The B side of breastfeeding: "Pediatrician Carlos González was my go-to guru, but he is not God nor are his truths absolute, although he treats them as such"

• Opinion: Is the new motherhood better than the old motherhood? Come on, drama moms

• Motherhood Eva Millet, critical of the so-called 'attachment parenting': "Just because you don't breastfeed you are not a worse mother"

• Parenting (ex)exhausted parents: "We looked for a sleep coach because we were tired of sleeping with the girls in our arms"

peWe know many of the benefits of breastfeeding, but among them are that it is

the best for the baby

and its defenses, and that it creates bonds between mother and child that are difficult to replicate. We also know that it is recommended to maintain it as an exclusive diet during the first six months of life and then extend it until the child is two years old. The idyllic image of the happy mother breastfeeding a chubby baby while gazing at each other raptly is the dream of many women when they are pregnant.

But, be careful, it is not everyone's desire and we add a 'bonus track': there are critical voices that call for rebelling against the "obligation to breastfeed" as the main commandment of the good mother, as

Eva Millet

explained to Yo Dona on purpose of the publication of her book 'Mammalian Mothers' (Plataforma Editorial, 2023). The journalist, mother and parenting expert told us that one of the myths that she had discovered to be false was, precisely, about the decisive benefits attributed to breastfeeding. She said: "There is a disconnect between the data and what is believed. There is a tremendous demonization of the baby bottle and many campaigns in favor of

lactivism

, but it is not as fundamental as it is believed." Millet is not against breastfeeding, but she is against that almost divine halo that surrounds it and that makes complexes and blames those who cannot or do not want to breastfeed their babies.

Parallel to the 'canonization' of the 'boob', more and more women speak publicly about the suffering that breastfeeding has caused them. Some don't recognize themselves in that

fabulous image

at the beginning or, certainly, not all the time. Well-known faces such as

Cristina Pedroche

,

Ariadne Artiles

(model and co-founder of the portal La Vida Madre),

Tania Llasera

and

Natalia Sánchez

have told their experience with the b-side of breastfeeding and, as speakers that they are, they have focused not only on their lights, but also in its shadows. Thus, following the trail of breaking the idealization of motherhood and silencing its loneliness and sacrifices, the extremely painful

cracks

in the nipples, the sleepless nights breastfeeding, the demand for the 'boob'

on demand

, the experiences with breast

pumps

, babies who don't latch on well, those who

don't gain weight

...

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Instant 'anonymous' testimonials

In addition to these celebrity testimonies, any woman who asks in her immediate circle gets statements almost instantly about more or less failed experiences with breastfeeding. A quick summary obtained by this editor:

• Luisa: "My first child never seemed to breastfeed, much less eagerly. Thus, it took a whole week for my milk to come in and I spent idle hours with the child at the breast, almost motionless or directly asleep. The pediatrician insisted that I continue, although I knew that it was impossible for him to extract much. Every week he trembled when I weighed him in the pharmacy and his gains were pyrrhic. If I took 150 grams, I would hit my teeth. An intolerance to milk protein was ruled out. cow. He didn't particularly complain, but my baby, so thin, reminded me that

  I wasn't enough

  . At 4 months I introduced a bottle little by little, with a lot of frustration. On my first night away, I tried a breast pump. They gave me "Those in the morning with that thing and the amount obtained was ridiculous. That almost empty bottle was one of the worst experiences of my life."

• Marisol: "'

  A gift for life

  ', by Carlos González, who was my go-to guru, I read it during pregnancy and reread it during the first weeks of my daughter's life. I was very aware of breastfeeding, But in the hospital she did not latch on and they gave her a bottle. She was obsessed with not interfering with breastfeeding, so at home she gave her formula with a syringe, but after eight days of life the girl did not stop crying. I sought advice at the La Leche League and in the end a doctor told me that she had frenulum, which is why it didn't latch properly. I asked for a second opinion and they denied it, so we didn't operate on it. No one could tell me what was wrong. According to Carlos González Breastfeeding is always possible, but what then? I tried a breast pump and it didn't come out much either... After a month or so, desperate, I gave up and gave her a bottle, although the girl was a slow feeder. My second daughter has been taking a bottle since the beginning combined with a little breast, when we wanted, and for a year I was able to enjoy it like that. The experience was much more liberating and much less physically and psychologically hard. My conclusion is that

  Carlos González is not God

  nor are his truths absolute, although he treats them as such. Flexibility is essential to be able to allow breastfeeding to not work without experiencing it as a failure."

• Carmen: "I never had a large amount of milk, nor did my breast hurt like other friends. When I started working, I didn't have any discomfort nor did I have to use pads to avoid staining my bras. That's why I always thought I produced a small amount. My daughter cried a lot and I assumed that she was hungry. At that time [a couple of decades ago] it was customary to put the baby to breastfeed every four hours. With the second, I tried to breastfeed on demand. The midwife gave me a relactator, with "The fact that my son drank milk from a bottle through a tube at the same time as he breastfed, but not even for that reason. Then I found out that he had lactose intolerance, but that came later. The breast pump didn't work for me either.

  So much sacrifice for nothing.

  " .

Why does breastfeeding fail?

When a woman wants to breastfeed and cannot, she looks for reasons to correct them, if possible. In addition to incorrect posture, cracks, mastitis, the baby having a sublingual frenulum that makes latching and swallowing difficult, or poor latching and low

milk

production ,

Alba Padró

, international lactation consultant , exposes some lesser-known signs that should be taken into account.

Hypoplasia or insufficient glandular tissue (IGT)

affects the breasts of some women and is characterized by an alteration in the milk-producing tissue. It is sometimes associated with small breasts, but in reality they offer an appearance more linked to shape than size. They are usually breasts widely separated from each other, tube-shaped and with thickened areola and nipple. Exclusive breastfeeding is very complicated because production is low. This imperfection of the breast tissue may have been generated in the embryonic stage or due to subsequent hormonal problems.

Hypogalactia

or

low milk production.

Many mothers have heard ad nauseam that having or not having milk depends on what the baby sucks, but it does not always happen. To begin with, the rise of milk does not depend on this suction, but production begins when the placenta separates from the uterus, either in a vaginal birth or in a cesarean section. Under normal conditions, between 30 and 72 hours pass. Not everyone feels their chest tense, which does not mean that the rise has occurred properly. If not, it is possible that the mother actually suffers from hypogalactia. It is

multifactorial

and is not always permanent. Sometimes it can be caused by poor management of breastfeeding, that is, there are no specific physical causes, but other times, the mother's obesity and diabetes may be behind it, some

remnant of the placenta

may have been retained in the uterus, aforementioned hypoplasia, thyroid hormone alterations,

polycystic

ovaries , previous eating disorders that have caused absence of periods, etc.

Instinctive yes, but for babies

The question that many women who have wanted to breastfeed, but have not been able to, or who plan to breastfeed when the time comes is: isn't it something that happens on its own, that belongs to the laws of instinct? Aren't we mammals? Consultant

Alba Padró

explains: "Breastfeeding is instinctive for babies but

not for mothers

. Babies who are born at term and without pathologies do so with a series of neonatal reflexes that allow them to breastfeed immediately. But mothers

need learn

. This happens with humans, orcas and great primates. We need to have observed how breastfeeding is done. If not, we are missing essential information: how to place the baby at the breast, how a baby behaves, in which cases it is necessary to ask for help, etc. Therefore, it is recommended that mothers take the opportunity to learn as much as possible about breastfeeding during pregnancy, because they will need it in the baby's first days. Since it is not an instinctive fact, we can feel lost or overwhelmed."

From this need for information and support,

LactApp

was born eight years ago , a mobile application founded by Alba and her partner, María Berruezo, who already consults

one in four

women in Spain. Some are well-known faces, such as Cristina Pedroche, Ariadne Artiles,

María Castro

,

Hiba Abouk

... In total, it has 800,000 users in 180 countries and the app has already received 21 million queries.

Guilt, an emotion that overwhelms frustrated breastfeeding

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Carmela Baeza is a doctor, works at the Centro Raíces

lactation clinic

and coordinator of Breastfeeding and Mental Health Training at the

European Institute of Perinatal Mental Health.

When a desired breastfeeding ends in frustration, "sadly the emotion most seen in mothers is guilt

,

" she explains. "There are women who abandon it when faced with simpler difficulties, but others

fight for months and months

against all odds. With cracks, with babies who do not gain weight, with mastitis... Whatever the case, it is never the mothers' fault but rather of the system, which neither helps nor accompanies them," says Baeza.

The consequences on the mother's mental health are called

depression

, postpartum depression, anxiety, difficulties bonding with the baby, etc. "They think that their child rejects them. In consultation we work to see that there are other alternatives to strengthen that bond, such as co-sleeping, massages, skin-to-skin... At the same time, we have to grieve

,

because that diet that they had thought about will no longer be "adds the expert.

"The

baby does not reject

, but accepts food because

it wants to survive.

You have to tell those mothers 'the baby is in love with you'. Maybe it has been

hungry for many days

and when it takes a bottle it does not want to breastfeed again. That romantic vision we have it in the chest, but they don't," he says. The path that remains, then, and on which they work at the Raíces Center, is that of acceptance of this pain and the search for a

diet enjoyed

by the mother and the baby.

• Maternity