Beijing, April 4 (Zhongxin Net) (Liu Huan) "You have never experienced death, how to conduct life and death education? Lu Guijun, director of the pain department at Tsinghua Chang Gung Hospital affiliated to Tsinghua University in Beijing, who has been engaged in life and death education and palliative care for many years, held a funeral for himself on Qingming Day in 5 and attracted attention.
A few days ago, Lu Guijun said in an interview with Chinanews.com that life and death education is a compulsory course for everyone, especially children's cognition of death, avoiding life and death may affect children's lives. So when it comes to educating children about life and death, what should parents talk about?
Lu Guijun's funeral scene before his death Photo provided by interviewee
The best age for life and death education is 6 years old
Lu Guijun began to work in hospice care in 1998, and gradually conducted in-depth research in the field of life and death education. He found that there is a lack of systematic life and death education in China, and many people not only do not have a correct understanding of death, but also avoid talking about life and death.
In fact, life and death education has been developed in Europe and the United States for more than half a century. Relevant studies have shown that life and death education can effectively improve the ability of educated people to cope with death and understand life.
Lu Guijun began to open life and death education courses in universities and other places. A teacher once asked him: "These children are only eighteen or nine years old, they are still at the age of youth and vitality, how can they discuss death with them as soon as they come up?" Some people questioned him: "You have not experienced death, how to conduct life and death education?" ”
On the Qingming Festival in 2021, Lu Guijun held a funeral for himself. He experienced the bathing and grooming of the deceased at the body cooking station, and received the farewell of his loved ones in the coffin. He said the experience gave him a truer understanding of death, "in awe of life, we are always on the road."
Lu Guijun told Chinanews.com that many people always feel that death is far away from them and do not have to think about it, but in fact, the best age for life and death education is about 6 years old. "Because the child has developed a sense of independence, he will think about what death really is. Children's awareness of death cannot be ignored at this time. ”
Lu Guijun is a pain doctor who sees one in five patients with cancerous pain, including younger children. He discovered that when children face death, they understand the end of life in a fairy tale way.
"Mom and Dad always can't hold back their tears, so children will choose to talk to their peers about death, saying things like, 'When I die, I will become a fairy and play with you in my dreams.'" In the eyes of the child, such a way of cognition is acceptable. Lu Guijun said.
Children's Hospice Daisy House Photo courtesy of interviewee
The best goodbye is goodbye without saying goodbye, and the worst goodbye is saying goodbye without saying goodbye
Lu Guijun pointed out that most people's cognition of death only stays in fear and denial, for children, if there is no proper guidance, once life and death anxiety is formed, this will affect the child's life.
A young man once told Lu Guijun that his father died of a liver tumor when he was 6 years old. Before dying, his father's belly bulged high, and the young man asked his mother what was wrong with his father. Mom said: "Dad ate a bad seed, this seed kept growing in his body, and Dad died in the end." ”
At this point, the young man no longer dared to eat any peanuts, beans and other seeds, "I didn't know until I was an adult, this is not dead."
"Therefore, in the face of life and death, it is not right to avoid talking about it, not to care, and it is not right to talk inappropriately. Face your child with an acceptable way to interpret death, not as an intimidation. Lu Guijun said.
Hu Jialing, a social worker at Daisy House, Beijing's first hospice ward, who has been working in hospice for children for many years, added that life and death education also needs to focus on timing. "Both parties need to be mentally prepared to be acceptable and willing to discuss the topic together, rather than explaining what death is abruptly and bluntly."
As a doctor, Lu Guijun has witnessed the parting of countless families. He believed that death was merely a static state of individual life, not a permanent loss. "Death is a goodbye, but goodbye does not mean one cut. It's just that the journey between us has come to an end, and your bits and pieces will always be in my heart. ”
Lu Guijun met a mother who lost her daughter while teaching a course. After her daughter left, she has been using short videos to express her thoughts about her daughter.
Later, these videos were seen by a suicidal student, who left a message: "I was originally a person who wanted to give up my life, but because I saw your video, I thought that my mother would also be sad." Thank you for helping me. ”
After seeing the message, the mother said: "It was not me who helped this child, but my deceased daughter helped him, and my daughter has always been a little angel." ”
Lu Guijun agreed with the mother's approach, believing that it was wrong to tell others to come out of the death of their loved ones, and that the person's grief should be given a place to go.
"The best goodbye is to say goodbye, that is, to tell your loved ones that after they are far away, they will live well and always think about them. The worst goodbye is not saying goodbye, that is, the loved one leaves him but is not around. ”
Children's Hospice Daisy House Photo courtesy of interviewee
Life and death education is a compulsory course, and it is urgent to establish systematic courses and cultivate talents
Hu Yi'an, a professor at the School of Marxism at Guangzhou University, opened a famous elective course on "life and death". This course has been offered for more than 20 years.
His classroom syllabus of life and death includes the concept and nature of life and death, death consciousness (peril experience, near-death experience, etc.), individual death (disease, aging, disaster), social death (war, poverty, death penalty, etc.), life and death (hospice, palliative care, etc.), suicide. Every class classroom is full of students.
"I don't have a standard answer in class." Hu Yi'an once told the media that the question of life and death is close to oneself, and everyone must seek their own answers.
Lu Guijun has also been popularizing life and death education through systematic courses and theme activities. He believes that there is a lack of orthodox and systematic life and death education in China today, but film and television dramas and other fields and works are full of death everywhere, often in the form of lightning and thunder, which is easy to cause the public's fear of death and a stereotypical concept of "why me".
He believes that professional talents should be cultivated, systematic courses should be established, and the public should understand and understand death in a down-to-earth way. "We should pull life and death education from the classroom to the public, and pull knowledge from forums and experts to life, so that the problem of death becomes soft."
In this regard, he suggested that more doctors join the work of palliative care and life and death education, because doctors are the people who have the most contact with life and death, and hospitals should also take on more relevant guidance responsibilities. "The function of hospitals and doctors is not only to rejuvenate people, but also to help people turn around calmly." (End)