March 26th 16:01 I wanted to tell everyone that there are good rides too.

Those were the words of a boy in the sixth grade of elementary school who had just finished his junior high school entrance exams.

The couple divorces “amicably.” While I was interviewing him wondering if such a thing really existed, he wrote down his thoughts.

``Rikon used to have a bad image, but it has changed. There are bad Rikons, but there are also good Rikons.''

I would like to convey the meaning behind these words as accurately as possible.

(Kotomi Fujime, Network News Department)

“We will have an amicable divorce.”

``March seems to be the month with the highest number of divorces of the year.''

I started reporting based on this statistical data, and I was at a trial session for an event called ``Divorce Ceremony'' held by couples aiming for an ``amicable divorce.'' I met a woman.

Chichi (46), who lives in Saitama Prefecture, came to the cafe where we were meeting after telling her that I wanted to hear the story in a calm place. She and her husband, 52, who have been married for 19 years, are ``amicably divorcing,'' she said with a smile.

They have three children, starting with their eldest son who is in the third year of high school, the eldest daughter who is in the first year of high school, and the second son who is in 6th grade. It is said that the children have come to terms with their parents' divorce and are supporting them as they embark on a new journey.

"Amicable divorce? Does that really happen? (No, it doesn't.)"

It may be rude to say this, but at that time, such thoughts were swirling in my mind. The word ``harmonious'' could not be associated with couples who were breaking up due to unresolvable problems and disagreements.

What's more, he is willing to do interviews on the extremely sensitive topic of divorce.

``Thank you, but I don't know what that means...''

From there, I decided to ask the family about their 8 years of amicable divorce.

As a wife and mother

Chichi got married when she was 28 years old. She met her husband at the company where she worked as an interpreter.

She went to the United States to attend university and lived there even after graduation, but returned to Japan when her father became ill.

She had no desire to get married, but her father, who had been diagnosed with cancer and was given a long life expectancy, said, ``I want to see her grandson's face, and I want to see her daughter as a bride,'' so he decided to marry her. It is said that he has decided.

And she had three children.

While her husband continued to work alone, she desperately tried to fulfill her role as a wife and mother.

“At that time, I think I admired the idea of ​​a ``Japanese wife.''

Although raising children was fulfilling, Chichi says that her life as a "full-time housewife" left her with no mental leeway.

"I was exhausted. I was so busy with what was right in front of me that I didn't have time to think about myself."

The pain I've swallowed

Meanwhile, a certain thought arises.

``I really want to connect with society and get a part-time job.''

When I told my girlfriend's husband, who is six years older than her, what he said back was unexpected.

``If you want to work part-time, I'll work another part-time job, so I want you to stay home.''

She had noticed the difference in values ​​for a long time. However, her husband sometimes accepted Chichi's ideas that were different from his own.

However, the gap grew little by little, and the pain I had swallowed each time gradually piled up in my heart.

Chichi's physical and mental health deteriorated, and she increasingly relied on drinking and smoking. Although

she

thought, ``She should get a divorce,'' it was financially difficult for her to remain a housewife, so she tried to become independent by working in a hospital office and trying to start a business, but none of them worked out. Could not.

Around this time, Chichi says, ``She was in a state of mental disarray.'' After ten years of marriage, she informed her husband of her intention to divorce.

“It was really disgusting.”

I visited his home on another day to hear about his family.

My husband, who lives outside the prefecture on his own, was away, so my second son, a sixth grader, was waiting for me at home with Chichi.

My second son has just finished his junior high school entrance exams, and we looked back at his family's history together while looking at family photos.

His parents started talking about divorce eight years ago. I was only 4 years old at the time, but I clearly remember how the two of us would get emotional over small things.

Chichi: `

`I don't think she knew the word divorce, but I could tell from watching them fight that mom and dad were a little out of sync.'' Second son: ``It was crazy.''

Chichi

: `

`

I was stressed out. It was like throwing things and getting angry. The kids were also fighting in the living room. Dad was just trying to hide it, and his older brother took him away and he evacuated. That happened a few times.''

Second Son

: ``I was crying. My sister was crying too, and my brother took the two of us to the room.''

Reporter

: ``We were fighting, even though we were little.'' Do you remember?''

Second son

: ``I remember. It really left an impression on me. Mom was crying on the balcony and holding her head, and I was screaming, ``Gah!'' and I was thinking, ``Stop it!'' It was so disgusting. .Mom, he's going to get violent.''

"If you love your partner, you can divorce. If you don't..."

Chichi says she was feeling desperate at the time.

Then one day, just before her birthday, her second daughter made this request to her.

``I don't need any presents, I just want my mom to quit smoking.''

From there, Chichi stopped smoking, stopped drinking, and started trying to change her life.

At that time, an American woman who consulted her about divorce said something to her.

She said, ``If she can truly love her partner, she can get divorced. If that's not the case, then you shouldn't get divorced.''

At that time, I didn't really understand what he meant, as it felt like the exact opposite of what I thought.

"But I wanted to understand those words. That may have been the biggest thing that kept me from getting divorced right away."

After that, Chichi gradually began to face herself.

I tried to face her husband properly and try to understand him, so I changed my mind about her.

Instead of blaming her partner or those around her for her dissatisfaction, she says she is now able to deal with it as an issue for herself.

Through repeated discussions, her relationship with her husband became more harmonious than before.

Her young second son was also watching.

Reporter

: ``Do you feel like mom and dad have changed?'' Second son: ``

Yes

. Mom doesn't yell at me anymore. She doesn't nudge me to do my homework anymore. Dad doesn't cause many fights anymore. Both of us have changed in a really good way. We don't fight anymore."

Chichi:

"We've stopped fighting, that's for sure."

Second son

: "Do you think something has changed for mom? Me and dad." Chichi:

"

Of course not for myself. I've been facing myself a lot. Has my dad...changed? I don't know. Maybe it's because my mom has changed."

Second son

: "Because I saw it. Dad changed when he saw mom."

Chichi:

"Does that mean he changed after seeing mom?"

Second son

: "Because he saw it.

Yes.''

Chichi

: ``...That's wonderful.''

Even if it is not within the framework of “couple”

So far, we have heard from Chichi's side, but there is one more person that we really need to interview.

He is Chichi's husband.

How has his husband dealt with Chichi and his family? And does she think it's an "amicable divorce" now?

When I applied for an interview, she spoke with me over the phone for about an hour and a half.

Her job requires a lot of transfers, both domestically and overseas, and she says she has spent a lot of time working alone because she was unable to bring her family with her due to company commitments and couldn't bear to transfer her children to another school. .

"I don't want to waste the efforts of the children who studied for entrance exams and passed. I don't want Chichi or the children to be stopped from doing what they want to do for their own reasons."

I often go camping or skiing with my children during long holidays, or come alone to play at my place of work.

As a father and an elder in life, he told me that he tries to give advice that is appropriate for the age at the time.

I usually communicate with the children through LINE messages, and I tell them to contact me anytime if they have any questions.

``I usually get a call saying, ``I'm in a financial pinch this month, and I'd like some help.'' (laughs) I've told them to make ends meet between my part-time job and my allowance, so when they say they're in a pinch, I don't bother asking why. I'm telling people not to try to get paid for something like that, but to be honest."

When I meet with children, I have one thing in mind.

"I try not to say anything bad about my wife. If I say nice things when we're together as a family, but if I say bad things to my children, I think they'll get confused. When my children complain about my mother, I'll say, 'Here's what I do.' It's okay to vent your feelings, but if you can't get over it, you should communicate with your mom properly.''I have

different ideas than her, but I trust her. She is the one who lives with my children and is raising them, so as a father, I try to talk about things from a slightly more distant perspective."

I also asked about divorce.

``When I was asked to divorce, I was surprised.However, as we talked many times, I gradually came to understand what my wife was thinking.Our relationship has improved and we are now ``harmonious.'' There are times when I feel like we don't have to get divorced, and there were some conflicts, but I don't think our relationship with our children will change. We only live once, so I want her to live the life she wants to

live. I want to support her.If divorce will make her happy, I would like to support her as a 'friend' rather than a 'husband and wife.'

“If you don’t have that, it’s fine.”

Let's go back to Chichi's story.

While preparing for divorce, the thing I worried about most was my children. Her

heart ached as she thought, ``I was afraid

that I would be depriving my children of their father.''

On the other hand, when I talked with my children, I realized that their biggest worry was that if they got divorced, they would never be able to see their father again.

``If you don't have that, then it's fine.''

Hearing that, I realized that if I could see my father, who often lived apart, as often as before, I wouldn't be depriving my child of his father. is completed.

What is best for the children? What is the best choice for both her husband and me? Even after we decided to divorce, I continued to face my husband and have discussions.

My business as an English conversation coach, which I had started as an English conversation coach, was on track, and although I was determined to divorce, I did not rush the timing.

Before I knew it, eight years had passed.

I have come to understand the meaning of the phrase, ``I

will not divorce my partner until I truly love him.''

“There are some good ones too.”

During the interview period, I asked Chichi many times, almost to the point of insistence.

``Are you sure you're okay with the interview?'' ``What does your husband say?'' ``Aren't your children reluctant?'' It is important for

mothers to meet the children directly and be interviewed on the topic of divorce. , I explained that it would be broadcast and written into an article, and asked, ``Are you sure?''

I think the reason I checked this many times was because I myself had a negative image of divorce.

My second son, a 6th grader, who spoke to me this time said, ``I also want to express my opinion.''

When I once told a friend at school, ``My parents do drug music,'' they responded, ``Me too,'' or ``We do it too.''

When I talked to them, they realized that each family's circumstances are different, and that ``everyone's family structure and divorce situation is different.''

In the letter I introduced at the beginning of this article, he wrote his thoughts about why he wanted to be interviewed.

``I wanted to tell everyone about the good ride. I had a bad impression of Rikon, but after seeing our family's Rikon, my image changed to a better one. There are bad rides, but there are also good rides. It's better to get in as soon as possible. I don't want you to lie and not come in.''

Friday, March 22nd

Chichi and her husband were present at my second son's elementary school graduation ceremony.

The school gate was bustling with graduates and parents dressed in colorful hakama and suits. The three of them were a bit reserved, but with bright smiles, they posed for a commemorative photo.

Is there really such a thing as an “amicable divorce”?

If I were to give some kind of answer to the question that was the starting point for this interview, it would not be ``I divorced because it was amicable,'' or ``I would divorce even though it was amicable,'' but ``I didn't divorce until it was amicable.'' This is what it feels like to be interviewed.

An ``amicable divorce'' may be the result of a couple facing each other over the years, regardless of what is best for the children.

I sincerely hope that each of you will be happy as you make a new start in your life this spring.

Finally, we have summarized the latest data surrounding divorce.

March is the month with the highest number of divorces

Number of divorce notifications filed each month over the past year.

While in other months the numbers ranged from 14,312 to 16,606 couples, the number in March was significantly higher at 21,239 couples.

Looking back at past data, since at least 2000, March has been the month with the highest number of deaths, and this trend has continued.

Why are there so many divorce filings in March?

Experts familiar with issues surrounding marriage and divorce point out that this is because many people choose to divorce when their children graduate or go on to higher education, or when the individual changes jobs.

Kaoru Amano, Senior Population Dynamics Researcher at Nissay Research Institute

: ``March is right before the new school year, and people get divorced when their children go to higher education in April, such as changing their surname or transferring schools. There are also a certain number of people who get divorced at the same time as they gain financial strength and change jobs.It is thought that there are people who choose March as a break for the new fiscal year.''

Number of divorces increases for the first time since 5 years ago

According to preliminary figures, the number of divorces in 2023 was 187,798 couples.

It was found that the number of couples increased by 4,695, or 2.6%, compared to 2022, the first increase since 2019, five years ago.

The number of divorces has been on the decline since 1899, when the government began keeping statistics, peaking at around 290,000 couples in 2002.

Looking at the data for the past five years, in 2020, when the new coronavirus infection spread, there were 193,253 couples, which was a significant decrease from the previous year to 15,243 couples, and since then it has continued to decrease, and last year was the lowest in 5 years. started to increase.

The reasons behind this change include changes in the way couples behave and women's economic independence.

Kaoru Amano, Nissay Research Institute

: ``As the number of marriages has decreased significantly, the number of divorces has also decreased, but the ratio of divorces to the number of marriages has been increasing, and in the last 10 years or so, it has reached 35%. This is due to the fact that values ​​regarding how couples should be together have changed significantly after the bursting of the bubble economy, and progress has been made in improving childcare leave laws and promoting the active participation of women, making it possible for women to become financially independent. I

think that divorce should never be seen only in a negative way.I think that divorce is an opportunity for new personal growth, so for the sake of your future, you should consider divorce. I would like you to face the reason, accept it positively, and restart."

(Scheduled to be broadcast on NHK Radio 1 “N Raji” (7:00 p.m.) on March 29th (Friday))

Network News Department Reporter

Kotomi Fujime Joined

in 2008

After working in the Tokushima Bureau and Social Affairs Department, now in current position

Married 7 years ago