EUROPE 1 ACCOMPANES YOU
How to feed desire after several years of relationship? The psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine White attacks this Tuesday in No Appointment , the show Health Europe 1, the routine that can settle in the sexual life of many couples.
The question of Nicolas, 46 years old
My partner does not want to spice up our relationship that has locked in, in my opinion, in the routine. What to do Catherine?
Catherine Blanc's answer
"After a while, the routine is obligatory, a relationship is always worrying because we do not know if it will continue." As long as the partners are not routine, they feel anxious. then, we seek tranquility because we have confidence and we know the person, so we are quieter when reporting.
Then, spicing up the everyday can only mean looking at each other or talking to each other differently. It is not necessary to set up practices straight out of a pornographic film. Which could scare the partner. This is perhaps what happens with the girlfriend of Nicolas, the gap may be too important between his eroticism to her and that he would propose. Just change the habits to spice up your sex life: do not make love at the same time, in the same place or in the same position. Without necessarily choosing a position "weird" because if we are too tired, we do not risk to do it again. And then, to find with elongations, it is finally little erotic!
Do we know after how long the relationship begins to wither?
It's not that the relationship is waning but rather anchoring. We tend to see it negatively, except that when the relationship is not anchored, she is worried. On the contrary, when everyone's habits begin to take root, we can allow ourselves to express our desires, to do simpler things. It is not necessary to be always in the demonstration. To spice up a relationship is only to remember that we must be forever seduced.
Is the routine bad? Is not it normal to have phases?
It's perfectly normal to have phases. Moreover, a human being is built through the routine. This is the case with children, for example. It is not conceivable that parents change the time and the meal menu constantly or that they do not come to pick them up at school. It is extremely anxiety-provoking. But from time to time, it is important to change habits, to offer them to eat "junk food" rather than good food, for example. Suddenly, it spoils the relationship, and it's the same with a romantic relationship!