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Everything is said about them: from praises that border on mythomania to relentless criticism, because they are not forgiven for imperfections. Stereotypes dictate that 'there is only one mother' and that she, in addition, is selfless, unconditional and, above all, a caregiver. The VI Barometer on Self-Care of the Spanish population, a study recently published and prepared by Pic Solution, corroborates this statement and puts black on white that still 9 out of 10 women are the majority responsible for the care of children at home.

The prototypes also mark other more malleable lasts, which are sculpted according to the social context. Now, and according to statistics, the mother pattern draws this robot portrait: around 30-35 when she has her first child, forms a family as a couple and does not usually risk more than two offspring. Life is difficult, you know.

This is what the numbers say, the majorities, but we all know that the reality is much more diverse. Today, on Mother's Day, five women contribute their testimony and example on how they have exercised and exercise that motherhood without molds.

Y.D.

Paloma, mother for the first time at 47

Paloma Rodríguez-Torices always knew she wanted to be a mother. She didn't wait until she got pregnant because she had doubts about her instincts, nor did she wait until she had a great job or a house with a garden. "I just wanted to find the right man. When I was 44 years old, I found him." His name is Germán, and with him he saw it clearly.

From there together they looked for that baby, but it did not arrive. They started an assisted reproduction treatment and thanks to in vitro fertilization Paloma became pregnant. Unfortunately, at eight and a half months gestation, she lost her son Bruno. "We found out that I have a genetic alteration where I generate clots. That's why it didn't go well. I grieved and after three months we tried again," he recalls.

For her new embryo transfer, she put a stop to those clots thanks to daily heparin, a drug that prevents their formation and that she maintained even after delivery. Their daughter Kenya, who just turned 10, was born perfectly healthy. Paloma was 47. "I don't look the age I am, but what matters is staying young at heart," he says. With a few exceptions, he had the support of everyone around him and, of course, he does not regret his decisions at all. "I haven't felt any difference with other mothers, nor have I felt any difference from being pregnant. I think at this age, you have more maturity and more patience," he concludes.

Y.D.

Mary, mother at 19

Mary Roberts has a clearly counter-current history. At a time when women have their first child at 32 years old on average, she decided to 'premiere' with 19. It was not a slip, but a much-desired baby. "My mother also had me young, we get along very well and I had that reference example," he says.

She admits to having missed parties and discos ("the first time I went out I was 25 years old"), but she was clear (next to her partner) that although in the eyes of others she was almost a teenager, it was her time to be a mother. Said and done.

"A child slows you down, but it also helps you gain momentum," he admits. In his particular case, Darío, who is now 12 years old, was his absolute motivation for his professional development. "I set up my first business so I could be close to him and take care of him," she explains. Today he has six hairdressers and, just now that his son is older, he continues to launch new projects, perhaps more in line with his current life.

She always maintained her motherhood with family support and the connection she maintains with her brother makes her think about repeating it. "It also influences that my son always made it very, very easy for me. We are very similar, we have traveled half the world traveling... We have a relationship like friends, we tell each other everything, even if we are mother and son above all, "ditch.

GTRES

Mariam, single mother (and actress)

The case of Mariam Hernández is also different from what is expected. At 38 she had her daughter while single. It was a conscious and thoughtful decision. "I was having my birthday and I realized that I didn't see any of my partners as a father," he says. "Fortunately there are many who are co-responsible, but for others fatherhood is great," he says.

The desire to be free and independent and to maintain her lifestyle, derived from her tastes and her profession as an actress, led her to think that motherhood in solitude was the best thing for her. It was also influenced by the fear of breaking up with a potential partner and causing suffering to their daughter ("What I see around me is that couples break up early"). And he confesses himself totally happy with his decision.

For Mariam, leaving the traditional was difficult, more than the parenting itself, although like any single mother and with the family far away, they are seen and desired to reconcile. Luckily, he manages with a trusted caregiver who lives nearby ("she's like my guardian angel"), although he has sometimes had to 'pull' his mother, who lives in the Canary Islands, when there was no plan B.

Mariam is now shooting a series for Telecinco, 'Mía es la venganza', in Madrid, where she lives, so now she can organize herself without difficulties. "There are times when they say to me 'and what are you going to do when...?', but I always answer the same thing: 'we will see it'".

Y.D.

Marta, adoptive mother

Marta Vidal Pardo, also known in networks as Marta is fed up, is the adoptive mother of a girl whose adventures she tells in a humorous way in her books ('Una madre que lo putoflipa' and the recently published 'Sigo putoflipando'). "When I met my husband he had a daughter. We looked for children in common to give him a little brother, but they did not come, "explains Marta.

"She knew her biological mother, but I was the one who acted as such. To simplify procedures, I decided to adopt it," he says. For Marta, there are two ghosts that fly over the adoptive parents: one, the feeling that you have to take lead feet in the upbringing and two, that the children leave your side.

"When there are no blood ties you think your bond is more fragile. You think they'll tell you 'you're not my mother' at any moment. You also fear that they will leave with their biological mother and leave you," she says. She adds: "Sometimes you think that this or that behavior is due to their genes, but when you talk to other mothers ... you realize that they all do the same thing, especially teenagers!" she jokes.

Her daughter is now 21 years old and this language teacher and writer is sure that she feels like her mother, without further ado: "Children see everything differently and for them their family is where they are, their nest," she says.

Cristina, mother of a large family

Cristina Martínez Gijón is a mother 'laude', of no less than six children. The first of them, Alvarito, was born in 2015, when she was 31 years old and "thought I was already late," she recalls amused. But no, there was plenty: in 2016 Candela arrived, and then Catalina, the twins and Cris, the little one in 2021. The question is obligatory, do you want to have more? "It is the most repeated in recent months; I have my whole circle waiting for the news, but it does not enter into my immediate plans, "he answers without closing the door. "We feel very fortunate for the family we have formed, it is a gift and now we are very well organized. I could say that I prefer not to complicate my life, but I am unable to override the desire to expand the family by being closer to comfort in logistics. Every child born is a miracle, if another one comes we will be waiting for him with open arms."

The 'vocation' comes from afar, Cristina has five siblings and from a very young age she dreamed of replicating her family. "When I met Álvaro (her husband), who came from a family of three brothers, we spoke naturally of our desire to have many children and to have them soon. We were very aware of the sacrifices it would entail, but also of the gift it had been for us to have several siblings," he explains.

She considers herself "a normal mother, with a normal husband, who likes to do normal things. Now my obsession with order and cleanliness has increased, but it is essential because otherwise this house would be a jungle. And it is true that during these years I have had to exercise a lot of patience; To this day I am still surprised at the level where I am," he jokes. The key to her family routine is "in the distribution of tasks and teamwork", although when she is alone she is made "a little ball", but then "the satisfaction of doing everything is enormous".

Still, he acknowledges that it's not a bed of roses. "It has its lights and shadows, its moments of immense happiness and those that make you question everything and doubt yourself. My motherhood has been, and continues to be, full of constant challenges and rewards." In her case, two of the most difficult things are the constant disorder at home and the difficulty of finding moments of leisure in solitude and with her husband, although "it comforts to know that one day they will return."

And if I could change anything, it would be the clichés about large families. "When we arrive somewhere I notice the looks of concern, admiration, pity, joy. It does not fail, they end up asking me, with a mocking smile, if I remember their names, their birthdays ... What they really want to know is whether you can love and care for six children, if you have enough love for everyone. And confirm their prejudices: that children prevent us from enjoying life, that we are irresponsible... In an increasingly selfish world, our children care for each other. And we all return home, every day, with the illusion of knowing that there is always someone waiting for you. A large family is the greatest act of generosity."

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  • Mother's Day
  • Motherhood