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"I can't take it anymore, I even fall asleep standing up, it's as if I had swallowed an Alien that is sucking all my energy," I tell my physio while we do the exercises according to my new physical state. "How much are you?" asks a lady who does a stationary bike next to us. "Eight weeks," he sighed with a face of suffering. "Well, you don't have any left," he laughs. And it's true, I don't see the end of this kind of lethargy in which I am immersed. "Take the day you leave accounts as a deadline, because that's really it, end your life and start a new one. Take advantage, go out, travel, enjoy what you like, there will be things that you will not be able to do again for a long time, "they recommend me.

And that's what I try, get up early, let the day take me, not miss a plan, put on the clothes that in a few months will no longer serve me ... But I don't know why we live in a society that strives to make you lose your dignity since the pregnancy test comes out positive. In any bar I see my drink arrive on the tray: surrounded by beers and glasses of wine, there it is, the apple juice in its bottle with a straw, and when the waiter arrives he walks the table with his eyes several times looking for the child. "It's for me," he babbled, wanting me to grow a triponcio that clearly indicates who ordered the soda. There is no client in the customer world as satisfied as I am when they serve me mineral water in a nice glass with a slice of lemon. I close my eyes, drink a sip and, if I try, a lot, it even tastes like gin and tonic.

Barriguita and fashion

Speaking of belly, where to store it is another adventure Why isn't there a dot between the outfits that mark every curve (and crease) of your Rihanna-like body at the Superbowl and the huge pastel-colored t-shirts with footprints and "baby on board" or "mom to be" phrases? And if there is, why are maternity clothes twice as expensive as normal for having an extra piece of fabric? Why does the price of any item increase when the word pregnancy is mentioned?

Because having a child requires a budget from minute one. When you search the Internet for what you have to prepare to receive the baby, endless lists of gadgets appear for everything, types of bottles, creams, rags ..., although I think what terrifies me most is the breast pump, especially the electric one, every time I see a photo of that device I imagine it on and I have chills making me think of what is coming to me.

About breastfeeding

I refused to breastfeed, but they do not stop reaching you through social networks, friends and informative brochures the benefits of breast milk. And if you give the to the child until he has full dentures even better. I don't want to fail socially as a mother from the beginning and I have become aware that I will have to try at least.

"Think that it is the best way to lose weight, especially the fat that is going to accumulate in the cartridge cases," says my physio, who is my guru in pregnancy and knows what I want to hear.

Too many tips

There is no one as lost as a new mother and that is why everyone allows themselves to give advice and opinion. Personal experiences are fine: they are all contradictory, frightening, it seems that the women you talk to are competing to see who had the most traumatic postpartum.

But I don't think there's anything that scares me as much as references to books or blogs. Where has so much expert in motherhood come from that he allows himself to set the guidelines for exemplary parenting? Is there a place in the public sphere for so many (or so many) influencers who, in addition to following these trends to the letter, have time to record and edit videos to prove it? How many maternity guides do good parents have to read? Which school should they follow? Do I have to invest my free time in the coming months in consuming manuals and tutorials on the Montessori method, baby-led weaning (term used to describe the practice in which the child goes from milk to eating solids in small pieces skipping the puree stage) or positive discipline? Why can't babies come with a single instruction manual in which the whole process is clearly explained in five or ten steps?

A thousand questions about raising the child

If I am already unsure that this being a mother is going to give me good, every time I get informed I suspect that I can do even worse. How much harm will I do if I resort to the temptation of the jar? What traumas will I create if one day I scream at him?

And when all these doubts assail me and I am on the verge of an anxiety attack, I remember that this is only the beginning. That today's children must fill the weekend with extracurricular activities so that they do not get bored and succeed throughout the day tomorrow, that birthdays are now a creativity competition between parents and no longer consist of inviting home four friends and giving them some Nocilla sandwiches, That it is no longer well seen to blackmail your children with trinkets or with television or threaten them with punishing them with not setting foot on the street again for the rest of their days.

A lot of patience

But if there is something that gives me dread is to face the photos of rigor showing belly. "A memory", "the first photo of the family album", insist the relatives or try to convince me my boy, but I do not see the grace to this kind of incipient gut, similar to the brewery, that is coming out, nor to make ñoñerías in front of the camera with the father of the creature and, above all, I refuse to immortalize for posterity this look I have these days, these dark circles, these bags of tiredness, these marks that indicate that I need to sleep twelve more hours. I see on the screens María Pombo, Cristina Pedroche, Inma Cuesta... all perfect, with an enviable shine on the face, not a sign of fatigue, with a bulging but firm belly, without a gram of fat anywhere, posing in exotic landscapes ... And I wonder how they do it.

I stroke my gut and tell the being that must be there growing placidly: "I'm going to try to make this go well, but please, be patient with me" and deep down I'm dying for a few days to pass and start feeling some kick as a sign that he promises me that he accepts the deal and that he will also do his part. I look in the mirror, I look more mature, maybe that wrinkle that marks on my forehead makes me look more like a mother, maybe it's not bad, maybe from now on they will start to take me seriously. And I keep watching myself and I can't help but thank nature for the hair, which has become bright and strong, and the extra bra size that I have enjoyed for a few weeks. Looking at it this way, pregnancy also has its good things.

  • Pregnancy
  • Motherhood

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