Earlier this month, the British royal family announced that Duchess Kate was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing treatment.
"I took the time to reassure them that they were okay," Duchess Kate said of her children in a video message.
How would you tell your child if they were diagnosed with cancer?
table of contents
Voices of sympathy spread on SNS
Communicate naturally in everyday life
Convey knowledge without leaving a negative impression
“Three Cs” when communicating
After telling...
Open table of contents
table of contents
table of contents
Voices of sympathy spread on SNS
Communicate naturally in everyday life
Convey knowledge without leaving a negative impression
“Three Cs” when communicating
After telling...
Voices of sympathy spread on SNS
Duchess Kate has released a video message saying she has been diagnosed with cancer.
In this, she said, "she took the time most of all to explain everything to George and Charlotte and Louis in the right way and reassure them that I was okay."
Duchess Kate's confession has been met with sympathy on social media.
``How painful is it to tell a child that they have cancer?'' ``
I can only sympathize with the explanation that it took so long to explain to the children.''
Communicate naturally in everyday life
Naoyuki Seki (47), who is continuing treatment for pancreatic cancer, has two children.
In 2013, at the age of 36, he was diagnosed with stage 4.
Seki says he was conscious of death.
He told her eldest daughter, who was 4 years old at the time, about her illness and that due to treatment, she was sometimes unable to run or cuddle when they played together.
She said she spoke up because she thought her daughter would sense a change in her father.
He tried to use kind words and even used picture books about cancer.
Naoyuki Seki
Naoyuki Seki
: ``To be honest, I don't know how much I understand, but when the news came out on TV that a celebrity had pancreatic cancer, he said, ``I'm just like my dad,'' so I guess I'm starting to understand. thought"
It then relapsed in 2017, shortly after my first son was born.
When Seki spends his days off with his girlfriend's son, he talks about treatments such as anti-cancer drugs.
Naoyuki Seki: ``
I don't think I'm going to talk about cancer, but I just naturally talk about it as I go about my life.For example, my eldest son said to me, ``Let's play,'' when I was sleeping on the weekend. '', but when I have a hard time due to the effects of anti-cancer drugs, I tell him, ``Today, Dad is not feeling well because of the medicine.'' I feel sorry that I can't play with him, but he seems to understand. I feel like I'm going to live with cancer until the day I die, so I also talk about the fact that it's not curable.''
Convey knowledge without leaving a negative impression
Hiromi Nagae (40) was diagnosed with stomach cancer seven years ago at the age of 33 and underwent surgery to remove her stomach. At the time, her daughter Tamami was 2 years old.
She says that Nagae doesn't want people to have a negative impression of cancer.
As she grows up, I want her to acquire correct knowledge about diseases, so I explained to her while we watched an anime about the cells in her body.
Nagae says she is open to those around her.
She said that sometimes, at dinner parties for mom friends at nursery school, Tamami would explain to her, ``Moms don't have stomachs, so they can't eat much.''
When she became an elementary school student, Nagae began taking her to cancer patient gatherings.
Hiromi Nagae: ``
I don't want people to think that cancer is something special, and I want them to know that there are all kinds of patients. I want you to see how I live my life.”
Tamami looks back on her time undergoing treatment as follows.
Tamami
: ``After the treatment, I was left with the impression that she told me that she had done her best for me.I never thought that just because my mother was a cancer patient, I couldn't do this or that.''
“Three Cs” when communicating
Hope Tree, an NPO made up of medical professionals, has been supporting children whose parents have been diagnosed with cancer.
Kaori Osawa, a medical social worker who serves as the representative, says that it is necessary to convey accurate information to prevent children from feeling isolated or anxious.
Kaori Osawa
Hope Tree representative Kaori Osawa
: ``Children are sensitive to changes in their parents.If you don't tell them anything, they may imagine that something worse is happening,'' and become anxious. If discussing topics in front of children is considered taboo, they will feel excluded from the family and become lonely.Furthermore, if you convey fragmentary or misleading information, children will be exposed to various things online. When you receive such information, you become even more anxious.It differs from person to person, but I recommend that you talk about it in a calm place after your cancer diagnosis has stabilized and you know your treatment schedule.''
He says it's a good idea to keep the "three Cs" in mind when speaking.
It is a disease called ``Cancer'', it is not ``Catchy'' (contagious), and its ``Cause'' has nothing to do with anything you or I have ever done or not done.
Providing accurate information about the disease cancer helps children avoid imagining things and causing excessive anxiety, and explaining that it is not contagious can help children feel more at ease when they are around their parents. Become.
Additionally, children tend to think it's their fault that their parents got sick, so it's important to tell them that it's no one's fault.
Tips to suit your age
It is also necessary to devise ways of conveying information depending on the age of the child.
▽Since it is still difficult for children between 0 and 2 years old to understand illnesses, they use words that they usually use, such as ``it hurts a lot.''
▽3- to 5-year-olds may blame themselves or think that they can get cancer, so they should also learn that it's no one's fault, that it's not contagious, and what they can't do due to treatment and what they can do as usual. talk.
▽In addition, children between the ages of 6 and 11 are able to understand their parents' medical conditions and physical condition, so treatment and side effects are also explained to them.
▽Furthermore, once your child is 12 years old or older, they will be able to understand that serious illness can lead to death, so it is a good idea to talk about the future outlook for the illness and treatment.
On the other hand, if parents don't want to talk, or if the child refuses, it's a good idea to keep records and continue communication using notebooks or letters.
After telling...
Osawa points out that it is also important how to follow up with the child after the information has been communicated.
The best way to deal with this is to try not to change the existing rules within the household.
Situations where children are told that they don't have to do the chores they used to do because they feel sorry for them or because they're sorry, or are forced to play games endlessly seem to make children more anxious.
It is also important not to hide the deterioration of physical condition, symptoms, or the effects of treatment. Explaining the current situation each time helps to reassure the child, and even asks, ``Is there something you are worried about?'' It is also said to be effective to say something like,
"Hope Tree" Representative Kaori Osawa
: "I think it's better to communicate with the goal of making the child feel at ease, rather than just conveying the message itself. The important thing is that parents and children can have a lot of conversations and play catch. Parents can ask their children, ``Is there anything you want to know?'' even if they are unable to express their thoughts, making it easier for parents to express what they are feeling, and it also makes it easier for parents to express their feelings when they feel unwell. You won't do too much, and it will be easier to live your daily life."
Two people who talked about their experiences “Hopefully it helps”
This time, two people from their parents' generation talked about their own experiences.
Both men had something in common regarding their reasons for being interviewed.
``The location and degree of progression differ from person to person, and I think their mental state will change depending on what stage of treatment they are in.There is no right answer, but parents of children in the same situation may have examples like this. I hope this will give you some hints and references."