Are you sure you don't need couples therapy? "Before we stayed silent about certain things, but now we talk about everything and have fewer conflicts"

• Current events Toxic dynamics, jealousy, control, lack of respect... Why you should not watch (or of course copy) the relationship between Andrea and Álvaro, from Temptation Island

• Psycho About Shakira and Piqué: "Not speaking badly about your ex is essential in any separation"

• Lifestyle Ghosting, honey mooning and other toxic practices that can lock you in a cycle of emotional abuse

Couples therapies, once veiled by a certain secrecy and even seasoned by shame, have begun to leave the shadows while mental health is placed at the epicenter of conversations. Pop culture has contributed to this exposure: from the mini series 'State of the Union', which delves into the sessions of a couple in trouble and what happens before and after each meeting, to 'The Ferragnez', where Chiara Ferragni and Fedez open the doors of their couples therapy sessions to us; attempts to resolve relational conflicts with a professional have

come out of the closet

thanks to the small screen.

Precisely with the purpose of demystifying mental health care and prevention through psychological therapy,

'Couples Therapy'

was born , a documentary by Gaizka Urresti that, over the course of two years, closely follows

scientific research

on the impact that therapy has on couples and the individuals who make it up by accompanying

five real couples

who received therapy for six months to meet again. The musicians

Marwan and Rozalén

contribute, as luxury ambassadors of this work, reflections and personal anecdotes that serve as an introduction to the couples participating in the therapy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy

"We know that people who agree to see the documentary will be more likely to seek advice from their family doctor, because they will have been offered a model solution," says Elisa Múgica, producer and screenwriter of the documentary and one of the psychologists who They accompany the protagonist couples in their therapy, which wants the film to function as a "prescriber" of mental health.

With the aim of restoring attachment and security in couple relationships, Emotionally Focused Therapy, created by Sue Johnson in the 1980s, is a therapy model that has been shown to have a 70% success rate compared to 30%. of the usual ones, which tend to be behavioral. "This finding is very important and shocking, because couples therapies are usually related to reaching agreements and addressing the issue of conflict, and a mediator is needed to help make agreements about relationships and make a more empathetic connection. However, before resolving issues of discussion, a

deep and secure connection

must be made to strengthen the foundation of the relationship.

The connection and bond that will sustain the strength of the couple must be there, and it is launched from the deep emotional experience that Emotionally Focused Therapy explores. It is important to feel that in moments of difficulty and vulnerability in life, we find in our partner someone who understands and accepts us with everything we are," Múgica explains to

YO DONA

.

D.R.

In the documentary we observe the way in which Emotionally Focused Therapy, based on communication between the therapist and the couple, finds in the mental health professional the compass to navigate emotions. To learn more about their results, we contacted one of the couples in the documentary, David and Rosi, a 50-year-old couple whose relationship was characterized by the

absence of fights

, but also by unexpressed needs. "We are a couple of unconscious people. He was making dinner and I had found in an article the link to fill out the form to participate in this experience. We both had the director's reference and we filled it out. He went back into the kitchen, but I sent him, so I went ahead and he had to do it later," Rosi says, laughing. "We found it interesting, although the first thing we thought was that

we are a very normal couple

. We didn't have any striking relationship problems," David clarifies.

However, the experience has strengthened their relationship and helped them discover many things about each of them. "We have realized the importance of

dialogue

. Before we stayed silent about certain things, but now we talk about everything more and we have much fewer conflicts," he says. It was when watching the documentary that Rosa realized the darkness in which she was immersed at the time. "I was not aware of

how broken I was

due to the accumulation of family grief, work issues..." she adds. "My feeling was darkness; I was in a sad internal blockage. I didn't feel like sharing anything, but it wasn't something personal, but because of that darkness, and without a doubt I needed someone to lend me a hand," explains Rosi. That hand came from the hand of therapy.

"Women have been allowed to express emotions in a more open way, but since we have not had that 'partner' to listen to us, that need is sometimes transmitted in an anxious way. It seems that we have an anxious profile, of the pursuer who demands and does so in an agitated manner, while the man's profile is usually that of the avoidant, who assures that nothing is really happening. The case of Rosi and David is that of a very normative couple. They already had a

certain apathy

and They had lost some part of the connection. Rosi is a person with many emotions who found in his partner a profile who did not know how to respond ("I didn't know whether to give him a hug or let him be," David confesses to YO DONA), and At the same time, I was feeling things that

I didn't express

. Men's emotions have been hidden, their fear and insecurity have not been allowed to emerge under that shell. They want to live up to it, and that myth that men

don't cry

It has hurt them much more than it has hurt us," says Elisa Múgica.

The power to unlock emotions

Marwan, Gaizka Urresti, Elisa Múgica and Rozalen, at the premiere of 'Couples Therapy'Gtres

Led by

Martiño Rodríguez

, this international research, launched by the Culture and Society Institute of the University of Navarra in collaboration with Brigham Young University, has discovered that

men are more avoidant

. "However, if you dig into their emotions, you get to the part where they discover that they are scared of not measuring up to the women they love. It is being seen that when you help avoidant profiles start to notice their emotions in the body, begin to unblock, and those who undergo this work as a couple become more emotionally close people," says Múgica, who highlights the way in which with this therapy, anxiety symptoms tend to subside among women. or depression, while those with an avoidant profile improve their communication and show greater confidence when talking about their emotions.

"When a woman, who loves her partner, demands that preferred place and feels loved, but finds that she has someone with an avoidant profile in front of her, the situation generates a lot of emotional stress, which joins the stress of life. For That is why this therapy helps so much, because it helps unblock those avoidant profiles. I think that women, from a cultural level in which we find ourselves with fewer privileges, have had to work harder. Thanks to this, we have achieved great growth ", and in consultation I meet wonderful women who cannot find a partner because the men they know have not

observed or challenged themselves

. They must be facilitated in this work that allows them to connect with themselves," she explains.

Science supports the fact that couples therapy significantly improves relationships and women's mental health, and Rosi and David do not hesitate to recommend people do it. "I fervently recommend going to couples therapy, because they will really open up. Knowing the inside of your partner is difficult if there is no one to help you. Sometimes it is enough for the therapist to say a simple word, recommend that you say something to your partner, ask you what you feel at that specific moment... It

opens your soul

and you really get to know your partner," says David.

Rosi adds that therapy has not only improved their relationship as a couple, but also the relationship they both have with their children. "In my case, I have managed to understand certain behaviors, I have reconciled with many things and

I have forgiven myself for

certain aspects that I did not allow myself to let go. I have been able to see myself reflected in my little son and tell him that I understand him, that I have gone through something similar and that we are going to go together hand in hand. It is something so amazing... It is a giant lottery to have had this opportunity," she says excitedly.

Martiño Rodríguez, researcher at the Institute of Culture and Society of the University of Navarra, explains that the preliminary data of the study indicate that the therapy model focused on emotions improves the daily adjustment of couples. "The treatment group significantly improves its degree of adjustment with respect to the pre-treatment measures and also when we compare it with the control group. In addition, the treatment causes men to report greater

secure attachment

. Specifically, we have seen that the degree of avoidant attachment in men and that increases their accessibility and involvement," he says.

Too late?

D.R.

When we ask

Elisa Múgica

when it is appropriate to go to couples therapy, she delves into the importance of prevention and betting on positive communication to put the focus on ourselves, instead of on the couple. She recognizes that in most cases, in consultation she encounters couples who arrive too late to seek help. "From the beginning, from childhood, we would have to do

prevention

work , and in early stages, make some interventions at an emotional level so that people can feel their emotional experiences and learn to verbalize them. Unfortunately, we start late: in a society Ideally, it would have a structure in which we would educate ourselves on emotions, we would go less to the psychologist, who we have to go to when, in a reasonable amount of time, a situation that causes us discomfort and whose solution we cannot find is repeated," says Múgica.

"As we said, one of the objectives of this documentary is to be a prescriber of mental health. We must raise more preventive awareness of mental health and intervene as early as possible. As a couple, if I repeat a topic over and over again, we discuss always for the same thing and we

disrespect each

other cyclically, we have to go to therapy. If, for example, once a month we argue with

a certain amount of violence

, which makes me feel damaged and the relationship begins to be a place in which we cannot "I'm sure it's time to seek help. We don't have to wait until the damage is so deep," she says.

"In consultation I meet couples who come with a very long history of problems. If you are burned out, the possibility of improving or maintaining a relationship depends on how burned out you are. There are times when I see couples who make me think that

if they had come three years Before

, everything would have been different, because they both loved each other and wanted to maintain the relationship. However, not knowing how to do so wears out the relationship and coexistence, because if you do not have the necessary tools to start healthy communication, there comes a point where that cannot be repaired," he warns.

The closing of the documentary is accompanied by Marwan's song

'We thought love was just a party'

, and what 'Couples Therapy' shows is that although not everything is confetti and toasts in this celebration, so that the music plays Always, the fundamental thing is to talk, share emotions and prevent damage. Love can be a party, but it is certainly not an easy party to keep up.

• Couples

• Psychology