Sayaka Aoki Overcoming a bad relationship with her mother What is the relationship between a mother and her daughter

My mother, who was a school teacher, didn't praise me even if I scored 90 points on the test

.

Her turning point came in 2019 when her mother was hospitalized with terminal cancer.

What do you find after facing her mother and overcoming her ill-feelings?

I heard about it in my hometown of Aichi.

(Interviewer/coverage Nagoya Broadcasting Station announcer Yu Koshizuka)

My mother doesn't praise me, what I value is my appearance

We interviewed her at her alma mater elementary school in Owariasahi City, Aichi Prefecture, her hometown.

So, first of all, Mr. Aoki showed me an anthology when he graduated.

(Koshizuka)

Do you remember what you wrote?

(Aoki)

I remember.

(Koshizuka)

The title is "I am the main character"

(Aoki)

It's scary.

It's possible, myself.

shall we read?

“I belong to the theater company Kappako.

Every day is very busy... 30 years from now, I will be 41 years old, a wonderful old lady... Play is so much fun because one person can be a wolf or a snake... 40 years later, 60 years later, I will still be the main character..." I'm so embarrassed

... .

(Koshizuka)

What do you think?

(Aoki)

That's bad.

But from that time on, I think I was hoping somewhere to stand on the stage, to stand alone.

Mr. Aoki is a family of four, his parents who were teachers and his younger brother.

His mother, a woman, was a school principal and was well-known in the local area.

(Koshizuka)

What kind of person was Aoki's mother?

(Aoki)

It's exactly the baby boom generation, his parents.

I heard that her mother did very well and that she had good grades.

She was a pretty strict mother to me, but she was a proud mother, and I wanted her mother to praise me, and I think that I worked hard at my studies when I was a child.

(Koshizuka)

What was the toughest part?

(Aoki)

I don't remember receiving compliments.

(Koshizuka)

No?

(Aoki)

No.

My grades weren't that bad, but when I came home with a 90-point test and wondered if I'd be praised, I would say something like, "Why can't you get 10 more points?"

I was learning the piano, and I was able to play "For Elise" at a recital. Last year, Nana-chan, a classmate of mine, played it. You're slow."

Do you have a strong impression that you were being compared to your cousin or a classmate who was good at it, and being scolded and encouraged?

(Koshizuka)

What do you think your mother was thinking when she treated Aoki in that way?

(Aoki)

So that I don't feel ashamed, so that I don't feel ashamed, right?

It might sound a little strange to say that what I valued was appearance, but I think it was important how people looked at me.

My mother used to say things like, ``You should go to college,'' or, ``It's better if you go to a good university,'' or ``It's a pity if you get divorced.''

I think I told my friends only the nice things, such as telling my friends that my grades were better than my actual grades, or even if there was a fight at home, I wouldn't tell my friends about such things.

Did you think that you had to be the eldest daughter of the Aoki family who would be praised by everyone, and that you had to be a model family?

I thought it was my family, my family.

However, when Aoki was in high school, a rift appeared in his relationship with his mother.

his parents got divorced.

(Aoki)

I thought it was the exact opposite of what I had been taught up until now.

For me, in my adolescent years, I wanted my mother to be my mother, so for some reason, I felt disgust towards same-sex mothers, or rather, I didn't want to talk to them.

Until now, you've been aiming to be a good child or a good home, but do you feel like something has come crashing down?

(Koshizuka)

What happened to the relationship between the two of you?

(Aoki)

My younger brother, I, and my mother started living together, but even after we started living together, I don't remember hearing anything about it.

To the path of a comedian

His mother wanted him to become a civil servant after graduating from university.

A studio in Nagoya where you can have live performances.

Mr. Aoki says that he learned about comedy by watching his seniors perform here.

Sometimes he would even share his stories here.

(Aoki)

I thought that it would be the most unpleasant job for my mother, so I think I had the feeling of "I will do it."

I think I had the thought, "That's why I'm going to succeed, there."

I think it was one of my motivations.

She moved to Tokyo at the age of 26.

He also worked as an entertainer on television.

Some of the stories had the appearance of my mother who was rebelling.

(Aoki)

My mother was an evaluator, so even when she was watching TV, she would tell me that this singer had 85 points today.

She was the kind of person who gave marks even when she came to visit my class.

Just as her mother has evaluated her, I think one of my weapons was to make funny evaluations and shout out loud, so I used her mother's habits as jokes. There may be.

Feelings that won't go away even after giving birth

Even after his break as an entertainer, his relationship with his mother remained unsatisfactory.

Meanwhile, Aoki gave birth to a girl in 2010.

She thought that becoming a mother herself would change the parent-child relationship.

(Aoki)

When I became a parent, I thought that this would definitely be the moment I could thank my parents.

I had high hopes for that.

(Koshizuka)

What were you thinking when you met?

(Aoki)

I had my newborn daughter in her arms, and she looked so happy that I had never seen her before.

My first thought at that time was that I didn't want him to touch anything important to me.

That's what I thought.

The reason why I thought that was probably because I was jealous of my daughter, who said that I had no memory of being treated like that, and maybe it was because I didn't want to allow her to make such a happy face. and maybe both.

(Koshizuka)

How was it?

when you get that feeling.

(Aoki)

Hmm, I felt like I was disqualified as a human being, and at this time, which might be the happiest time of my life, I asked my mother, who came all the way to see me, "What are you doing?" That's what it felt like.

Ah, I really thought I was missing something.

At the same time, I also felt that there was nothing I could do about it.

In 2017, Aoki was diagnosed with cancer.

At that time, my work was not going well, and I was mentally exhausted.

Two years later, she finds out that her mother has terminal cancer.

At that time, her friend said a certain word.

(Aoki)

My friend said, "Mr. Aoki, this is your last chance. Make up with your parents."

I said that I know that in my head, but I can't do it, and my heart doesn't move.

After that, my friend said, "If the parent-child relationship gets better, Aoki-san will feel better, so try it."

At that time, I myself was stuck in all directions.

I had lung cancer, and I didn't know how long I would be able to continue this job.

I wanted to change something, but I couldn't find the answer.

I thought I'd give it a try.

Even if her mother died like this, even if she disappeared from this world, I thought that this feeling of resentment that she didn't like her mother would follow her wherever she went.

(Koshizuka)

So you took a step forward?

(Aoki)

You mean you wanted to change yourself?

not for my mother.

she is for herself

facing my mother in hospice

In the summer of 2019, Aoki decided to go back to Aichi every week.

We drove five hours to go to the hospice where his mother was in the hospital.

With special permission, I interviewed him at the facility.

Before entering the hospital room, he says, he tried to keep a smile on his face by paying attention to the tone of his voice.

There is a word that Mr. Aoki told her mother immediately after meeting her.

(Aoki)

On the first day, I wanted to convey her determination.

"I haven't been a good boy until now. I'm sorry."

My mother was lying in bed, and before I sat down in my chair, I said,

Then her mother said, "What are you talking about, Sayaka was kinder than anyone else, wasn't she?"

She's not kind at all, but she said so.

(Koshizuka)

How did she feel when she said "I'm sorry for not being a good girl"?

(Aoki) She

came to a point where she thought that if she changed, the other person would change, so she gave it a try.

It was a challenge.

What I think is that I've been trying to change myself.

Even there.

But I always wanted to change things up a bit.

Try to change it by 30 degrees, or change it by 60 degrees, but it doesn't change.

I wanted to make a 180 degree turn.

Then it kind of changed.

What I found was an open relationship

Time to face my mother face-to-face.

While exchanging words, the atmosphere between the two gradually changed.

(Aoki)

If you ask me whether I will become a good person just before I die, I won't.

It must be painful, and I also saw a glimpse of my mother's personality, which I'm not good at, coming out in a big way.

Like this, going up two steps and going down one step, zig-zag zig-zag up, never going back to the first day.

(Koshizuka)

And

has your relationship changed?

(Aoki)

I don't know if our relationship has changed, but my feelings for my mother have changed considerably.

(Koshizuka)

How did it change?

(Aoki)

First of all, before he died, I stopped hating him.

It's been a lot of fun.

(Koshizuka)

Is it because the distance is getting closer?

(Aoki)

Maybe it's the distance.

I feel like something is buried inside me.

(Koshizuka)

What?

(Aoki)

What is it?

Ah, this person, I'm important to you, and maybe the feelings of wanting to be cherished, wanted to be cherished, and wanted to be loved gradually subsided. I don't think so.

(Aoki)

When my mother passed away, my younger brother and I were joking and said, "My mother was like this, wasn't she?" It's gone,' I thought.

While she was conscious, she was able to have time to be like a parent and child, and had time to get to know her as a person. I'm thinking.

(Koshizuka)

What kind of changes have you seen in yourself since you no longer hate your mother?

(Aoki) She

started to move in the direction of not hating herself anymore.

When I'm dealing with her daughter, I often find her mother in me.

When she hated her mother, when she found her mother in herself, she desperately wanted to lose it.

She hated herself.

But since I no longer hate my mother, I feel nostalgic when I see her mother inside me.

(Koshizuka)

Do you feel nostalgic?

(Aoki)

I can feel it.

Her daughter said, "That way of speaking is similar to grandma's," and she said, "It's not as bad as grandma's, is it?"

I think it has something to do with life.

(Koshizuka)

What do you mean by ease of living?

(Aoki)

You don't have to hate yourself.

I think that hating my parents probably means that I hate some kind of root of myself.

Thinking about it now.

Is it so easy to stop hating your parents?

why.

Is it because I no longer hate the original part of myself?

Aoki's daughter is now in junior high school.

Aoki has the mother-daughter relationship he aspires to.

(Koshizuka)

Mr. Aoki, what do you keep in mind as a parent?

(Aoki)

Do you mean to try not to have stereotypes?

I want people to know that there are people like that, there are people like that, there are all kinds of people, and everyone is different.

(Koshizuka)

From your own experience?

(Aoki)

Yes.

I've been told to study, and I've been telling my daughter that she doesn't have to study, but one day she said, "Don't force me to study." is not it.

I thought it would be difficult.

I'm doing the same thing.

I don't change that much, and I have a habit of what my parents have told me, so I think it's difficult to try not to do this, but at least I can tell my daughter that However, I don't like it."

Interview from here Talent Sayaka Aoki program page

This is a program that conveyed an interview with Mr. Aoki.

Until the morning of March 2, 2023, it will be broadcast on NHK Plus.