My younger brother who died at the end of hikikomori talks as a party to the 8050 problem, February 22, 19:42

Journalist Masaki Ikegami, who has been interviewing hikikomori for more than 25 years, said, "I wonder if there was something I could have done at that time.

"

My younger brother, who is four years younger than me, did not have a long-term job and tended to be a hikikomori.

He was found dead in his home seven years ago, after his younger brother had lived alone in his apartment after caring for his parents.

Not as a journalist, but as a "party" to the 8050 problem.

Ms. Ikegami began to talk about her past, hoping that she would be able to help people in the position of brothers and sisters.

(#Tomoko Morita, director of the interview team with my neighbor)

The past that has been contained

"My younger brother was also a hikikomori, so I can understand the feelings of the brothers." It was four years

ago in the summer when I first heard that Mr. Ikegami's younger brother died after being a hikikomori. bottom.

After the death of an elderly parent, there have been a series of cases across the country where the lives of those left behind have been put in danger, so I was conducting research on the deceased 56-year-old man and his family. .

It was a confession that suddenly leaked when I was listening to Mr. Ikegami as an “expert”.

Journalist Masaki Ikegami (60 years old)

"This family is just like ours... But my younger brother once told me, 'Brother, don't write about me (in an article).' I didn't do it, so please don't tell anyone else."

Recently, Mr. Ikegami has been talking about his younger brother and his family at family gatherings and other occasions.

When I asked him why, he said that as the 8050 problem progressed and more people were approaching the stage where their parents became sick or died, consultations from hikikomori brothers and sisters began to come in one after another. gave me

Mr. Masaki Ikegami

"I didn't forget, but I kept it in my mind saying, 'My brother didn't like it, so let's not put it out too much.' As a journalist, I always had the feeling that I was

watching from a safe distance from my comfort zone. ``Is it okay to stay?'

'

Born into a “successful” family

The beginning of the memory is in the middle of the high growth period.

They were just a normal family in an era when everyone wanted a better life.

A father who is proficient in languages ​​and has made it to the top at a foreign-affiliated company, and a sociable mother who volunteers to serve as PTA president.

My father did not interfere in the household affairs, leaving everything to my mother, who was a full-time housewife.

Her mother used to tell her that she wanted her to become a civil servant or a teacher.

When Mr. Ikegami was young, he felt like he was being compared to his younger brother and treated as a "bad brother."

He is now a frequent television expert on hikikomori, but as a child he was shy and embarrassed his mother by refusing to go to kindergarten.

When he entered elementary school, he developed selective mutism, in which he was unable to speak at all, a condition that lasted for six years.

At school, I was questioned, "Why don't you talk?"

I didn't have any friends, and I hated going to school, but I didn't have the option of taking a break.

Mr. Masaki Ikegami

“I was convinced that I was the only one who was strange, so I felt like I had already given up. During my break, I used to hide behind the curtains and look out the window all the time.I wanted to go to a different world, so I wrote science fiction and fantasy. Only freedom... It was my own world. I think it was an important time to be able to confirm my true self."

On the other hand, my younger brother, who is four years younger, has excellent grades and is an honor student who is good at sports.

He lived up to his mother's expectations.

It was truly a “star of hope” for my parents.

Mr. Masaki Ikegami

“I was sociable and had a lot of friends, and I did a lot of things like the Electone and swimming. When I think about it now, I can't expect much from my older brother, so I think my parents' sense of expectation went straight to my younger brother."

However, my younger brother's grades plummeted when he entered junior high school, and he dropped out of high school afterwards.

I went on to university and used my favorite English to do translation and proofreading work, but none of these lasted long.

My older brother, Mr. Ikegami, gradually became able to speak at school when he became a junior high school student, and spent his days immersed in his favorite book.

He progressed well through high school and college.

At university, I devoted myself to the activities of making a newspaper, and I got a job at a major news agency.

An older brother who fulfilled his childhood dream of becoming a writer, and a younger brother who tends to withdraw from work.

For his parents, the "social evaluation" was reversed, and his mother was delighted, saying, "I'm glad I got to join a big company."

Three years later, Mr. Ikegami quit the news agency and started working as a freelance journalist.

When I was just starting out, I met a boy while covering the problem of school education.

A junior high school boy who was unable to speak due to selective mutism and was unable to attend school, and attended a free school.

Even without exchanging words, there was a feeling that was transmitted to him.

"Why does this happen...?" He

overlapped with his former self, and as he became absorbed in his research, he came into contact with the world of various mental illnesses and hikikomori, and became absorbed in it.

His mother, on the other hand, was not very happy about working as a freelance journalist.

Her mother, concerned about her public appearance, sent her a postcard with only one word, "Shocked," when she left her news agency.

Mr. Ikegami, who was aware that he was living off the rails expected of his parents, gradually moved away from his parents' home.

"Big brother is nice

. "

Mr. Masaki Ikegami

“I had an experience when I was a child, and I left home to protect myself from the pressure of my parents and to release myself. I think my younger brother was loyal to his parents and couldn't escape being bound by their values."

Families who continued to “postpone”

Once, at the behest of his mother, Ikegami hired his younger brother as an assistant.

However, his younger brother, who had little sense of money, ended up buying a large amount of equipment for his office, which affected Mr. Ikegami's own life.

I understood that they were doing this because they thought, "If things go on like this, we will all collapse together.

"

Even after that, my younger brother was unable to find his place in society and tended to withdraw.

The family postponed the issue and never had a meeting.

Eventually, he learns that his mother has cancer and does not have long to live.

At Mr. Ikegami's suggestion, the whole family went on a trip.

A moment in the town where my mother spent her childhood.

But even there, the “postponement” continued.

Mr. Ikegami

: “At that time, it was a trivial story, and I couldn’t talk about when my mother passed away. He may have wanted to look away, feeling the expectation that ``onii-chan will do something in case of emergency.''

For about half a year from when his mother was hospitalized to when he died, my younger brother accompanied his mother carefully and went to the hospital all the time.

A funeral attended by a large number of people.

My younger brother was sobbing openly.

After the death of his mother, his younger brother, who lived with his father, was in charge of all household chores.

What kind of relationship existed between his father, who never interfered in the family affairs, and his younger brother?

Mr. Ikegami, who lives far away, did not understand.

Soon after, his father is found to have a brain tumor.

The two brothers worked together to get a second opinion, visiting different hospitals.

Unfortunately, he died about a year after his mother died.

In his later years, his mute father once stared at his two sons and cried.

Until the very end, I didn't say what I was thinking.

Ms. Ikegami

: “I left the family affairs to my mother and didn’t say much, but my father was kind. I still sometimes wonder what those tears meant."

“Onii-chan, did you bring someone?”

Left alone, my younger brother began to lose the will to live.

Occasionally, when I visited his parents' house, it was full of garbage such as empty alcohol cans, and he was sleeping in his room with the shutter closed.

Even so, when Mr. Ikegami visited him, he got up and said, "I want to graduate from a correspondence university, get a job, and get married."

He stocked up on journalism and English textbooks, and found himself in deep debt, using up the money left by his parents.

Before long, he began to say things like, "Someone is watching," and "I hear people talking."

My younger brother was admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

There he is pointed out that he is "schizophrenic".

But he didn't take the diagnosis lightly.

When he was discharged from the hospital, his younger brother gave up his parents' house and started living in an apartment.

Every time Mr. Ikegami visits, he sees a dark room filled with sealed cardboard boxes.

He took the light only with the desk light and was facing the desk.

"Next time, I'll buy some lighting for the room."

In order to fulfill that promise, I purchased lighting fixtures and went to install them by myself.

Since it was New Year's, I brought New Year's dishes.

When I was installing the lights, my brother

got angry and said,

"You brought someone here, didn't you? I can hear people talking."

Those were the last words he exchanged with his brother.

A few months later, when I was contacted to confirm that he was behind on the rent, I found out that he had passed away.

I couldn't help but face it, saying, "It's already corrupted."

His cause of death was given as "disease".

he was 49 years old.

"If only you were alive"

Seven years have passed since then.

In the meantime, the “8050 (Hachimaru/Gomaru) problem”, in which elderly parents are carrying middle-aged and older children, has become widely known.

In addition, the existence of people who have lost the will to live and lose their lives has been reported, and knowledge is gradually being accumulated on how to interact with those people.

Under such circumstances, Mr. Ikegami feels most strongly that he wants to live.

Words from a female party who participated in a lecture.

She said, "Would you mind shaking my hand and saying, 'I want you to be alive'?

" Did.

I wish I could keep saying these words to my brother.

I wish my family would treat me with the thought that "just being alive is enough".

Perhaps he was able to save the life of his younger brother, who had lost the will to live and passed away.

It is said that there is no choice but to think so.

Mr. Masaki Ikegami

: "I want people to say, 'Please stay alive,' but no one says it. I think there's no

point in living, and society doesn't need me. That's why I think those words are important.When

my brother was alive, I didn't think about it.I can say it now.It's

okay to just be alive.Day

by day, Ah, I'm glad I'm alive, and that's fine. Now I would say..."

8050 Family “Lessons”

Reflecting on her own experience, Ms. Ikegami told me that there are lessons that can be learned as brothers and sisters.

◎ Families should recognize that “living first is important”

Mr. Masaki Ikegami

"Parents tend to think 'respect' or 'I want them to work and be independent', and they tend to get caught up in that. While valuing 'dignity', even if you are alone, you can live. I think it would be good if the family could have a common understanding that it is important to support each other.By persuading brothers and sisters to mediate family meetings, relationships can improve and both parents and children can become healthy. sometimes

◎Have a connection with a third party while the parents are alive

“If a parent is the only window to society, there is a risk that the energy to live will disappear when the parent dies. It is important to create connections with third parties other than the family. There are many cases in which the person concerned seems to be concerned about the situation, so I think it is important to use such timing as an opportunity to create connections with the outside world.”

Currently, the KHJ National Federation of Hikikomori Family Associations, where Mr. Ikegami serves as a director, holds a forum once a month where brothers and sisters can share their troubles and seek advice.

We are also preparing to launch an online brothers and sisters branch where people from all over the country can participate.

“I think many people are troubled by a sense of unfairness, wondering why brothers and sisters have to take care of them and bear various burdens. I would like to create a place where people can share their worries and think together about what to do.”

KHJ National Federation of Hikikomori Families Brothers and Sisters Association (*Leaving the NHK site)

Tomoko Morita

, director of the social program department of the news bureau

Website "# Neighbor Komoribito"

Coverage of "Hikikomori" 13 years

NHK special "Drama Komoribito" "Death of a Hikikomori", ETV special "Utsusemi no Ie" etc.

# My Neighbor Komoribito

Click here for the website directed by Director Morita