China News Service, March 31 (Reporter Zhang Xi) In the program, the moment when asked "Have you ever been beaten as a child?", the atmosphere suddenly solidified.

　　Tao Yuedi looked at her daughter, and Tao Xinran looked at her mother. She tried hard to smile, but she cried whenever she smiled. So Tao Xinran tried to block the corners of his eyes with his index finger, but tears flowed out because of the past.

　　"Quite a lot."

  Tao Xinran said that she was beaten a lot when she was a child. Image source: Screenshot of the program

　　To be honest, the last time I saw Tao Xinran crying like this was in "The Legend of Zhen Huan".

　　Tao Yuedi was once a supporter of "stick education" and believed that "hitting is a bond, scolding is a loving relationship, and if you don't hit or scold, you won't succeed."

　　When her daughter got a score of 98, she would punish her and ask, "How did you lose those two points?" When her daughter got fourth place in the class, she was also angry: "Why did she fall below the top three?"

　　In the comments of the variety show "My Daughter, My Mother", many people sympathized with Tao Xinran. The most praised comment was: "Suddenly I understand why she can play An Lingrong's humbleness and cautiousness so well."

obedience and rebellion

　　In 1985, 24-year-old Hunan girl Tao Yuedi gave birth to a daughter.

　　As a teacher, she has high hopes for her daughter. According to her plan, her daughter's main task is to go from a key middle school to a key university, and the side task is to learn dance to improve her temperament. A little more detail: You must strive for first place in everything.

　　When she was very young, Tao Xinran questioned the chicken logic: Why should I be the best? Doesn’t it deserve to exist if it’s not number one?

 Tao Xinran recalled the past of being beaten when he was a child. Picture source: Screenshot from the program.

　　Under the harsh and high-pressure education model, Tao Xinran's rebellious period was obvious and long.

　　In 2000, at the age of 15, she insisted on applying for the ethnic dance major of Hunan Art School, which obviously ran counter to Tao Yuedi's plan. The mother and daughter had huge differences, and Tao Yuedi had to make temporary concessions in the face of her stubborn daughter.

　　In the years since then, the mother and daughter have been engaged in a "tug of war". Tao Yuedi wants to go east, while Tao Xinran wants to go west. The only consensus they reach is "I am right and you are wrong."

　　Suffering from bloodline suppression, Tao Xinran never found a suitable opportunity to prove that he was right. It wasn't until An Lingrong became popular after starring in "The Legend of Zhen Huan".

  Tao Xinran plays An Lingrong in "The Legend of Zhen Huan"

　　From the perspective of consequentialism, it is difficult to judge whether Tao Yuedi's education method is correct. After all, Tao Xinran became famous. So many people came to Tao Yuedi and tried to learn parenting skills.

　　But Tao Xinran, who regarded his childhood as a "devil's training camp", made an act that he still considers to be very stupid.

　　With the mentality of proving herself and "punishing" her mother, she called Tao Yuedi, "Mom, I am who I am today because of myself, not because of the success of your education."

　　Recalling this past event, Tao Xinran burst into tears.

daughter and mother

　　The consequence of hurting each other was that it wasn't until she looked through the photo album before participating in the show that Tao Xinran discovered that the photos with her mother couldn't even fit together. The 39-year-old said "I love you" to her mother less than three times.

　　Why are you so afraid of hugging and saying I love you? Because Tao Xinran felt that Tao Yuedi was too harsh.

　　This kind of parent-child relationship is the epitome of many Chinese families.

　　Those who do not understand each other and blame each other can often be reconciled and healed after they have the same identity - they are both daughters and mothers.

　　In 2016, Tao Xinran became pregnant. She suddenly realized how difficult it was for Tao Yuedi. She posted on Weibo: "I once gave my worst temper to my mother. It is only now that I have become an expectant mother that I fully understand how much my mother has to pay to bring me into this world... Mom has worked hard." Yes, I will protect you from now on!"

  Weibo screenshots of Tao Xinran in his early years

　　After that, she began to retreat and compromise in the mother-daughter relationship, hoping to make her mother understand that she was not the best child, but was actually very ordinary.

　　"In my work circle, I am not the most beautiful, I am not the best, I am not the best, but because of my business ability, I must have a place. People must have a clear understanding of me. I can be my unique self.”

　　After having He Tao, Tao Xinran educated her daughter in the way she had longed for since childhood, which was like raising herself all over again.

　　She will respect He Tao very much and hope that her daughter can be herself.

　　In the recent entrance exam, He Tao did poorly. Tao Xinran was angry at that moment, but then she quickly reflected: "What is your desire?"

　　"She must not be the continuation of my life. Although we can never get rid of our mother in our lives, I still hope that she can be herself. Just be happy."

reconciliation and healing

　　The easing point in the mother-daughter relationship was when Tao Yuedi helped Tao Xinran take care of the children.

　　After living together, Tao Xinran found that her mother was getting old and she needed her company.

　　Seeing her daughter patiently teaching her 7-year-old granddaughter, Tao Yuedi fell into reflection. She felt that her education methods back then were extremely simple and crude, which had caused psychological harm to her children. She also admitted that she had vanity and felt that her daughter was the child of a teacher and would feel disgraced if she failed to pass the exams of others. "I'm really sorry and I'm really ashamed of myself."

  On the left is Tao Xinran’s daughter, on the right is Tao Xinran’s mother. Picture source: Screenshot of the program

　　The two softened and finally let go of their prejudices and obsessions.

　　Tao Xinran can directly express his dissatisfaction with his mother, "Mom, just because I dare to question and deny you does not mean that I don't love you."

　　Tao Yuedi is no longer eager to defend herself, but from her point of view, she also feels aggrieved: "I am more anxious. As a mother, I will always love my children, but the method of love is not appropriate."

　　In 2021, Tao Yuedi fell ill. She blamed herself even more. She was obviously here to help her daughter, but instead she needed Tao Xinran to stop work to take care of herself.

　　"My mother was lying on the hospital bed, but I chose to go filming. I think I will regret it." Tao Xinran didn't feel anything was wrong at all. She used to be worried about the future, but now she is completely relaxed. On the one hand, she feels that there is nothing wrong with it. On the other hand, I hope to spend more time with my mother. This is also the responsibility of a daughter,

　　She told Tao Yuedi that this was an opportunity, "Without this opportunity, I wouldn't have time to take care of you or accompany you."

　　There is no "I love you" in the dialogue between mother and daughter, but every word conveys greater energy. The hurt caused by love is still there, but both parties have forgiven each other and are finally willing to think from the perspective of the other.

　　In the Korean drama "Reply 1988", Dad said to Deok-sun: "Dad was not born as a father. It is also the first time for Dad to be a father. Please, Deok-sun, please be considerate of Dad."

　　Tao Xinran also reflected, "My mother gave birth to me at the age of 24, and she became a mother for the first time. As a mother at the age of 31, I may not do better than her." (End)