Jens * writes:
"I've been living in a three-room flat for a year, along with the main tenant and another roommate, and I've been bullied by both for a month.
They ostentate me out of the way, are rude and dismissive to me. The mood in our flat is tense and hostile. It is obvious that both are trying to get me out of the flat-sharing community. We had a relaxed relationship so far.
It started at the beginning of the year with my roommate, who made fun of stupid comments about me. Strangely, she also knows a lot of details from my private life that come from the relationship with my ex-girlfriend. It's obvious that both know each other.
I've talked to my ex-girlfriend about why she's telling my flatmate about me, and where she knows my roommate, but she denied everything.
The main tenant has kept out of everything until recently, but has now entered the bullying. I noticed that she too knows my ex-girlfriend.
At some point I told the main tenant to stop fooling me. Since then our relationship has been shattered. I'm angry and at a loss, why my roommates and my ex-girlfriend intriguing against me. It would be pointless to address them because I believe they would deny everything.
But by now I'm pretty sure that my roommates want to get rid of me to give the room to my ex-girlfriend. I do not know how to handle this situation. "
* Name changed
Sabine Stiehler answers:
"Dear Jens,
I do not find it pointless to address your roommates. Ask her if your guess is that the two want to get rid of you. They have to say something about that. And for you it is important that you express this suspicion and talk about it from the soul.
More help from the WG-therapist
Jan's roommate constantly makes him feel he's doing something wrong. He feels more and more patronized and constrained. What can he do?
Alina's roommate is always talking unabashedly - about herself, her messed-up childhood and all the rest. Alina also wants to be calm, how can she make it clear to others?
Ariana founded a shared flat with her colleague, but realized that she is not a WG type at all. Now she wants to contract with her boyfriend. How can she tell her roommate?
Janina is afraid for her roommate, who suffers from mental health problems. Because she could do something, Janina hardly dares to leave the flat. What can she do?
Carina lives with six men in a shared flat. When she asks her roommates for order, they start bullying her. How can she fight back?
Sarah's flatmate is unemployed and hanging around the flat all day - as well as his girlfriend. Sarah is totally annoyed. What can she do?
Jacob's roommate screams at night, leaves the front door open, forgets to turn off the oven - and she has an eating disorder. Can Jacob help her?
"My roommate steals food - may I install a camera?": Since the new roommate moved into the flat, food disappears - and nobody wants it. Arabella stimulates that the most. She is now considering supervising the kitchen. A good idea?
"My roommate wants my girlfriend cleans": Jonas' new girlfriend sleeps almost every night with him in the shared apartment. Now his roommate wants her to clean the bathroom regularly. Does she have to?
He tramps across the hall, opens doors and lets the tap run at night: Katharina barely tolerates her neighbor in the dorm. What can she do?
"No one cares about the cats": Philip's new roommate gives her cats too little food, rarely cleans the bowls and does not bother with them. He is overwhelmed. What should he do?
Hans has integrated well into the flat, then he suddenly pulls back, drinks a lot of alcohol and complains to the landlady about the other flatmates. What should they do? What can they do?
"I fell in love with my roommate": Lena is in love with her roommate. The problem: She now lives abroad - and he has a girlfriend. How does she get rid of him?
"Our roommate steals food": Johanna and Eva have a new roommate. Since she moved in, food disappears from the fridge. What can the two do?
But let your privacy out of there - that could quickly be embarrassing. If you talk about it, it's even more in the world. It does not belong in such a conversation.
I also advise you not to talk to her ex-girlfriend again. Clarify the problem directly with your roommates. Which comments did you have to listen to? How were you bullied?
If your roommates treat you badly and conspire against you, then unfortunately you can not live with them. If they want to get rid of you, they will do it. I advise you: Go voluntarily - with your head held high. "