Last year, Zhizhi and her husband went back to their respective homes to celebrate the New Year, and both parties were quite satisfied.
Mom’s family or husband’s family, whose home will you go to during the Chinese New Year?
Some couples choose to "return to their own homes." Experts: Couples should communicate sincerely and handle differences properly
The Spring Festival is approaching. At this time of year, many couples are faced with the decision of "whose home will they spend the New Year at?". There are also different opinions and discussions on the Internet about whether to go back to your husband's house during the New Year or to go back to your parents' house. So, is there a solution that satisfies both parties? The reporter learned that in some families where the husband's family and the mother's family are far apart, the husband and wife will now choose to "go back to their own homes" to celebrate the New Year.
Zhizhi, a citizen who has implemented this program, said that last year she and her husband went back to their respective homes to celebrate the New Year. Everyone met old friends they wanted to see and ate delicious food from their hometown. "When we get together again, we feel that we are full of energy, so this year we propose to continue celebrating the New Year separately." In this regard, some marriage counseling experts said that when couples in different places face the problem of "whose home should they go to for the New Year?" they should always put their relationship first. First of all, returning home during the Chinese New Year should be based on convenience and comfort. You should not put too much emphasis on "whose home you must return to" to avoid the fatigue of the journey and family pressure.
Text/Guangzhou Daily reporter Zhou Weiliang, intern Xie Juntu/provided by interviewee
Only child couple celebrates New Year
After returning to each home, I felt "full of energy"
Zhizhi, who lives in Beijing, and her husband are both only children. Her natal family is in Guangzhou and her husband's family is in Liaoning. They have been married for 7 years and have two children. Since last year, Zhizhi and her husband have tried to go to their respective homes to celebrate the New Year. Since their two children are still young, Zhizhi also took them back to Guangzhou to celebrate the New Year.
Zhizhi recalled that last year she tried to go to each other's homes for the New Year for the first time. After she expressed her thoughts, the couple quickly reached a consensus. However, since this was their first year of trying, their plan was not too "radical": Last year, a family of four traveled to Changbai Mountain, and had a New Year's Eve dinner with their parents-in-law in Dalian, Liaoning Province on New Year's Eve. On the second day of the Lunar New Year, Zhizhi flew back to Guangzhou with her children. The husband returned to his hometown in Anshan with his parents.
How do couples reach a consensus? Zhizhi believes that getting married does not mean requiring the other person to fully integrate into each other's family. "Although we are married, we are still the sons and daughters of our parents." But the couple has to go back to their respective homes to celebrate the New Year. How can they win the understanding of both parents? Zhizhi said that her parents are relatively open-minded and will respect her and her husband's decision. I feel more relaxed and comfortable when I return to my parents' house. "In my husband's family, I am a wife, a mother of children, and a daughter-in-law. But when I return to my parents' family, I can be my parents' daughter."
After the first experience, both Zhizhi and her husband felt that this way of celebrating the New Year in separate homes was quite good. "Everyone met the friends they wanted to see and ate delicious food from their hometown. When we get together again, we feel full of energy." Zhizhi said that because her husband is usually busy with work, he usually works hard to spend time with himself and his children on weekends and long holidays. During the Spring Festival, Let him go back to his hometown and relax completely. "He went back to his hometown to celebrate the New Year. Because he didn't have children to worry about, he could have a good time with his relatives and friends in his hometown."
Zhizhi later shared this practice with her friends, and everyone expressed envy. She believes that the most important thing for each family to celebrate the New Year is good communication between husband and wife. She told reporters that during the Spring Festival this year, she would fly directly back to Guangzhou from Beijing with her two children to celebrate the New Year, while her husband would continue to return to his hometown in Liaoning alone to spend the New Year with his parents. And the couple plans to continue to implement this plan of going back to their respective homes to celebrate the New Year in the future. But she also added that when the two children get older, they will be able to choose which hometown to return to with their parents for the New Year.
On social media, more and more people support the model of everyone going back to their homes during the Spring Festival. Many netizens believe that the stability of a couple's relationship stems from their in-depth understanding and firm support, and does not depend on whether they spend the Spring Festival together.
Psychological counselor:
"Whose house should I go to during the Chinese New Year?" requires sincere communication between husband and wife
Li Jianxue, a national second-level psychological counselor and senior family and marriage counselor, has been exposed to marriage counseling all year round. He observed that "whose home should I go to during the New Year?" is one of the main conflicts between couples during the Spring Festival. Couples who come for consultation before and after the Spring Festival account for 10% of the consultation cases. 1/3.
Li Jianxue said that according to the past tradition, wives usually went home with their husbands to celebrate the New Year. However, with the changes of the times, women’s social status has gradually improved, especially among young couples born in the 1980s and 1990s who are only children. Little time to spend with empty-nest parents. Li Jianxue told reporters that many wives who come for consultation will express this view: they also want to spend time with their parents during the Spring Festival.
Among the consulting cases that Li Jianxue came into contact with, there was a relatively typical couple, Mr. Wang from the south and Ms. Ma from the north. Both parties were only children. They had been campus lovers since college. After graduation, they went to Guangzhou to develop together and got married in Guangzhou. Give birth to children. But later there was a disagreement over the issue of "whose home should I go to during the New Year?"
Li Jianxue introduced that when the couple first got married, they negotiated to go back and forth between their parents’ homes during the Spring Festival, such as spending it at their husband’s house before the first day of the Lunar New Year and at their parents’ house after the second grade of the Lunar New Year. However, after the experience, both of them felt very tired because they spent the entire holiday. Traveling on the road; in the next few years, both parties had a certain financial foundation and bought a house in Guangzhou. The original idea was to bring both parents to their home in Guangzhou for the New Year. However, because their parents’ living and eating habits were different, each other Their personalities are also different, so they may have differences if they live together.
A year later, Mr. Wang and Ms. Ma negotiated and took turns spending the New Year at each other's parents' homes every Spring Festival. However, due to some trivial matters, the couple were unwilling to compromise, and finally chose to go back to each other's homes to celebrate the New Year. After two or three years of experience, although they were fine outside, the couple still felt dissatisfied with each other in their hearts. In the end, after sincere communication, Mr. Wang and Ms. Ma’s solution was to be flexible: they could choose to go to one of them to celebrate the New Year. Since they had a certain financial foundation, they could also pick up their parents to celebrate the New Year, but they would arrange for their parents to live there. Staying in a hotel avoids disturbing each other, and we also treat both parties fairly.
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“Whose house should I go to during the Chinese New Year?” Not at the expense of the reunion of the core family
Li Jianxue analyzed that during the Spring Festival, the warm reunion of the original family is important, but the reunion of the couple's world is even more precious. "Everyone goes back to his own home" seems to take care of the interests of both families, but it may "sacrifice" the sweetness of the small family. "Put the relationship between husband and wife first, and put the interests of the couple's family first. It doesn't matter where you celebrate the New Year. You can live a good life." He suggested that the relationship between husband and wife should be put first in the life of a couple. First of all, put the happiness of the small family first, and on this basis, properly handle the emotions and differences of both parents.
He said that when it comes to "whose home to go to during the New Year?" it is best not to sacrifice the reunion of the core family. This will not only cause a loss of ritual, but may also aggravate the alienation of the relationship between husband and wife. "There is no fixed rule on whose home to go to during the New Year. The key is that both husband and wife and their families can reach a consensus on the basis of mutual understanding and respect based on the principle of not harming the relationship between the couple and not affecting family harmony."
Li Jianxue suggested that for unmarried young people, when choosing a partner, if both parties have similar regional cultures and the same living habits, it will be relatively easier to get along; and if there is a decision about "whose home to return to during the New Year" after marriage, you need to adhere to The principle of seeking common ground while reserving differences is to consciously and continuously discover the strengths and values of the other party and the other party's family, and ignore the shortcomings or problems that the other party may have.
Li Jianxue believes that both husband and wife should seek a solution that pleases everyone based on mutual understanding and accommodation, and turn it into a tacit understanding in the family so that the family does not have to work hard for it every year. "If both spouses are only children, they can invite both parents to gather together in the city where the couple lives and live separately. In addition, you can also find a new way to celebrate the New Year, such as celebrating the New Year while traveling."