soul from being lost and provides it with a decent life, they told him that there is no guarantee of anything, and that he may give birth to a child from his crucifixion and become a barren and torment him, and that if he raises this child well and takes care of him, he may become with the success of God A righteous person helps him in his old age, he told her that he knew that there is no legal embarrassment in the matter, and that his inheritance after his death will go to his natural heirs, and he can allocate to the child who will embrace him with a will of his money, with which he helps him after his death.

I dreamed of her several times. I saw her looking at me and calling me even though she was only days old, and when I asked about her name, they said “Heba.” On the first vacation, my husband and I traveled Egypt, and I went with him to a nursing home for children without a breadwinner, and indeed I saw her, she was as I saw her exactly in my dream, and when I asked her name, they said "Heba", I knew that it was God's choice for me, I did not see other children, I said this is my daughter, she was three months old, and I told myself that during my husband's journey from rejection to conviction it was a gift that was not born in the first place. At that time, I said to myself, "Nothing happens by chance, and everything has a deadline." This is how Najwa tells "

Maidan

" the moment she met her daughter.

In Fatwa No. 2063 on its website, the Egyptian Dar Al Iftaa clarifies the difference between sponsorship and adoption, saying: “Islam encourages orphans to be sponsored, raised, and kind to him and to carry out his affairs and interests until the Prophet, may God’s prayers and peace be upon him and his family, made the sponsor of the orphan with him in Paradise. Thus »He pointed his index finger and middle, and Faraj them something. Narrated by Bukhari, in the novel Muslim:« Orphans or to others, which I imagine in Paradise ». and enjoined Paradise for those who orphans participated in the food and drink; he said, may Allah bless him and his family and him:« annexation of an orphan Between Muslim parents, to his food and drink until he dispenses with him, and Paradise compulsorily for him. ”Narrated by Ahmad.

And he, may God’s prayers and peace be upon him and his family, said: “If a house is loved to God, a house in which an orphan is honored.” Al-Tabarani narrated it from the hadith of Ibn Umar, may God be pleased with him, with a chain of transmission. As for adoption: it is the adoption of a person who is born to another child, and Islam has prohibited all effects of adoption.

That Almighty, saying: )oma made Odeiakm sons. That is your argument Bofuahkm God says it is right to guide the way to their parents * Invite them is God, the premium on not learned to their brothers in religion and Mwalikm( (parties: 4-5).

He ordered the one who sponsored anyone not to attribute him to himself, but to attribute him to his father if he had a well-known father. If the ignorance of his father was called a sire and brother in religion, thus preventing people from changing facts, protecting the rights of the heirs from loss or diminution, and saving from the mixing of foreigners and their isolation with some Embodied in the mixing of the adopted person with the incestuous of the adopted person or the adopted woman with the adopter and his children and relatives, this is a broad corruption that only God Almighty knows who is created and who is the gentle and expert.

Accordingly: the responsibilities of sponsorship in Islam are all the responsibilities and duties of adoption, except for what Islam forbids changing genealogies and the consequences thereof. (2)

As for Fatwa No. 461, the house explains that the child of unknown parentage, who may be subjected to bullying and rejection by society, and some refuse to consider him an orphan, he is legally treated as an orphan, saying: “It enters into the meaning of an orphan of unknown parentage. It is depriving him of his father, and this illness is achieved in the unknown lineage in a way that affects the soul and matters of life that need more attention. (3)

Salwa J., a pseudonym, a girl in her late thirties, Salwa’s wish from the beginning of her awareness in life was to become a mother, from her teenage years and she tends to children and they also tend to her, the children of her relatives and even the children crossing with their mothers in the street are attracted to her And they place their heads on her chest in a calm and serene way that makes their mothers wonder because their children are not so attracted to strangers, Salwa was related day after day more to children, and she waited impatiently for her children to come to life, waiting for the day when she would get married, and she did not want life more than listening to the word "Mama" from small mouths that loves her and does not feel safe and protected except in her neighborhood and presence, but the day wearing the white wedding dress never came. Salwa waited for heavy years, but her wish did not come true. When Salwa felt that she was approaching forty, she firmly decided that she would not wait Never more than this.

Salwa says to "

Maidan

": "I want to spend the rest of my life next to my children, so why waste precious time waiting for something that may never happen? I want my children to be in my arms as soon as possible, and I decided that my way to achieve this is to embrace a child." He has no family. "

Salwa faced a lot of family opposition, her mother told her that she is still a girl, and that she may face accusations that this child is her son illegally. In the end, she will not hang the adoption papers on her forehead to announce to everyone that this is her foster child, she told her that she thus closes the door on herself. Marriage is forever, so who will marry her with her foster child, and who will accept raising and caring for someone else’s child, her father told her that the responsibility is heavy and the decision is huge, and that perhaps tomorrow brought her the love of her life, and if he stipulated that she should return the child to the foster home in which she might accept under pressure of emotions , And this would be a great crime against the child who will have tasted the sweetness of the warmth and stability of the home.

Salwa says to "

Maidan

": "I thought about all their words and what is more than him, I thought that I would assume the responsibility of a child completely alone, and that I would take charge of him and fully meet all his needs, and that I would be his mother and father. This worried me, but I found in myself." Great strength and satisfaction with the idea, despite all the previous obstacles and difficulties, I used to see in myself every obstacle a solution and the door of Faraj, I have saved from continuous work without interruption throughout my years of life a good amount of money that will secure material stability for me and my child, this child will provide me with protection as much as I will provide him He will protect me from falling into the clutches of a selfish man who sees only himself, so whoever refuses the presence of my fostered child and will ask him to return to the foster home is a man I have to think a thousand times before marrying him, no matter how much I love him, I will completely close the door to the idea of ​​returning the child to the foster home at all costs, What if it was my biological child that I gave birth to from my womb? I would sacrifice him and put him in a foster home if a man asked me this? Of course not, I also do not have to do anything, I am not waiting for a man to shelter or feed me in order to accept his conditions that I do not accept. "

With this strength that Salwa found in herself, she defended her idea and her desire with all the strength she could have. She told her mother that people are free as they think, so that people do not benefit her with anything in her lonely nights and her harsh days of depression, and that she never wants to spend the rest of her life in the "waiting period" "That heavy, should you wait another forty years to satisfy them?"

Everyone bowed to Salwa's wish, and what surprised her was that as soon as her foster daughter came home, her parents turned into real grandparents, they were anxious to see their first and perhaps only granddaughter, as if they had never opposed the idea.

Salwa began following a doctor who supervised giving her milk-generating drugs in order to feed her daughter, who was not more than six months old when she conceived for the first time, Salwa describes this moment to "

Maidan

" saying: "I have never experienced such a moment of happiness, warmth and reassurance in my life. That I will not forget as long as I live. "

A post she shared with a Facebook page of sponsorship and incubation says:

"A foster mother is appreciated by following up with a specialist in breastfeeding and nutrition and adhering to some treatment protocols. She is breastfeeding her child. No one can deny the benefits of breastfeeding the child and the nursing mother as well, whether it is medical benefits such as antibodies and food that the child gets or psychological like The strong relationship that forms between the child and his mother, and with regard to the foster family, breastfeeding is in addition to the great benefits of this relationship of a different kind between the child and his family, it makes the child, whether a boy or a girl, a son of the family through breastfeeding and this is a great embarrassment from the legal point of view in family dealings ".

According to the fatwa of the Egyptian Dar Al Iftaa No. 2829, the prohibition on breastfeeding is established by five saturated feeds, dispersed or more, during the period of breastfeeding, which is two lunar years from the date of birth, and what is deprived of breastfeeding is deprived of lineage in general, whether in the case of a man or a woman

Because he, may God’s prayers and peace be upon him and his family, said: “What is forbidden by breastfeeding children is forbidden from lineage.” Agreed upon. (4)

Nermin S., a pseudonym, the 30-year-old woman, is also a single mother, but her status differs from that of Salwa completely. She was married for nearly seven years, during which she tried to have children, but all her attempts failed, so her attempts went to the path of embracing. Her husband refused and then accepted, and we actually embraced a child, but many family and financial problems arose between Nermin and her husband that ended in separation, to find Nermin herself alone with her foster child, her family told her that she must return the child to the foster home in order not to hold herself this heavy responsibility, and until she sees How will she behave in her new life, but Nermin refused categorically and radically and told everyone that this is her son, so let them forget that he is cuddled so that they do not create such solutions for her that she saw as stupid, Nermin says to "

Maidan

":

Should I throw my son to a nursing home so that my life can be stabilized ?! That is, the situation was difficult, I do not deny this, as my ex-husband realized at the moment of separation that this child was not his son, although before these problems he used to treat him with great affection and care, but he The moment of separation I absolved me of any responsibilities towards him, I could never do the same, I closed my ears for any voice telling me that this child is not my son, he is my son despite everyone's nose, I started attending many training courses, I owe to learn, and my son is in my arms, in order to I managed to get a job opportunity, and indeed I got a good job opportunity, it enabled me to rent a small apartment and provide good nursery expenses for my child until I end my work cycle and return to it, it is true that I am exhausted and exhausted, but I am much happier than that woman they wanted me to be If I had done for them what they wanted, I would have kept my bed in my father’s house hostage to my depression, I had no motive to make me work hard or move, all I would do was wait for another husband who would give me life or take it away from me however he wanted, I needed a lot of strength to get out of this Damned circle, and God has given me this strength, perhaps for my child more

Mona".

The strength that Nermin exhibited may not be able to everyone else. On her page on the social networking site, one of the embrace campaign in Egypt says: “In one of the orphanages we go to, a new child arrived, or in a more correct sense the child brought him again, the story began when he married And a wife, our Lord, did not give them offspring, they decided to embrace a child from an orphanage, and our Lord compensated them by adopting a very beautiful child, raising him and growing him up, enrolled in one of the best schools, and lived a normal life for about 5 years, until the separation occurred between the mother and the father, then the mother decided that She gets married, and fate desires that she carry a child in her womb, so that her desire coincides with the new husband's desire to return the foster child to the foster home, so that the seven-year-old child suffers from severe depression and a severe psychological crisis, and only the first month of separation remains crying, as he knows nothing but his parents And he does not remember anything about his first life in the house, he only knows his mother who cared for and looked after him, and he does not know why she left him.

The participant adds: "The decision to bail / embrace, it is not an easy decision, it is not a simple experience or for a temporary period, not to satisfy an instinct or a social appearance, and you decide to sponsor a child. I know that he is a child of Adam, he has feelings and a heart that may break and become invincible for the rest of his life and you are the reason. Every family and every father and mother have decided to ensure that they know that this is a decision for the end of their life. Read, educate yourself, learn, attend workshops and lectures, hear experiences around you, ask for support and with your promises that you will find it from the interested and professional. (5)

According to a report published by "Theatlantic," Amanda Baden, a professor in the Graduate Counseling Program at Montclair State University who has been studying adoption-related issues for 25 years, was surprised to find so little research on how the age at which people discover they are foster affects their later life outcomes. .

Baden and her colleagues published a study of the outcomes associated with detecting adoption at different stages in life.

The results indicate that revealing the adopter's condition at a later age can have negative consequences for future life satisfaction and the mental health of the adopter.

According to the same report, it was common for parents not to simply disclose the origins of their adopted children, and research in the 1970s showed that most parents did not.

The Baden study indicates that parents who exposed this fact tended to do so in adolescence or adulthood, as some experts at the time believed it was best to wait until the adoptive person was old enough to understand the concept and effects of adoption.

But today, adoption professionals are closer to consensus over revealing the story of a child's adoption of him or her at an early age, and the logic here is that children discovering that their parents have lied to or misled them for too long is something that can be harmful to children's mental health. 6)

Many foster parents have argued about this matter, how can they shock their children at this early age that they have other parents, and that this may arouse their curiosity or even make them move away from their foster parents or take a distance from them, but a Jordanian mother in custody was able to find an innovative solution Therefore, the cuddle page in Jordan published on the social networking site Facebook a letter from the child Ayman as follows: “I am Ayham, I am five years old, I am a cuddled child, my mother told me one day we want to write a story about cuddling, I asked my mother what is the meaning of cuddling, who is? Ayham: Embracing is beautiful and sweet, my mother replied: Yes, cuddling is a wonderful thing, but oh Ayham, what is the meaning of being a cuddled child? Ayham said: When I was young, my brother Amr and I embraced me, I came to the house with you and then you were very happy with me, you prepared my room for me, you bought me A beautiful bed, a big brown teddy bear, and you decorated my room, then we went to my grandfather's and my grandmother's house, and they were very happy with me, and they brought me beautiful gifts, a white bear, a pink bunny, a big red ball I jump on, I love it so much this ball, and beautiful new clothes, I was happy Very much with all of these things, then I became a little brother named Amr, I love him very, very much

Love my father and I love my mother, my mother said: And we love you so much, you and your brother Amr, well, Ayham, and finally: What do you say to all the children about cuddling?

I tell them we are a family.

The writer Ayman Akef with the help of Mama. (7)

Siham A., a pseudonym, one of the officials in the homes for children of unknown parentage, says to "

Maidan

": "There are tens or perhaps hundreds of thousands of children who have neither a breadwinner nor a home. These children are born to find themselves a number in a ward, a ward that may contain 15 or 25 other children may have a bed alone, and they may share the same bed with others, depending on the state of the home and the number in it, it goes without saying the suffering that these children suffer from the first moment of their lives, and here came the importance of the idea of ​​embracing or sponsoring a home to provide a decent life It is good for these children, so that they can obtain safety and love, so that their human needs are met, such as food, clothing and housing in a decent manner, and in order to attend good schools. All this can be provided by integrating these children into families that in turn need them as well.

Siham added: "Unfortunately, there are some mistakes that I like to point out and some fostered families fall into, such as finding the mother telling us that she arranged everything, and she told everyone that she was pregnant and she was ready to receive the child, and this is a serious mistake, so the child must know that he is embraced. In any case, he will not bear the full name of his sponsor, it is attributed to his father if it is known, and the idea here is that the fostered child feels that the truth of his condition is a disgrace he carries and he must hide it from others as his sponsors did, and he will remain throughout his life unable to reconcile with this truth.

The second disaster that we are exposed to is the return of children to the role after years of embracing them, what you do not know here is that you completely destroyed this child, you made him taste life and taste the warmth of your love and your care and stay in your arms, then you deprived him of all this at once, and you returned him to a situation he may have forgotten or He does not want to be remembered, the big problem is that children in this case feel that they are bad, and that their badness is what led to their rejection and rejection of their foster families, the third thing that I notice that many foster families when faced with the problems of adolescence and their crises with children, reinterpret these problems To the fact that the child is embraced, and they forget that these problems are the nature of adolescence, all we would like to say here is: Do not guarantee if you are not sure that this decision will be your decision for the rest of your life, do not guarantee if you are allergic to the child or will deal with him someday On the basis that he is the son of someone else.

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Sources

  • Alternative family system

  •  Statement of the Sharia ruling on adoption

  • Ensuring the orphan and of unknown parentage

  •  The prohibition of breastfeeding, the forbidden and the forbidden of breastfeeding

  • Embrace in Egypt

  • What Happens When Parents Wait to Tell a Child He's Adopted

  • Baby Ayman's Experience - Embrace in Jordan