``It's no good if I quit'' Thoughts on my hometown written in my diary February 14th 19:25

A notebook shown to me by a woman who runs a bookstore that connects people in the community.

The familiar scenery of the city, the smiles of regular customers, and the peaceful days that I was used to all changed that day.

There were mornings when I dreamed that

there was no earthquake and returned to reality.

You may also receive positive feelings from the words of people who care about you.

Her diary, written by a woman, describes her daily changing emotions and determination to rebuild.

(Reporter Yuki Wakabayashi, Social Affairs Department)

Born the daughter of a long-established bookstore

The person who showed me the diary was Makiko Mizukoshi (52), who lives in Anamizu Town, Ishikawa Prefecture.

She was born in this town as the daughter of Mizukoshi Shoten, which has been in business since the Taisho era.

The bookstore that her parents and grandparents had cherished for generations was a place of pride.

When Mizukoshi was in elementary school, magazines and manga were selling like hotcakes.

A large number of customers visited the store on the day it went on sale, and it is said that on their way home from school, they squeezed their way through the crowd to get inside.

Makiko Mizukoshi

: ``Books sold well at bookstores around this time.My father was kind and considerate of children, and he had many educational magazines in the corner for elementary school students.''

After graduating from high school, I moved to Tokyo, attended junior college, and worked in Tokyo, but then returned to Anamizu Town and took over the family business eight years ago.

As book sales have declined, he is no longer as busy as he once was, but he still spends a peaceful life delivering books to his regular customers and selling textbooks for local children.

The bookstore has been loved by the people of the town for generations, and Mr. Mizukoshi was in charge of selling all the textbooks for Anamizu Town's elementary, junior high, and high schools.

Lives taken away by violent shaking

Those days changed completely due to the earthquake.

That day, Mizukoshi was resting in the living room of her home with her 80-year-old mother, her sister, and nephew.

Just as I was preparing to prepare dinner, including my nephew's favorite dish, sukiyaki, and the local dish, ``kaburazushi,'' the house was hit by the most violent shaking I've ever experienced.

I immediately hid under the desk, but the shaking did not subside; in fact, it gradually got stronger. When I looked up, the ceiling was making noises, but I was struggling to hold on.

``If this falls, I won't die!''

As I was thinking to myself, the long shaking finally subsided, and when I looked out the window, I saw that the Mizukoshi Bookstore, which was adjacent to my house and had been popular for over 100 years, had collapsed, and it was in the middle of the shopping street. It was blocking the road.

All the family members were safe, but their home was completely destroyed, and Mizukoshi and his family evacuated to a local community center.

At the evacuation center, there were many people like Mr. Mizukoshi who had lost their homes.

As the water outage continued for an extended period of time and life continued with an uncertain future, Mr. Mizukoshi gradually became depressed.

On the other hand, I felt grateful and encouraged by the hard work of the office staff and volunteers.

Ten days after the earthquake, Mizukoshi decided to write a diary to record her daily events and feelings.

"I don't even know what day of the week it is."

I didn't have a notebook at the evacuation center, so I wrote my first diary on a tablet.

At the beginning of his diary, he says, ``I don't even know what day of the week it is today.''

Although she tried the gymnastics that were being held at the evacuation center, she was beginning to feel tired from life in the evacuation center, saying, ``I felt really heavy.''

Makiko Mizukoshi: ``

When I worked at a bookstore, I was conscious of the days of the week based on when books and magazines would be delivered, such as Jump on Mondays, Bunshun and Shincho on Fridays, and Fridays on Saturdays. As a result, I felt that these feelings had disappeared."

I also recorded in my diary an interaction I had with a woman who happened to live next door when I returned to clean up my house.

She parted ways with the woman, telling her, ``You can't be happy anywhere,'' but she says she can't forget the ``tense tears that made her feel sad.'' she wrote.

Thoughts about my hometown written in a notebook

On January 13th, Mr. Mizukoshi left Anamizu Town due to concerns about his elderly mother's health.

She moved to a hotel in the 2nd evacuation center via the 1.5th evacuation center in Kanazawa City, and finally bought a notebook on the 19th.

``Tomorrow I'll go to the coin laundry and do some laundry.'' ``

How are the people in Anamizu doing? Are they doing radio exercise? To those who have given me so much energy, I hope they can spend some time in peace.''

While I felt a sense of security living in the hotel, there were times when I couldn't control my irrational thoughts about the earthquake and overflowed.

"I want my store, my house, and my peaceful life back. This is such a terrible earthquake. Why did I put myself through this? Earthquake" (Jan. 21 diary)

“It’s like a dream come true.”

One day, Mizukoshi had a strange dream.

"In my dream, I said to my mother, ``It's not like I'm dreaming, but the store seems to be doing okay and is going to fix it.'' (Jan. 25 diary)

What I saw in my dream was a peaceful daily scene in which the librarian at my school came to order books.

However, when he woke up, he was brought back to the reality that he had lost his home and bookstore.

``Dreams tell me dream-like stories and images of me being very happy.If that's the case, how much better would it be if it actually happened?In reality, I was robbed, I had nothing, and I was living my life with no emotions.'' I have to do it.'' (Diary of January 25th)

Mr. Mizukoshi reflected on his feelings at the time as follows:

Makiko Mizukoshi

: ``I really understood how the victims of the disaster were mentally exhausted in this way.It was a very painful dream.''

"I can't live alone"

As the evacuation life continued to be uncertain and uncertain, she wrote in her diary her candid feelings about how she felt the support of so many people around her.

"(Government officials) are kind and considerate of the next place to stay (as an evacuation center). I'm really grateful. They're always kind. The people of Kanazawa are also supporting the people of Noto. ” (Diary of January 26th)

"People can't live alone, and I realize that I haven't lived alone. I realize that we've lived by supporting each other." (Jan. 28 diary)

On January 29th, Mizukoshi returned to Anamizu Town for the first time in about two weeks.

When I apologized to the person in charge of the town's board of education, saying that I would not be able to sell textbooks this year, the person in charge said, ``It's good that Maki-chan came here, so please take care of yourself.'' It seems that he gave it to me.

Furthermore, the textbook sales company and bookstores in other towns that we had been working with will now be responsible for inspecting Anamizu's textbooks and sorting them by student.

A man from a textbook sales company said this to Mizukoshi.

A man at a textbook sales company said

, ``You can do it again next year. When things calm down around March, you can get a part-time job.''

He felt that while he was gone, Anamizu Town was slowly moving towards recovery.

Makiko Mizukoshi

: ``When he called out to me, I felt how warm his words were.When the earthquake happened, I was thinking of closing the shop, but I thought about the people who supported me and the children.'' My feelings have changed.”

"There are no words when I think of the people who died and their families."

On the other hand, in his diary he also expressed his feelings for the people who died in the earthquake and their families.

"Today marks one month since the earthquake. I watch each month on TV, etc. When I think of the people who died and see their families, I have no words to say." (Diary of February 1st)

Among the victims, Mizukoshi occasionally exchanged greetings, and in the past, there were some to whom he delivered books every month.

Makiko Mizukoshi:

``Sometimes my heart hurts as I face the harsh reality.Even now, we sometimes check to make sure each other is safe and breathe a sigh of relief.We will continue to spend our lives thinking of those who lost their lives.'' I want to go.”

Determined to move forward little by little ``I want to repay this kindness someday''

At the end of the interview, I asked Mr. Mizukoshi if he plans to continue writing in his diary.

Makiko Mizukoshi:

``I would like to write.After the earthquake occurred, I started to think about how I want to live my life more carefully from now on.''What made me realize this was my ``diary.'' I'm still worried about things like rebuilding my shop and home, but I'm going to clear my head while writing in my diary and get through it.''

Mr. Mizukoshi's diary contains words of determination.

``I feel lucky to have so many people who support me.And I definitely want to repay this kindness someday.The road to that day is long, and I may never be able to repay them, but for now, I'm looking forward, accepting reality, and trying my best.'' I thought about it.'' (Diary of January 31st)

Expert: “Diary records extremely valuable”

A diary in which Mr. Mizukoshi frankly writes about daily events and his thoughts.

After receiving permission, we asked Professor Tsuneyuki Abe (psychology) of Tohoku University Graduate School, who researches the emotional state of disaster victims, to conduct an analysis.

Professor Abe divided the words written into five categories, such as ``negative emotions,'' ``positive emotions,'' and ``simple daily life,'' and counted the number of words to examine changes in emotions.

The first thing I noticed was that words such as ``sad'' and ``negative emotions/dissatisfaction'' were consistently written.

Although it may seem like a negative behavior, he points out that it is very important for stabilizing one's feelings.

By expressing your emotions in words, you can organize your thoughts and reduce stress.

Also, from the second half of January, the number of words related to ``positive emotions/intentions'' increased rapidly, and when ``helping/compassion'' and ``gratitude'' were included, the number was approximately three times that of ``negative emotions/dissatisfaction.'' .

Professor Abe says that the trigger was an incident in Anamizu Town written in his diary on January 29th.

Professor Tsuneyuki Abe, Graduate School of Tohoku University

: ``After interacting with local people for the first time in a long time and being able to see things in a positive light, there was a sudden increase in positive words and actions.The reason for writing in a diary is to record it while the memory is still fresh. This diary is highly accurate and is extremely valuable in terms of gauging the emotions of those affected by the disaster.''

*All entries in the diary in the text are as in Mr. Mizukoshi's original text, except for those added in parentheses.

(Broadcast on “News Watch 9” on January 31st)

Social Affairs Department Reporter

Yuki Wakabayashi

Joined the department in 2012. Initially

assigned to the Kagoshima Bureau Metropolitan Police Department, then in charge of disasters from 2020.