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All ready, and predisposed, to surrender to love on the most

romantic

night of the year. When you have a partner, budding or not,

Valentine's Day

is an important date on the calendar and the signs that we are willing to open ourselves to passion and live an unforgettable date are clear.

But what happens if things don't end as you expected? The higher the

expectations

, the easier it is for them to collapse in one fell swoop and for the date to end in shipwreck, especially when there is already a way of entry of water into the boat of that relationship, sometimes even so small that there is gone unnoticed. "The chances of a romantic

encounter

ending in tragedy depend a lot on how the couple gets to that moment, on what they are dragging along. Valentine's Day is not a magical night where all problems can be solved by magic

,

but it is a excellent opportunity to connect with my partner and have quality time," says

Sebastián Girona,

a psychologist specialized in relationships and couples.

Fundamental to avoid getting scalded and choking on the chocolates, the

context

, as the expert says. And here we come to the question: What if we don't see it coming? "We must pay attention to what has been happening in the previous weeks," responds Girona, and with that in mind, plan the

appointment

while being clear about the topics that we need

to avoid

; You know, in every couple there are issues that are better not to touch on. "Valentine's Day is not the time to put on the table the conflicts we have been having, we are not going to

resolve

them that night. In that sense, on the contrary, it can mean a

truce

when the couple is not going through their best moment," he points out. the psychologist. The first thing is to "understand the night as a time for

celebration

, not for discussion; tomorrow we will return to the problems, but today we will try to connect and have a nice moment that will do good for the relationship."

If Cupid's arrows

still

don't hit the target and we end up

arguing

, before dessert arrives, hesitate. Is this a passing storm or an unmistakable sign that we must abandon the nest like a little bird from 'First Dates'? Again, the context,

Girona

points out : "If it is an isolated dispute, it may simply respond to a bad moment on the part of one of the two, but if it is one more of many others, it indicates a serious and complex

problem

." And this, adds the expert, will become older and more difficult to solve, "because it will become entrenched within the relationship." Specifically, it is one of the

clues

that allows us to recognize when we should start different paths. The others, "the lack of dialogue; doing more and more activities separately, which leads us to have fewer things in common and therefore few

projects

over time and, most importantly, feeling alone within the relationship and that the another is oblivious to what is going on in our heads," says the psychologist.

SHUTTERSTOCK

When Valentine's Day gets out of hand

In any case, when no matter how good

the intention

is to celebrate the night, the fight arrives before dessert, good news: "

Fighting

is not a bad thing, what happens is that we must

learn

to do it," says Sebastián

Girona

. We must focus, therefore, on the 'how' we discuss. And know the

tools

that will allow us to turn the

situation

around so that everything ends as it should. They are the ones he lists below.

  • Choose your battles.

    Not all fights have the same value, do not get involved in conflicts that have no solution. And don't take the opportunity to deploy all the artillery; the topics, one by one, from most to least important, and tonight the first one is enough.

  • Assertive language.

    Even if it has gotten out of hand, try to stay calm and tell the other person what is happening to you in the best way possible and without shouting.

  • Avoid criticism.

    To the extent possible, we should reformulate complaints so that they fall on the action, not on the person. You have to show how you feel, but without criticizing the other, because in that case they will always seek to defend themselves.

  • A shot of humor.

    It is a very useful resource to redirect the situation when the tone has been raised too much. Look for something funny like "the daily wet towel collection service runs here."

  • Step on the brake.

    When the conflict escalates without remedy, the best thing is to hug the other and feel them close; It won't solve the problem, but it will help keep it from getting out of hand.

  • Body language.

    Avoid sighing or rolling your eyes upward, because the other person may interpret this as a gesture of contempt.

  • Always face to face.

    And just like that. You have to try to solve the discussion so that it stays there; In any case, we should not continue it later by WhatsApp or telephone.

  • Ask for forgiveness.

    If you think you have done or said something that may have hurt the other person, ask for their sincere forgiveness. In a couple's fight there are no winners or losers, normally each one is a little right; The objective is to listen to the other and evolve together.

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