Me and Son 30 Year EnsembleApril 4 at 14:19
Looking
back, as a mother, I didn't even think that my child could have a dream.
My son developed an incurable disease at 4 months old, and doctors declared that he could not expect normal development.
It was the cello that changed his world, which was full of things he couldn't do.
Even if you can't convey your emotions with words, you can convey them by putting them on a string.
After hard work, I took my first steps as a professional cellist this spring.
Playing proudly on stage made me softly talk to my former self.
"Children have an unimaginable future, so don't say 'impossible'"
(Hiroki Matsumoto, Network News Department)
Invitation to the concert
"I hope it will be a beacon of hope for parents suffering from the same disease,"
one email was sent to NHK's News Post.
It was an invitation to a concert.
A man who developed West Syndrome, an intractable disease designated by the government at the age of 1 months, will make his professional debut as a cellist.
The text describing the days of facing my son with an intractable disease was filled with the desire to cover the sunny stage that was finally coming.
News posts receive various requests for interviews every day, but for some reason, this invitation attracted me.
Trusting my intuition, I decided to go see him.
They were greeted by their father, Yutaka, and mother, Megumi, who sent them emails.
Megumi smiled and said:
Megumi Matsumoto
: "I never thought my son would become a professional cellist."
I listened attentively to what the two of them were saying, losing track of time.
(From here, I will continue from the perspective of my mother, Megumi)
I must have been bad...
His son Susumu was born in 1992.
The whole family was delighted with the birth of their first boy, following their eldest daughter, who is two years older.
My child was 4 months old.
After making a gesture to make your body thrust, you will go limp and lose strength.
It lasts two or three days, so when I took him to the pediatric department of a nearby hospital, the complexion of the doctor who examined me changed.
Within a few days, he had a major seizure and was hospitalized.
I was prepared for an epileptic seizure.
However, when the doctor told me that it was an intractable disease designated by the government and that it was an intractable epilepsy called "West Syndrome," I felt that I was in the depths of despair.
I had never heard of "West Syndrome".
When I look into it, I am always worried.
The causes of the disease are varied and none are common to all patients.
Although the disease itself does not kill people, there is a high possibility that sequelae such as developmental disorders will remain due to serious damage to the brain, and no silver bullet or solid treatment has been established.
After a few tests, the doctor told me:
"Catching up can be difficult."
It was declared that normal development could not be expected due to the effects of brain damage.
I blamed myself as I watched Susumu's sleeping face in the dimly lit hospital room.
Just four months ago, Susumu was born healthy.
I, as a mother, must have been wrong.
Better yet, jump into the neighborhood river with your children...
At that time, I was cornered.
Tell yourself "I can't" and "I can't do it"
Fortunately, the symptoms of Jin's epilepsy gradually subsided, and he was able to leave the hospital in about three months.
However, as I grew up, I began to suffer from strange habits.
You can't take your eyes off the electronic bulletin board or anything that glows.
I don't like loud noises.
They don't make eye contact.
When pointing to what you want, use someone else's hand, not your own.
Looking back on it now, I realize that it is a developmental disorder, but at that time, I didn't know what my child was thinking.
I couldn't grasp Jin's worldview, so it was like talking to an alien.
Of course, even in elementary school, I can't fit in.
I can't stand the hustle and bustle of the classroom and jump out, or I can't sit still and take class.
The children around him can't understand his actions, and they can't make friends.
It was Susumu himself who felt stressed by such a situation.
Not once or twice have I come home with a new T-shirt nibbled on the chest and tattered.
Every time I saw such a figure, my heart ached and I told myself, "I can't do this child" and "It's impossible."
Jin is amazing! But I...
It was her husband, a viola player, who discovered that Jin had such rich abilities.
"Aren't you singing in response to the bass sound?"
When I played an orchestral CD at home, I heard a growling voice, like Susumu was singing along to the music.
Certainly, when I listened closely, I was singing the bass part of the cello and double bass.
One day when she was in the third grade of elementary school, her husband, who had taken Susumu to cello class for the first time, came home very excited.
"Jin played the cello in one shot! This kid's love is music!"
As I listened to my husband's excitement, I was skeptical.
I can't even hold chopsticks properly.
It is clumsy to let them write or draw.
I can't believe that such a Jin is a musical instrument ...
What a stringed instrument that makes a delicate sound...
I had decided in my head that it was impossible.
Nevertheless, from this day on, Jin continued to play the cello.
Music is the place to be...
大きな転機となったのが中学生になって入ったジュニアオーケストラでした。
人づきあいが苦手なのに、多くの仲間と演奏なんて無理なんじゃ…
そんな私の心配はまたも覆されます。
「松本くん、うまいね！」
仲間から尊敬されている晋の姿を見たのは初めてでした。
その姿に、療育指導を受けていた先生のことばが頭をよぎりました。
「子育てはどうしても目の前のことにとらわれがちだけど、10年、20年先を見据えて考えてあげて」
ことばでうまくコミュニケーションがとれなくても、音楽なら居場所を見つけられるかもしれない。
多くの人と演奏することで彼の特殊な才能が開花しました。
彼の耳は周りの楽器の一つ一つの音色を聞き分け、周りがどんな音を出したいか、その音にどんな音をあわせるのがよいかを自然に感じ取っていました。
晋が友人に囲まれ、楽しく演奏しているのを見るだけで幸せでした。
ますます音楽にのめり込んだ晋は、東京音楽大学付属高校で日本を代表するチェロ奏者として活躍している堀了介先生と出会いました。
堀先生に勧められて、音楽大学を出るころには、プロの演奏家としての夢を抱くようになっていました。
留学と決めた覚悟
「古典楽器のバロックチェロを学びたいからドイツに留学したいんだけど」
それは唐突な相談でした。
えっ？海外？
話を聞くと、バロックチェロの世界的な演奏家の指導を受けられるチャンスをもらったから、ドイツのケルンに行きたいという申し出でした。
大学の費用まではなんとか工面したけど留学費用なんて…
ことばの問題もあるし、そもそも1人暮らしなんて無理。
できるわけがない。
また私の「無理無理病」が頭をもたげました。
そんな私の気持ちをよそに、バロックチェロの練習を続ける晋。
「無理」「行きたい」のやりとりは1年も続きました。
結局、私が折れ、留学に向けて準備を進めることになりました。
しかし、留学費用は高額で、気持ちだけではどうにもならない。
そんな話を友人にしたところ、勧められたのがクラウドファンディングでした。
ここでも私は「無理」を連呼しました。
子どもの留学費用という個人的な理由で協力してくれる人なんているはずがない。
二の足を踏む私に友人たちは背中を押してくれました。
「障害があっても得意なことを突き詰めていけば、夢だったプロの演奏家の道が開けるかもしれない。その夢を応援したいという人はたくさんいますよ」
いつのまにか晋の夢は、周りの人たちを巻き込んだ挑戦になっていました。
留学先の生活費など含め、目標金額を200万円に設定しました。
集まった金額は245万5000円。
このとき、私の覚悟が決まりました。
かつての私と同じように悩んでいる親たちにとって、晋はきっと希望になる。
だから、晋をプロのチェロ奏者にするんだ。
結局、留学は3年間続きました。
そしてこの春、晋は夢を実現させることになったのでした。
息子と歩んできた長い旅路を語ってくれた晋さんのご両親。
気がつけば、私は1時間、聞き入っていました。
「演奏会をぜひ取材させてください」
そう伝えて自宅を辞しました。
プロとして対等な立場です
この春、ついに開かれることになった晋さんのプロデビューの演奏会。
リコーダー、ヴァイオリン、チェンバロ、それぞれ古楽器の一流の演奏家3人が賛同してくれました。
本番の10日前、7時間にわたるリハーサルを取材しました。
一緒に演奏するプロたちに、晋さんの奏でる音、そして障害のことをどう思っているのか聞いてみたかったのです。
「ここのパートはちょっと周りが殺伐としているから、ちょっと温かい感じで元に戻っていく感じでいきましょう」
リハーサルは練習の合間に笑い声が飛び交う和やかな雰囲気で進んでいました。
曲のイメージを共有する話し合いでは、晋さんはメンバーから出た意見を譜面に書き記していきました。
3人は晋さんをひとりのプロの演奏家として接していました。
チェンバロ 西野晟一朗さん
「障害のある演奏家ではなく、同じプロの演奏家として対等な立場で晋さんと接しています。4人の音がよくなるためにどうすればよいのか、彼にリクエストすることもしょっちゅうです」
ヴァイオリン 遠藤結子さん
「彼の音はすごくノリがよくて、彼自身がやりたいことと私たちの音がはまったときの一体感は本当にすばらしいです」
リコーダー 辺保陽一さん
「世間一般では彼の障害をハンデと捉えるかもしれないですが、音楽の世界ではそれも個性として音に変えられます。だから彼の個性をどんどん伸ばしてほしいし、彼の姿からわれわれも学ぶことは多いです」
横で恥ずかしそうに聞いていた晋さん。
演奏会に向けた思いを話してくれました。
松本晋さん
「ちょっとドキドキするし、プレッシャーもありますが、感謝の気持ちを込めて演奏したいです」
もう「無理」じゃない
そして演奏会当日。
会場となった新宿の教会の礼拝堂にはおよそ70人が集まりました。
息子の晴れ姿を見ようと恵さんも開演を待ちます。
松本恵さん
「もう見てるこっちが緊張してしまいますよね。とにかく楽しんで演奏してくれたら」
一方、舞台裏では蝶ネクタイを付けるのに苦労する晋さんの姿が…
晋さん
「すごく緊張しているからなのか、ネクタイがなかなか付けられなくて焦りました」
そんな晋さんに仲間が優しく声をかけます。
「楽しんでいきましょう！」
晋さんは笑顔で舞台へ向かいました。
He will play five songs.
It will perform late Baroque pieces from the late 5th and 17th centuries.
The first song, "Butoh Various" by Rubell, is Susumu's favorite song.
Inspired by the dance of the French court, Susumu puts the sadness and melancholy behind the glamour into the sound.
The low, gentle timbre of the Baroque cello overlaps the three notes.
And the second half is the climax of the concert.
Leclerc's "The Pleasure of Music No. 2, Op. 8" continues for 30 minutes without a break.
A tiring second half.
Mr. Susumu followed the breaths of the three with his eyes and played this difficult piece with a smile.
After playing six songs, including one in response to the encore, there was a burst of applause from the audience.
Megumi was fascinated by the scene.
"Now that you're a pro, I want you to stop sticking your tongue out at the end of every song."
When I asked him what he thought after the performance, the opening was the first thing he didn't expect.
But Megumi's eyes were moist.
Megumi Matsumoto:
"I've done a really good job so far, I'm just standing at the starting line, but I'm going to keep supporting him so that he can continue to do what he wants to do."
After the concert
Three weeks have passed since the concert was covered.
As the TV broadcast was about to come up and I had something to confirm, I visited Megumi and Yutaka again.
When I was about to leave after finishing my errands, Megumi suddenly started talking.
"I'm really glad that I was able to summarize 3 years with Jin."
I'll tell you a lot on TV" "It's really good, I'm going to be hospitalized the day after it was broadcast on TV, so I can watch it at the last minute"
What? Hospitalization?
"I have colon cancer, which is also stage 30" "..."
I've seen you many times and listened to you for hours, but I haven't heard a word about it.
My mind went blank at the sudden confession, and Megumi continued, sensing that I couldn't say the next word.
"It has spread to the liver and lungs, but you seem to be fine. I'm totally ready to heal and I have a lot of plans for after I leave the hospital."
Beside Megumi who spoke cheerfully, Yutaka's expression was clouded.
It was in November last year that he found out that he had cancer.
We received the interview request a month later.
Why was he attracted to that post that triggered the interview?
What kind of feelings did Megumi have when she was interviewed this time?
When I asked for a photo shoot and listened to the melody played by Megumi and Susumu, why was my heart so moved?
I was stunned by the thought that many questions were melting away.
After a moment, Yutaka opened his mouth.
"That's right,"
he said, "because when I get out of the hospital, I'll do a cheerful celebration, and I'll definitely do it."
"I'm looking forward to being discharged from the hospital,"
Megumi smiled until the end.
It's not so "impossible"
On the way home, the melody of the song "Flowers Bloom" played by the two of them was playing in my head.
And I remembered the words Megumi had spoken to me 30 years ago.
"Your child has an unimaginable future, so it's okay. It's not impossible. I want to tell them not to give up."
Didn't those words speak not only to the person I used to be, but also to myself now that I am battling illness?
No problem.
Yes, it's not impossible.
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