- Sex.Sexuality and sex education
Put your hand under the table, at your in-laws' house, on Sunday. Send photos all Friday with the husband, after having told him to take care of wine and dinner because you will be late. Making love in public places -a park, a bathroom, a movie theater-, surrendering to an orgy, wanting to make love with two men -your boyfriend and his soccer colleague-, having oral sex with your best friend .. The list of sexual fantasies is as endless as our imagination is powerful, but that does not mean that we have to fulfill them or define our sexuality.
So what are they for? What sexology explains, for now, is that fantasy should not be confused with desire . «Fantasy answers a question, what can I imagine? While the desire responds to a very different one: what do I want to do? ”Says Valerie Tasso , writer, sexologist and ambassador for the Lelo erotic products firm. That is, "for a fantasy to be fulfilled, it must be transformed, first, into sexual desire . " “One can fantasize about participating in an orgy but her sexuality is neither emotionally nor ethically nor physically prepared to face that challenge and, if she never becomes, she will stay in that, in fantasy. But it may happen that, at a certain moment, that fantasy is desired, can and wants to be taken to the act ».
Faced with the "check list of practices" that seems to be "necessary to be modern -trios, orgies, partner exchanges-", expands sexologist Patricia Díaz Saco , a member of the State Association of Professionals of Sexology (EAPS) , fantasies should be viewed from the prism of personal knowledge rather than from a goal to fulfill : «One of the greatest myths is that you have to realize them. Rather than improving our sexual relationships, fantasies can help us feel more satisfied by knowing each other more and allowing us to express parts of our eroticism that, otherwise, we could not or would not want, ”continues Díaz Saco.
In fact, a recent research published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine , titled Whay exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy? ( What exactly is a rare sexual fantasy ?), Concludes that, in relation to our imaginations and sensuality, it is preferable to "focus on analyzing the effect rather than the content." Another interest of the study was to know which were the most common fantasies in men and women and if both genders could have similar tastes. Having sex in strange places takes the medal, because 80% of the interviewees, women and men, said having it. That is, practice it in the office, for example, perhaps with your boss, because that is another recurring fantasy.
On the possible imaginative disparity of men and women, Tasso opens a light when he says that « female fantasies have a sleaze and a detail in surprising sleaze . That is why it is not strange that the most common are related to BDSM. Many women fantasize about being submitted - and often not under the BDSM consensus, remember that we talk about fantasies and not about desires - ».
And it may even happen that our fantasy has little sexual and quite romantic. The sexologist at the head of the Afrodisía cabinet, Diana Fernández Saro , considers that “there is a false belief that fantasies involve genital practices, naked bodies and a high degree of body intensity, but there are those who have more romantic fantasies, without nude images, more in seduction, in conquest, in non-carnal game ».
Nor does it imply infidelity to fantasize about having something with an acquaintance, co-worker or famous shift - "it would be stupid, dangerous and extraordinarily unfair to blame or blame someone for fantasizing, for example, with Brad Pitt," says Tasso. This sexologist also refers to the possible "third party call". If there is a consensual tendency in the couple to try another person, we must also think about the possible consequences.
It is what Tasso calls "promiscuity management, how to face the fact, hardly elusible, that at some point my partner wants to interact sexually with another person." The potential of sexual fantasy, you see, has an immense horizon but the important thing is that it serves as personal knowledge and also erotic growth if we venture to address them as a couple.
According to the criteria of The Trust Project
Know more- Sex
Sex Do men also pretend orgasms?
SEXOMITES and truths of female ejaculation
They share a man for throwing buckets of excrement to people in Toronto libraries