How to never write an email if you don't want your prestige to deteriorate
101 phrases of very direct hints for those who have failed you
We have all had one on a date and anyone who says no is lying. It's not always us, sometimes they come from the other person and, although they don't always become a 'red flag' that forces us to get up and leave, the truth is that there are others that are worthy of note. I'm talking about the
'earth, swallow me',
those
uncomfortable situations
on a
date
- not necessarily on the first one, but when you still don't have trust with the other person - that at that moment the only thing that generates us is the desire to run away or , directly, disappear instantly like a lump of cocoa in milk.
In the summer, Marcos (30) wanted the earth to open up, when he insisted on where it wasn't: "We were at a party with some friends and I was flirting with one of the guys there. The fooling around was very obvious, but the friend with The person I was with told me that the other one
was very married
and that I had nothing to do there. And I, since the other one was alone,
continued with the fooling around,
come on, I'll hit you. That's where the thing stayed and at the next party where we met , the bullshit continued, and there I found out that my friend, the one who had accompanied me and listened to everything, was his partner. And it was
my 'earth, swallow me' moment:
"What outrageous thing would I have said in front of this person without knowing that the other was his partner?"
The body screams (and warns)
But not everything depends on
clumsiness,
luck or context. Sometimes our body also screams at us, no matter how much we want a date. Daniela, 32, usually has quite a few throughout the month, almost all of them from flirting apps. One of them tells us from last year's end: "I'm not
allergic
or
intolerant
, but
cheese
makes me
very gassy.
The worst thing is that I love it, so I only deprive myself when I'm going to be with more people, but on that third date with A boy that I was loving actually ordered a
cheese board
as a starter. I was wearing a very tight
dress
and I could see how my belly was getting bigger. I wasn't planning on sleeping with him that night, but he asked me and I really wanted to, so I didn't think about my
stomach problem
when I said yes."
"It was the second time we went to bed and slept in the same bed, so we had little confidence. I spent the whole night squeezing my stomach so that not a single gas would escape. That was unbearable to endure. Result? I didn't sleep absolutely nothing all night. Still, something slipped out. He woke up in the early hours of the morning and asked me if I was okay and I told him I was just 'up late'. I've never wanted the alarm to go off so much so I could get out of bed. a room and go to work or anywhere outdoors and desert...".
Naturalness, key to succeeding
These are things that happen, right? And that's what makes us different from each other, the way we deal with these scenarios. According to
Núria Jorba,
an expert psychologist in relationships, the key is in
naturalness
: "One of the mistakes we make in these types of
situations
is to pretend that
nothing has happened.
If a fart has occurred, we look the other way, if He has let out a burp, we act as if we had not heard it. This avoidance is not necessary nor is it healthy to the extreme, there are people who make too much fun of themselves and end up making the other person feel bad by putting them in an uncomfortable situation. What "What we have to do is normalize it.
Laugh as it happens,
comment on it. It can happen to all of us."
But sometimes the above is impossible, because the truth is that there is no time. María (35) from Santander tells it with a laugh: "I finally dared to talk to my platonic love from university in a legendary bar where we always met up with old colleagues. We were already older, so I took the plunge. Waiting for so long and I I get such cramps that I have to go home fast. He chased me saying, 'Where are you going?' and me shouting, without looking back 'I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving'."
Rigo also had to run away in the middle of
Covid
when she found out that she could be infected in the middle of a date: "He
lived with his mother
and was very careful choosing the people he saw, in the middle of the
wave of infections.
I was unemployed and the truth is that she didn't meet many people either, so she agreed to let us meet. In the
middle of the appointment,
my sister called me to tell me that she and my brother-in-law had tested positive. So I had to be honest with tremendous urgency , after the stress that he had told me that he had, and confessing that I had to leave because I had been with them the day before. It was super uncomfortable, he was super tense... He accompanied me to the pharmacy and I put on the mask, what what was I going to do? We never saw each other again."
We keep lying, even though they continually catch us
There will always be
mistakes,
but we still want to take risks. Or rather, things happen to us. According to a study by GlobalWebIndex, 91 million users use dating applications, of which 62% are men and 38% women. According to the aforementioned study, the latter are more distrustful when it comes to having a blind date for fear that it will become a dangerous
or
uncomfortable
encounter
.
The truth is that, once there, these situations can trigger instant smoke bombs, like the one Adriana (38) did a few years ago, when she discovered that the person she had been talking to for weeks had nothing to do with the who showed up for the appointment: "Not only did he have nothing to do with it, but he
suffered from dwarfism. I have nothing against
that, but in the photos... I don't know if he went on sites that made him look taller, but he looked at least five feet six inches tall. And it was something he wanted to be seen. I'm not a tall person, but that
left me in shock
, what less than
being honest
and then letting everyone decide? I was. waiting in the Plaza del Sol and when he greeted me I thought he was a person who wanted to ask me about a location or sell me something. My face was a poem when he introduced himself, but the truth is that he should have lost his mind for lie to me."
54% of people who use dating apps have given and/or shown an
improved version of themselves
to the other person to get a date. And, according to research published by Ok Cupid,
men usually add five centimeters in height
on this type of platform, which confirms the disenchantment of Adriana's story... Although in her case they did not stay at five .
When you become the date's loudmouth
It's your first meeting since you first spoke on the dating app almost a month ago. You are expectant, nervous perhaps, you want to show that you are someone interesting to know, so you appear confident throughout the conversation. The other asks you a mythical question: "Have you met many people through the app?" And Cristina, who had been emotionally exhausted for weeks, answered as best she could: "I had had a previous failed date - after a few others - where, after half an hour of talking without much feeling, the boy confessed to me that that same week
he had diagnosed with cancer.
I got out of there as best I could. Apart from the fact that I wasn't liking it, I didn't understand the confession." So when Mario, his new date, asked Cristina how their last meetings had been, he told her that anecdote and added, now laughing: "It's as if you were telling me now, with how well we are, that
your mother "He died
last week. It wouldn't make sense." His face changed, "and I understood that the boy had just buried her mother. My vision was blurred, I just wanted to get out of there."
Matías (33), who is a regular on Grindr, was clear that he was not the one who was ruining his British date: "I met a guy at some wineries in Plaza de Conde Duque, in Madrid. He was a British man who had come to Madrid with an English teacher program. It was late July or early August, in the disgusting heat of Madrid. I always use a fan, for me it is a supernatural accessory to carry in my bag at that time. We were in the wineries and It was incredibly hot, so I
took out the fan
and began to get some air. Then he asked me: "What are you doing, why do you have a fan? I told him that I was hot and that if he wasn't aware that we were in Madrid. He answered me: "But isn't the fan for women?
I see you so effeminate
using it...". We were talking and clearly it had not been a match, I cannot imagine having to justify the use of an object that has been created to combat the heat and in the middle of August in Madrid, regardless of who uses it. So 'ciao.'" And thank goodness, really. I'm sure he remembered that fan in the rest of the Madrid summers.
In this sense, Jorba also alludes to the difference between a
specific error
that becomes an anecdote and a
full-blown red flag
that we do not have to put up with or minimize: "Imagine that the other person makes an unpleasant comment or has an inappropriate attitude." with a waiter, for example, and that makes us think: 'Earth, swallow me'. There we would have to assess if that person really fits us. In consultation I see
couples
who come after a few years and
complain about things
that they
They didn't give importance
on the first day, but they were already on the table. There are times when we want to meet someone or start a relationship, when they meet one of the conditions we are looking for, we relativize the rest, and that is also a problem. mistake. Because it is giving us
valuable information."
In short, if it falls within our canons, whatever they may be, laughter will always be our best weapon, because it will leave others without a response. And if there is no way to fit it, the exit door is always closer than it seems.
couple relationships